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[ © anoXmous @ https://thepiratebay.se/user/anoXmous/]
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(WOMAN WAILING LOUDLY)
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(CONTINUES WAILING)
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(QUIETLY) Mum? Mum?
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Mum?
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Mum?
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Mum?
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Mum?
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Mum? Mum?
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Mum?
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You all right?
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I was just thinking about Poppy.
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She was me only friend.
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Aw, Mum. I'm your friend.
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You're not a friend.
You're just a relative.
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I'm 34 years old!
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And I've found someone who likes me,
and I like him,
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and I'm going on holiday with him.
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You're running away
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from your... guilt!
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Don't do that with Poppy's lead, Mum.
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CAROL:
You've always had lovely hair, Tina.
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TINA: It is quite thick, isn't it?
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CAROL: Yes.
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I've always admired your hair
being thick, because mine's so thin.
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I think you might have a few split ends.
Better watch that.
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- Any more bags you want taking?
TINA: - Well,
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- I might want a couple more towels.
CHRIS: - No, not in there.
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CHRIS: You didn't tell me
your mum was an artist.
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TINA: What?
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Look at these.
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(WHISPERS) Chris, don't go in there.
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(MUMBLES) Why not?
- Come out. Chris.
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What's going on?
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CHRIS: I'm just admiring
your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic.
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I don't want anyone in my room.
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Chris was just saying how talented
he thinks you are, Mum.
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CAROL: It's my private sanctum.
I don't want anybody looking.
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Well, no one's looking
in your sanctum, Mum.
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So I'll just... Shall I leave you, then,
to look at your brushes?
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I'll just sit for a few minutes, yes.
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- Okay.
- I could do with a cup of tea.
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- I'll get you one, Mum.
- That'd be nice.
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- I'm shutting the door now.
- That's okay.
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- Yeah?
- Yeah.
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Okay, Mum, bye.
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Bye.
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- All right?
- Yeah.
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Good.
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(BOTH CHUCKLING)
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- I've always wanted a boy in my bed.
- Come on.
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- Have you?
- Yeah. I was never allowed.
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I've always wanted to be in this bed.
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- This is Jonty.
- Oh, he's putting me off.
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(TINA LAUGHING)
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CHRIS: - I like this room.
- Do you?
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- Mmm.
- I hate it.
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Why?
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TINA: Well, I like the bits.
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CHRIS: Makes me think of you
when you were a kid.
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TINA: At the same time, if it was
all destroyed, I'd be quite happy.
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CHRIS: So what were you like
when you were a little kid, then?
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TINA: Unhappy.
CHRIS: You didn't like school?
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(TINA EXHALES)
- I know, nor me.
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What were you like at school, Chris?
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I wasn't like anything.
I was, like, invisible.
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TINA: What about you being ginger?
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CHRIS: Weli, that's a problem, yeah.
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TINA: That's not invisible, is it?
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CHRIS: No, but I wanted to be.
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Oh, I don't think it's safe
going off with him.
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It is safe!
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I know about all kinds of people who've
had very bad experiences in caravans.
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Like who?
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Well, Louise.
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She fell out of it, didn't she?
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Oh, I don't know. I mean, you've gone
far too fast with him far too soon.
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You hardly know him.
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TINA: You look like you...
you don't trust him.
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CAROL: I don't.
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TINA: Just let him get on with it.
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CAROL: Well, I'd like to know
what he's getting on with.
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- Well, he's packing.
- How much of our stuff has he got?
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Mum, he hasn't got any of your stuff.
Don't be silly.
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CHRIS: All right, uh, toothbrush?
TINA: Yeah.
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- And a sponge?
- Yeah.
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- Umbrella?
- Yes.
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- Uh, wash bag?
- Yes.
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- What's that? What's that?
- Potpourri.
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And what are you bringing that for?
We don't need potpourri.
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I don't think I could cope
without potpourri, Chris.
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You're gonna have a woman's touch
on this holiday, Chris.
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Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.
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(CHUCKLES) Oh, Chris.
Don't look at my bum.
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- I'm not looking at your bum.
- You are.
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- Just son' of loomed into my vision.
(TINA LAUGHING)
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(CLATTERING)
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Milady.
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- Bye, Mum.
- You'll be back.
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I will, Mum, in a week.
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Okay, well, we'll see you then, Carol.
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I'll bring her back safe,
don't you worry.
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Hey, I understand
you collect snow globes.
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I don't like you.
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Okay, well, see you, then.
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(ENGINE STARTS)
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Show me your world, Chris.
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Well, I thought we'd start
with Crich Tram Museum.
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- Great.
- Murderer.
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It was an accident, Mum.
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So were you.
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CHRIS: Don't listen to her.
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(♪ TAINTED LOVE BY SOFT CELL)
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♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to run away
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♪ I've got to get away
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♪ From the pain you drive
into the heart of me
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♪ The love we share seems to go nowhere
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♪ And I've lost my light
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Ii For I toss and turn
I can't sleep at night
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♪ Once I ran to you
♪ I ran
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♪ Now I'll run from you
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♪ This tainted love you've given
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♪ I give you all a boy could give you
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♪ Take my tears
and that's not nearly all
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♪ Tainted love
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♪ Now I know I've got to run away
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♪ I've got to...
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That's, uh, 32.99.
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- Extra strong.
- How can you?
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Ah, sharpens the mind.
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Poppy loved mints.
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- They gave her the runs.
- Mint me.
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(BOTH CHUCKLE)
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(BLOWS WHISTLE)
- Hold tight, please.
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So, ladies and gentlemen,
this is, um,
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one of about 1,200 tram cars
of this type, of type E1,
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built, um, by London County Council
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from about 1912 onwards.
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Out of those 1,200 trams,
only two have survived.
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CHRIS: You know, mobility,
the key to personal opportunity.
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It's why I favour the Abbey Oxford
as a caravan.
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So I'm the captain of me own fate.
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Excuse me, you dropped your wrapper.
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Your wrapper.
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I said, you dropped your wrapper.
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You see that? Do you see that?
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(CHRIS SIGHS) You just
don't expect to see that, do you?
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No. He was a pig, Chris.
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He was a pig in clothes.
I don't want this to ruin our holiday.
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You expect that of a kid
who doesn't know any better.
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(SHUSHING)
- But that's a bloody grown man.
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He must be, what, 35,
something like that?
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- Yeah, you don't expect it.
- Behaving like that in front of...
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- He's setting an example to kids...
- I know, it's terrible.
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And we're in a place where there's...
It's a bloody heritage place.
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- I know. Shh. I know.
- I just cannot...
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Maybe you'll feel better
if you have a scone.
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- No. No.
- Do you want a scone?
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No! They've not been preserved
for hundreds of years
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- so that wankers like that...
- Shh. Shh.
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...can use them like a bloody toilet!
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WOMAN OVER PA: Tina Read
to the Visitor Information Centre.
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Stop telling me to shush.
It's putting me on edge.
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Miss Tina Read,
your mother's on the phone.
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TINA: I'm gonna have to go
and see what's wrong.
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Yeah.
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Wait here, won't you?
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I'm not gonna be able to enjoy
the museum if you're in this state.
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I'll have to come home, then.
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Chris is up there, he's looking at me.
I don't...
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Well, no! I'm gonna have...
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Well, I'm gonna have to come back, Mum,
'cause I can't leave you in this state.
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- Hey, what's up? Oh, come on, what's up?
(SOBBING)
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Hey. What's happened?
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- What'd she say?
(SOBBING) We have to go home.
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Why? What, because of her?
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Blue John mines tomorrow. Pencil Museum.
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I know how much you wanted to see that.
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Got some vouchers as well.
Two-for-one restaurant deal.
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They expire in a week.
It's now or never.
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(ENGINE REVVING)
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(CRUNCHING)
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(INAUDIBLE)
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(INAUDIBLE)
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He just stepped out, Chris,
and it wasn't your fault.
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(CHRIS SIGHS DEEPLY)
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00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,280
Maybe you're right.
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(VOICE TREMBLING) I just feel so
devastated for his family, you know?
189
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,623
- Maybe your mother was right.
- About what?
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00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,333
About everything!
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About everything.
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00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:33,749
- Chris...
- He's ruined the Tram Museum for me now.
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Mint me.
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00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,772
What?
195
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,480
You heard me. Mint me.
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00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,340
(BOTH MOANING)
197
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,217
(MOANING CONTINUES)
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00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:29,183
(MOANING CONTINUES)
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00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,477
"Dear Mum, I'm not coming home."
200
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,397
"Yorkshire is lovely.
Not like you said at all."
201
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:42,151
"They can smile,
and they do sell my pasta sauce."
202
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,870
"The caravan bed is quite short,
but Chris is a sensitive lover."
203
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:49,328
"Hope you can be happy for me.
Love, Tina."
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00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,847
TINA: Right, well,
they've only got two spots left.
205
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:08,385
One by the Dingley Dell
and one by the bogs.
206
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,554
CHRIS: Um, he's going for Dingley Dell.
207
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,352
Chris, I want Dingley Dell.
208
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,016
I'm gonna get this bloody Dingley Dell.
209
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,944
- Can't we go around it?
- Just hold on, I'm gonna do it.
210
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,820
- Go around them. Go around.
- We'll make it.
211
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,856
- Go that way.
- I will, just wait there, wait...
212
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,026
- Just go around it.
- Okay! Hold on.
213
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,569
Oh, Chris! Don't look at them, Chris.
214
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,700
(GASPS) Oh, I just...
(WHOOPING)
215
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,575
(TYRES SKIDDING)
216
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,080
(BOTH LAUGH)
217
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,582
Fuck you!
218
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,499
I am the best. Get in.
219
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,340
- Now, see that?
- Yes.
220
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,593
Plug that into that
little hole over there. Right?
221
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,425
Why?
222
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,724
You don't need to know why. Just do it.
223
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,931
- Okay?
- The little hole.
224
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,769
The little hole.
225
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,574
Turn it round so that fits
in that little bit there.
226
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,196
- That hole...
- No, I wanna do it.
227
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,279
- Okay.
- This is a ridiculous plug, this.
228
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,282
Never seen anything like it.
229
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,122
(CLICKS)
CHRIS: - There we go.
230
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,704
- I did it. (CHUCKLES)
- Brilliant.
231
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,422
I'll just sort that out.
232
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,763
Chris?
233
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,633
What?
234
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,555
It's a bit eerie, isn't it?
235
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,553
Yeah, I suppose it is, yeah.
236
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,439
I didn't think it would kill him,
did you, Chris?
237
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,912
Well, there's loads of stuff
under a caravan that'll kill you.
238
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,894
I'll have nightmares
about that tonight now.
239
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,982
Oh, you're not gonna go under a caravan,
are you?
240
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,655
You're gonna be in the driving seat.
241
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,736
In the car, with me.
242
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,782
Well, not driving.
I mean, in the passenger seat.
243
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,746
I'll do the driving.
244
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,087
CHRIS: Bit of a mess, actually.
245
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,007
There we go, good as new.
246
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,261
CHRIS: This is exactly
how I imagined it.
247
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,769
There's no one sticking their nose in.
248
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,346
No one penetrating the mind.
249
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,142
(SIGHING) I'll have to sort
all of this out all again.
250
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:24,312
CHRIS: Take the noble English oak,
Old Knobbley.
251
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,940
That won't stab you in the back
or belittle your five-year plan.
252
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,867
I mean, where am I supposed to put that?
253
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,531
- That tree won't...
- There isn't anywhere.
254
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,495
- There's just no surfaces.
- ...steal things that belong to you
255
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,203
and put them in another place
just to piss you off.
256
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,661
That tree won't involve itself
in low-level bullying
257
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,293
that means you have to leave work.
258
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,717
I've got a confession to make.
259
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,337
Chris. Not a wheat intolerance?
260
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:53,679
No. It's, uh, it's not just
an erotic odyssey we're on.
261
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,685
(DISAPPOINTED) Isn't it?
262
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,222
Well, it is.
I mean, that's a big part of it, but...
263
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,390
(INHALES) Er, I'm writing a book.
264
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:02,983
- Are you?
- Yeah.
265
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,357
I thought I'd just have
a bit of a sabbatical.
266
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:09,069
You know, a bit of time off work
and, you know, find my voice.
267
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,492
But, uh, I've had a bit of a problem
with writer's block.
268
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,366
You know, been...
creative constipation.
269
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,076
I hooked up with you at capoeira
270
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:19,076
and I realised you were exactly
what I needed. You know, a muse.
271
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,043
- Am I your muse?
- Yeah.
272
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,247
- Chris!
- How do you feel about that?
273
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,919
I've never been a muse before.
274
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,637
No? I've never had a muse before.
It's great. Yeah.
275
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,679
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
276
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,928
- What's the book about?
(DRUMS PLAYING FAINTLY)
277
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:40,514
Just sort of making inroads into
my own mind and taking notes as I go.
278
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,223
Do you know what I mean? It's fantastic.
279
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:45,150
I'm really pleased with
what I've come up with so far.
280
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,445
MAN: - Knock, knock.
CHRIS: - Oh, hello.
281
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,942
Settled in?
282
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,524
CHRIS: Yeah, we have, thanks.
Yeah, lovely spot.
283
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,029
- Not bad, is it?
- Yeah.
284
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:56,283
Just doing my rounds.
Sorry about the racket.
285
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,205
CHRIS: - Yeah.
- Festival in the yurt field.
286
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,204
CHRIS: - Who are they?
- Uh, well, they're shaman.
287
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,753
They're sort of priests. Shamans.
They're from Portsmouth, you know.
288
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,706
- Uh-huh.
- It's just a little festival.
289
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,382
Keeps them all happy, doesn't it?
You know.
290
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,177
And how long are they
gonna be drumming for?
291
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,219
Well, just this evening.
292
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,047
- Okay?
- Thanks a lot, mate.
293
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,348
- All the best.
- Yeah.
294
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,142
- Bye.
- Pleasure.
295
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,142
He seemed nice.
296
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,020
(DISDAINFULLY) Yurts.
297
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,665
CHRIS: There's a stream
down here somewhere.
298
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,497
I need some proper boots, Chris.
299
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,332
CHRIS: Yeah,
brought my last girlfriend.
300
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,837
Oh.
301
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,056
Yeah, I think this was it.
302
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,218
This is a ditch, Chris.
303
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,231
WOMAN: I thought he said on the phone
we'd be at the Dingley Dell.
304
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,658
MAN: - I know, darling.
- We're right by the loo.
305
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,407
- Well, that'll be handy.
- Shall I take some light stuff, darling?
306
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:21,365
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Sterling Elite 90, isn't it?
307
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,869
Sorry?
308
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,622
Sterling Elite 90.
309
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,166
Yeah. Yes.
310
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,626
How'd you find it
on the petrol consumption?
311
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,215
Uh, not too bad, actually.
312
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,968
Takes her less fuel to pull
than some of the older models.
313
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:42,302
Yeah, you're probably right, yeah.
We use loads of petrol. Don't we, Tina?
314
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,307
Yeah, we love it.
315
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:49,267
Hey, do you mind if we have
a little look inside? Is that all right?
316
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,772
BOTH: Um...
317
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,070
- I'll only be a second.
MAN: - A quick look wouldn't hurt.
318
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,147
CHRIS: Yeah.
WOMAN: Okay. Fine.
319
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:57,529
CHRIS: We really appreciate it.
Be fantastic to have a look in there.
320
00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,485
Sorry, do you mind
just slipping those off?
321
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,888
- I saw you come out of the toilet block.
CHRIS: - Mmm-hmm.
322
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:03,827
(TINA GASPS)
323
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:07,627
It's beautiful in here.
It's just like a hospital.
324
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,375
- It's all oak.
(DOG BARKING)
325
00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:12,627
CHRIS: What's this, then?
326
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,128
MAN: It's a stereo unit.
It's a bit delicate.
327
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:16,836
CHRIS: Is it?
WOMAN: It's German. German.
328
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,338
There's no buttons on it.
329
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:22,265
(CHUCKLES) Well, it's voice-activated.
Don't... Sorry...
330
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:25,015
- Poppy.
WOMAN: - You all right, Banjo?
331
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:26,516
Are you in there?
332
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:30,975
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON TV)
333
00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:38,866
CAROL: - Tina?
- What?
334
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,490
Have you had all the Senokot?
335
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,952
- No.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
336
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:53,502
- Hello.
- Hi. My name's Chalid Sulinan.
337
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:56,505
I work for CACSA,
raising money for child soldiers.
338
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,052
TINA: No.
339
00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,638
(TOY SQUEAKING)
- Aren't you naughty?
340
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:04,638
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) I have got some...
341
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,060
Poppy. Come on!
342
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:08,937
(BARKING PLAYFULLY)
343
00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:12,358
She's... She's like that.
Come on! Yeah!
344
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,103
You're distracting me now, Poppy.
Go on.
345
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:17,279
(POPPY YELPS)
(THUDDING)
346
00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,940
(CAROL WAILING)
347
00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,452
Oh, my God! Tina!
348
00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:27,831
(DOORS CLATTERING)
(WHISPERING) Poppy.
349
00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,777
MAN: Do you mind not opening that one?
Sorry, do you mind not opening that one?
350
00:23:32,202 --> 00:23:33,624
God... No!
351
00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:36,882
We don't give him junk food!
352
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,668
(DOG WHIMPERING)
353
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,140
MAN: Poor boy.
354
00:23:45,215 --> 00:23:47,559
- Cheap crisps are full of horrors.
WOMAN: - I know.
355
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:50,855
It'll be nice when you've
decorated it a bit, this place.
356
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,183
Oh, well, we don't like clutter.
357
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,938
No, no, no, you don't want clutter.
358
00:23:55,017 --> 00:24:00,820
You just want some plants and cushions
and pictures and a tablecloth there.
359
00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:04,823
Yeah, well, that would be clutter,
though, wouldn't it? (SIGHS)
360
00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,252
I'm really sorry about that.
361
00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:16,171
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) Sorry, sorry.
That's really embarrassing.
362
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:18,920
- Never mind.
- Sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
363
00:24:19,917 --> 00:24:21,385
It's fine.
364
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:28,843
Uh, you'll have to pop over
to Dingley Dell sometime.
365
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,851
But, uh, if the caravan's rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.
366
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:37,231
Ha. Um, we're pretty intent
on doing some serious walking.
367
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,529
I'm writing a book.
Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain.
368
00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:43,198
Actually, it's his third, so...
(CHUCKLES)
369
00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,571
I'm out at the crack of dawn,
having a reconnoitre.
370
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,528
(DISINTERESTEDLY) Yeah. Are you?
371
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:55,836
Do you think they liked us?
372
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:00,545
Ian and Janice.
373
00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,005
Chris?
374
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,593
Are you all right?
375
00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:13,804
I didn't like their caravan.
376
00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:57,727
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
377
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:06,490
IAN: Um, we're pretty intent
on doing some serious walking.
378
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,317
- I'm writing a book.
TINA: - Chris.
379
00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:09,826
IAN: Walks Along the Ley Lines
of Britain.
380
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:12,704
JANICE: Actually, it's his third.
TINA: Are you all right?
381
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:15,658
IAN: We're pretty intent
on doing some serious walking.
382
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:18,870
I'm writing a book.
Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain.
383
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:21,635
JANICE: Actually, it's his third.
TINA: Do you think they liked us?
384
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,944
IAN: I'm out at the crack of dawn.
TINA: Ian and Janice.
385
00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:30,840
IAN: - I'm writing a book.
(CHUCKLES)
386
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,861
(♪ SEASON OF THE WITCH BY VANILLA FUDGE)
387
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:40,729
♪ When I look outside my window
388
00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:45,612
(SOFTLY) Chris.
389
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:47,356
♪ What do I see?
390
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:49,066
Chris!
391
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:50,568
(SNORING)
392
00:26:50,692 --> 00:26:52,285
(MUTTERING SLEEPILY)
393
00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:56,115
♪ And when I look outside my window
394
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:03,589
♪ So many different people to be, yeah
395
00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:11,964
♪ That it's strange
396
00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:18,270
♪ So strange
397
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:26,317
♪ You've got to pick up every stitch
398
00:27:28,564 --> 00:27:33,161
♪ Two rabbits running in a ditch
399
00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:41,085
♪ The hippies out to make it rich
400
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:46,085
♪ Oh, oh
401
00:27:47,124 --> 00:27:51,925
♪ Must be the season of the witch
402
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:59,478
♪ Must be the season of the witch
(CAMERA CLICKING)
403
00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:05,818
♪ Must be the season of the witch
404
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:11,949
♪ Must be the season of the witch
405
00:28:18,322 --> 00:28:19,665
(WHISPERING) Poppy!
406
00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:38,304
Chris!
407
00:28:43,764 --> 00:28:46,267
(FAINT DRUMMING)
408
00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:57,160
My God, what is it?
409
00:28:57,861 --> 00:29:02,037
Shamans. They sacrificed
Mr Grant's chickens to the goddess Kali.
410
00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:06,666
Chris, you've got some on you.
411
00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:10,674
Oh, sorry, yeah.
No, I'll get cleaned up in a minute.
412
00:29:10,791 --> 00:29:13,544
Hey, Blue John Cavern
opens in 45 minutes.
413
00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,547
I was thinking we should
give another campsite a go tonight.
414
00:29:16,672 --> 00:29:18,219
This one's gone downhill.
415
00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,147
MAN: So how many chickens have you got?
416
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,866
MR GRANT: Now I've only got nine,
but I had twelve.
417
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,074
Barbara, Margot...
418
00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:44,704
and the cockerel...
Ronnie Wood.
419
00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:46,209
Ian!
420
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,548
Ian!
421
00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:55,545
We might be able to fit in, uh,
Fountains Abbey.
422
00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,722
Banjo! What's wrong?
423
00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:04,887
Where's your mummy?
424
00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:08,265
What's happened? Eh?
425
00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:10,567
Chris, look.
426
00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:14,070
What's that?
427
00:30:14,938 --> 00:30:17,441
Banjo says his mummy's
a mean, horrible bitch
428
00:30:17,566 --> 00:30:19,113
and he wants to come with us.
429
00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:22,739
Oh, I don't think that would be fair
on Ian and Janice.
430
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:26,283
Banjo?
We don't care about being fair, do we?
431
00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:30,629
No. We just care about being happy.
432
00:30:31,246 --> 00:30:33,624
Bloody things I do for you, love.
433
00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,596
TINA: There we go.
434
00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,300
Stay!
435
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:49,097
Say one fucking word and it's...
436
00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:56,814
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, Chris. Go, go. Go. Go.
437
00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:59,574
Oh, no, Chris, it's Janice.
438
00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:03,283
No. Banjo, down. Down, Banjo.
439
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:04,825
JANICE: Ian!
440
00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:07,992
Ian!
441
00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:58,797
(BOTH WHOOPING)
(ECHOING CAVERNOUSLY)
442
00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:04,306
(CHRIS WHOOPING)
(TINA IMITATING MONKEY)
443
00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:06,595
TINA: Chris?
444
00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,347
(WHISPERING) Chris.
445
00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:10,141
You getting anything?
446
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:12,351
You getting any inspiration?
447
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,859
- Chris.
- Hang on.
448
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,657
- Chris. Chris.
- Shut up, will you?
449
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,284
- Taste that.
(SHUSHING)
450
00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:26,111
If you haven't started the book yet,
451
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:29,494
then you might as well
write it about something else.
452
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,329
- Fuck!
- What?
453
00:32:31,366 --> 00:32:33,664
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- What is it?
454
00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:38,374
Every time I think I've found my oeuvre,
someone shits on it.
455
00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,209
Well, I wouldn't shit on you, Chris.
456
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,635
Not unless you asked me to.
457
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,384
Everyone else seems to find it
so easy to express themselves.
458
00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:46,381
I mean, even you've got your knitting,
haven't you?
459
00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:49,969
But the thing is, Chris,
I'm your muse now.
460
00:32:50,051 --> 00:32:51,974
And we've got Banjo.
461
00:32:52,053 --> 00:32:55,398
So everything will be perfect.
You just need to be a bit more patient.
462
00:32:56,016 --> 00:32:59,987
- There's something in me, Tina.
- I'll help you squeeze it out.
463
00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:02,572
CHRIS: Choose anything you like, love.
TINA: Anything?
464
00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:05,408
CHRIS: Anything you like,
as long as it's under 10 quid.
465
00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:06,906
How much is that?
466
00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:12,040
- 60 quid.
- No, you can't have that.
467
00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:13,746
I need walking boots, don't I?
468
00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:16,248
Well, we'll get
the walking boots as well.
469
00:33:16,328 --> 00:33:18,581
WOMAN: You want a good tread.
470
00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,086
Okay.
471
00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:24,883
- You heard about the man, didn't you?
- No.
472
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,345
He slipped on the crag
and went off the cliff yesterday.
473
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:31,393
- Did you not hear about that?
- No! Did he hurt himself?
474
00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:33,929
Head smashed like a pumpkin.
475
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,853
That's why I'd never have
stone flooring.
476
00:33:37,933 --> 00:33:40,106
Although I do love
that French farmhouse look.
477
00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:41,607
Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it,
478
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:43,847
when people don't have respect
for the power of nature?
479
00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,448
Can't find his dog.
480
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:48,744
Well, it probably committed suicide.
Dogs will do that.
481
00:33:48,777 --> 00:33:52,452
Tina, why don't you try these?
Look. Give them a go.
482
00:33:54,241 --> 00:33:56,539
(CHUCKLES) Oh, Chris.
- Eh? Why not?
483
00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:29,234
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
484
00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:43,169
TINA: I've got some sad news.
It's about your father.
485
00:34:43,248 --> 00:34:44,670
He's dead.
486
00:34:51,673 --> 00:34:53,641
(WHIMPERING SOFTLY)
487
00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:57,437
Hey. Don't dwell on it.
488
00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,988
- How'd it go?
- I had a word.
489
00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:08,986
How'd he take it?
490
00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,988
Well, he's all right.
He's a bit shaken but...
491
00:35:11,067 --> 00:35:13,570
- Is he?
- Come on. Come on.
492
00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:17,704
This was a 13th-century ruin
founded by monks. (CHUCKLES)
493
00:35:18,325 --> 00:35:22,580
Yeah, maybe I should do
an abbot detective story or something.
494
00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:25,423
What do you think
happened to Ian, Chris?
495
00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:28,210
- Chris?
- Huh?
496
00:35:28,293 --> 00:35:29,840
Chris.
497
00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:32,551
- What do you think happened to Ian?
- What?
498
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:36,267
(CAMERA CLICKING)
499
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,849
Do you think Banjo
had something to do with it?
500
00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:43,768
Well, yeah, he's probably capable.
He's an animal, isn't he?
501
00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:47,980
Do you think he might have pushed him?
'Cause he was an abused dog.
502
00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:53,026
There might be, uh, blood
on the paws of that dog,
503
00:35:53,109 --> 00:35:56,329
but it's smug complacency
that killed Ian, I tell you that.
504
00:35:57,489 --> 00:36:00,038
Janice looked frigid as well,
didn't she?
505
00:36:03,453 --> 00:36:06,332
(STONE GRINDING)
506
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:11,632
Chris, look, it's coming out.
507
00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:13,213
(BELL TOLLING)
508
00:36:15,799 --> 00:36:17,517
CHRIS: I'm a monk.
509
00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:23,186
MAN: Well, who's this little chap?
Let's have a look.
510
00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:24,686
Oh, Poppy.
511
00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:27,736
- Oh, you're sweet, aren't you?
(CHUCKLES)
512
00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:29,404
This is Barney.
Barney, come and say hello.
513
00:36:29,479 --> 00:36:31,119
TINA: Barney.
WOMAN: Come and say hello.
514
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,736
TINA: Say hello to Barney.
515
00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:36,946
- Aw! They love each other. Don't they?
WOMAN: - Well, they're a bit shy.
516
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,703
Yeah, well, often it's like that
when it's love at first sight.
517
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:42,375
- Isn't it, Chris?
- What?
518
00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:45,044
- It's like you and me when we met.
MAN: - They're not fighting, anyway.
519
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,669
TINA: - Speechless. Yeah, speechless.
- Speechless, yeah.
520
00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,426
Look at that graffiti there.
"Rob loves Kerry."
521
00:37:00,593 --> 00:37:03,062
My husband's researching for his book.
522
00:37:03,138 --> 00:37:04,560
Oh, really?
523
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,983
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I am, yeah.
524
00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:08,685
Actually, it's his third.
525
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:10,896
You've certainly picked
an interesting spot.
526
00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:12,652
WOMAN: Are you staying nearby?
527
00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,153
Well, actually we're mobile.
528
00:37:14,274 --> 00:37:16,902
(TINA GRUNTING)
529
00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:19,655
(MOANING)
530
00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:27,625
Oh, God, Chris,
this is just how I imagined it.
531
00:37:29,998 --> 00:37:31,420
(BEEPING)
532
00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,002
(WHIMPERING)
(MATTRESS BANGING)
533
00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:36,758
(BEEPING)
534
00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:38,260
(RINGING)
(TINA GRUNTING)
535
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:39,591
(BEEPS OFF)
536
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:42,052
(GRUNTING)
537
00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:48,400
(BOTH MOANING)
538
00:37:52,395 --> 00:37:54,022
(BOTH GRUNTING)
539
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:05,958
CHRIS: For Christ's sake!
540
00:38:06,618 --> 00:38:08,336
- Get off!
- What did I do?
541
00:38:08,411 --> 00:38:10,084
Not you. Bloody Banjo.
542
00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:11,631
Poppy!
543
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,629
He's a fuckin' pervert.
544
00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:22,509
Get in there. Get in there.
Go on, Banjo. Get in the bloody car.
545
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,256
Chris?
546
00:38:59,921 --> 00:39:01,343
Come on.
547
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:04,514
(TINA WHOOPING)
548
00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:07,896
(WHOOPING)
(CHRIS CHUCKLING)
549
00:39:08,638 --> 00:39:10,857
- I can fly!
- Whoa!
550
00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:13,272
I can fly, Chris.
551
00:39:13,977 --> 00:39:15,650
- Whoo!
- Whoo-whoo!
552
00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:23,445
Chris? Which button do I press?
553
00:39:24,487 --> 00:39:26,615
Oh, it's okay, I've done it.
554
00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:29,288
Yeah, Poppy!
555
00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:35,082
Chris, there's quite
a nice one of you here.
556
00:39:35,665 --> 00:39:37,087
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
557
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,802
Whoo! (CHUCKLES)
558
00:39:40,253 --> 00:39:43,006
Chris, these are a bit saucy,
these ones.
559
00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:57,987
This is not my vagina!
560
00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:01,111
This is not my vagina!
561
00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:03,238
I don't know what you mean.
562
00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:05,537
Janice doesn't look
very frigid to me, Chris!
563
00:40:06,613 --> 00:40:09,492
In fact,
she looks like a very happy girl.
564
00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:11,621
No, that's...
565
00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:14,671
No wonder, when you look at Ian.
566
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:17,920
That's not Ian. That's me, that.
567
00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:20,502
Were you shagging Janice?
568
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:23,562
CHUCKLES: - What are you talking about?
- Were you shagging Ian?
569
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,883
- Don't be stupid.
- Were you shagging both of them?
570
00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:27,967
- Ah, come on.
- Are you gay?
571
00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:31,430
- What? You know I'm not gay.
- Why are they at a wedding?
572
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:32,559
What wedding?
573
00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:36,018
(SOBS) Did you go to a wedding
with Ian and Janice, Chris?
574
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,977
- I didn't.
- Was... (SOBBING)
575
00:40:39,354 --> 00:40:41,072
(SOBBING STOPS)
576
00:40:42,565 --> 00:40:44,158
What's going on here?
577
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:45,906
I wouldn't look. Don't.
578
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,614
Did you kill Ian?
579
00:40:52,492 --> 00:40:54,460
Yeah. Well, I mean...
580
00:40:55,995 --> 00:40:57,713
Why'd you do that?
581
00:40:58,539 --> 00:41:01,133
I didn't mean to.
It was just an accident.
582
00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,220
And that just happened.
583
00:41:04,295 --> 00:41:06,389
Can't do things like that.
584
00:41:07,924 --> 00:41:10,222
It's gonna ruin the holiday.
585
00:41:10,259 --> 00:41:12,637
I just did... I did that for you.
586
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:29,075
FEMALE NEWSREADER ON TV:
The council had fought an injunction
587
00:41:29,153 --> 00:41:32,248
to remove Mr Andrews
and begun proceedings to evict him.
588
00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:34,283
The house has been condemned,
as it was erected
589
00:41:34,409 --> 00:41:36,912
without proper planning permission.
590
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,505
Police now think that Ian Worthing,
591
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:42,424
whose body was found at the base
of a Yorkshire crag yesterday,
592
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:46,596
could have killed himself
because of mounting financial pressures.
593
00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:50,683
- Oh! Buy you a drink?
- Yeah.
594
00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:52,931
- No wife?
- No, no, she's, uh...
595
00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:54,763
she's back at the, uh, caravan tonight.
596
00:41:54,804 --> 00:41:56,272
- Oh?
- Yeah. Yeah.
597
00:41:56,305 --> 00:41:58,774
- Yeah, so's Joan.
- Is she? Yeah, yeah.
598
00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:01,478
We both said what a nice couple
we thought you were.
599
00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:04,276
Oh, did you? Oh, that's very nice.
Cheers, yeah.
600
00:42:05,106 --> 00:42:06,983
Yeah, no, I love her. Yeah.
601
00:42:08,609 --> 00:42:10,361
Yeah, we're in love.
602
00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:13,372
Yeah, I love her.
603
00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:32,218
Hi, Chris, it's me. It's... It's Tina.
I'm just, um...
604
00:42:32,884 --> 00:42:35,137
I'm just having fun in the caravan.
605
00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:36,641
Um...
606
00:42:37,305 --> 00:42:40,058
I'm just wondering where you are.
607
00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:45,821
It's very cosy,
and I've made some dinner.
608
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:48,692
Come back?
609
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:11,009
Ooh, steady. Are you okay?
610
00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:12,511
Yeah.
611
00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:14,513
Got a bit carried away. (CHUCKLES)
612
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:19,272
- I'll get the car in the morning.
- Come on. There you go.
613
00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:22,901
- Thanks for bringing him back, Richard.
- Oh, pleasure.
614
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,769
- You take it easy.
- You're a legend, mate.
615
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:26,695
(CHUCKLES) Good luck with the ley lines.
616
00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:28,527
Yeah. See you, mate.
617
00:43:28,564 --> 00:43:31,238
(CAR DRIVING AWAY)
618
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:36,364
Oh, I think I've got a ley line
running through my head. (CHUCKLES)
619
00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:39,802
(VOICE BREAKING) I thought you'd gone.
620
00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:11,194
Chris, Poppy's stopping.
621
00:44:11,941 --> 00:44:14,069
Poppy's stopping, Chris.
622
00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:17,196
Yeah, good girl.
623
00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:19,115
Aw! You having a little poo? Well done.
624
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:22,710
Excuse me.
You are going to pick that up?
625
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,370
Well, I haven't, I've... Chris?
626
00:44:24,412 --> 00:44:27,757
This is a site of natural beauty
and geographical interest.
627
00:44:27,874 --> 00:44:30,252
I think you need to sort that out.
628
00:44:30,793 --> 00:44:33,888
- I didn't do that.
- Uh, you need to pick it up.
629
00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:37,137
- I can't... Well, I can't.
- Why? Why can't you?
630
00:44:37,550 --> 00:44:39,590
Well, I haven't got the proper things
to do it with.
631
00:44:39,594 --> 00:44:42,222
Why didn't you bring the proper things
with you if you're out with your dog?
632
00:44:42,263 --> 00:44:43,981
Well, I did bring the proper things...
633
00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:46,100
(SOBS)
...but I'm not having a very good day.
634
00:44:46,142 --> 00:44:47,610
CHRIS: - Good morning.
- Chris.
635
00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:50,613
- Good morning.
- He's told me I've got to pick that up
636
00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:52,944
- with my fingers.
- Well, a dog does a shit.
637
00:44:53,065 --> 00:44:54,825
You know, you can't do much
about that, mate.
638
00:44:54,942 --> 00:44:56,660
You can pick it up
and you take it away with you.
639
00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:59,280
Well, I would have the bags,
but they're in the bloody car
640
00:44:59,322 --> 00:45:02,326
that you've left, drunk,
outside some pub that we can't...
641
00:45:02,450 --> 00:45:04,669
- We don't even know where the pub is.
- Tina, I know where the car is.
642
00:45:04,785 --> 00:45:06,332
- No, you don't.
- I do. I know where it is.
643
00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:08,627
- We are lost, Chris! Lost!
- I know where it is.
644
00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:10,466
- I know... Look, Tina.
- You don't.
645
00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:12,843
Look, I'm sorry, but if you don't
pick up this excrement immediately,
646
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,633
then I'm gonna have to inform
the National Trust.
647
00:45:14,670 --> 00:45:17,110
Actually, do you know what?
I don't think you are sorry, mate.
648
00:45:17,131 --> 00:45:18,804
I don't think you're sorry, either.
649
00:45:18,841 --> 00:45:20,468
- Did he touch you?
- What?
650
00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:23,805
- Don't know. Wasn't concentrating.
- Have a think.
651
00:45:26,599 --> 00:45:28,693
Can you remember everything?
652
00:45:28,851 --> 00:45:31,274
Uh, yes. Yes, he did touch me.
653
00:45:31,312 --> 00:45:34,486
- Oh... (STAMMERS) This is preposterous!
- What else did he do?
654
00:45:35,149 --> 00:45:38,119
(SOFTLY) He, urn...
- Details.
655
00:45:38,152 --> 00:45:42,783
(WHISPERING) ...tried to put
Poppy's bails in his mouth.
656
00:45:43,115 --> 00:45:46,494
- Did you go to a private school?
- That is totally irrelevant, but yes.
657
00:45:46,535 --> 00:45:48,879
Yeah, I thought so. It's the tone.
It's the entitlement you got...
658
00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,373
I'm entitled to walk
in the countryside...
659
00:45:50,498 --> 00:45:52,045
- Yeah, you're superior.
- ...without having to encounter
660
00:45:52,166 --> 00:45:53,668
- dog excrement.
- You're not entitled
661
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:55,882
- to be a bloody bully, mate...
- Put your stick down, for starters.
662
00:45:56,003 --> 00:45:57,676
- ...bullying my girlfriend.
- Leave the turd where it is.
663
00:45:57,713 --> 00:45:59,181
I will point this stick at you!
664
00:45:59,215 --> 00:46:00,683
They still think
it's their country, don't they?
665
00:46:00,716 --> 00:46:02,684
MAN: It should be for people
that at least respect the countryside.
666
00:46:02,718 --> 00:46:04,220
See how far his A level
in Classics gets him
667
00:46:04,345 --> 00:46:05,892
- when China owns the whole of the UK.
- People like you...
668
00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:07,481
(GRUNTS)
669
00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:09,525
(THUDDING)
670
00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:13,860
NARRATOR: "And did those feet
in ancient time"
671
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:18,197
"Walk upon England's mountains green"
672
00:46:19,026 --> 00:46:22,371
"And was the holy Lamb of God"
673
00:46:22,488 --> 00:46:26,038
"On England's pleasant pastures seen"
674
00:46:27,076 --> 00:46:29,750
"And did the countenance divine"
675
00:46:29,870 --> 00:46:33,716
"Shine forth upon our clouded hills"
676
00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:38,384
"And was Jerusalem builded here"
677
00:46:38,421 --> 00:46:41,174
"Among these dark satanic..."
678
00:46:41,424 --> 00:46:42,926
(CRUNCHING)
679
00:46:43,718 --> 00:46:45,686
Report that to the National Trust, mate.
680
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:52,943
You know, 300 years ago
681
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:56,735
his ancestor would have strode
down a path just like this, you know,
682
00:46:56,856 --> 00:46:59,537
and he'd have seen some common strumpet
like you and he'd have gone,
683
00:46:59,567 --> 00:47:01,069
"I'm gonna have a bit of that."
684
00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:04,030
And I'd have had to have stood by
and watched him.
685
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:07,746
'Cause I'd have been a serf and he'd
have been the bloody lord of the manor.
686
00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:10,086
And they call them "the good old days".
687
00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:11,708
TINA: I suppose.
688
00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:16,709
If you look at it that way,
you were defending my honour.
689
00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:20,509
Oh, don't thank me,
thank the democratic process.
690
00:47:24,258 --> 00:47:27,888
Never thought about murdering
innocent people like that before.
691
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:31,398
Ah, he's not a person, Tina,
he's a Daily Mail reader.
692
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:35,027
Perspective.
Grab it with both hands, it's free.
693
00:47:35,895 --> 00:47:38,193
See if he's got any sandwiches.
694
00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:43,948
CHRIS: Oh, thank Christ.
695
00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,615
(SIGHS) Fucking hell.
696
00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:53,583
I know, get your notebook out.
697
00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:56,290
- Huh?
- Get your notebook out.
698
00:47:57,375 --> 00:47:58,797
Come on, write down your ideas.
699
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:02,926
Just write down what's happened and
all your feelings and stuff like that.
700
00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:04,636
- Yeah?
- Mmm!
701
00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:06,638
- All right.
- Go on, get it down.
702
00:48:06,759 --> 00:48:08,261
Oh, my God, Chris.
703
00:48:09,136 --> 00:48:10,763
I'm musing.
704
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:15,647
I'm musing right now. Do you feel it?
705
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,152
My God, I feel amazing.
706
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,151
(SIGHS) Christ, that was hard.
707
00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:25,828
I don't think I'll get
anything more out today.
708
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:28,656
I think you've found your oeuvre, Chris.
709
00:48:31,826 --> 00:48:33,624
You're not gonna tell, are you?
710
00:48:35,955 --> 00:48:37,332
No.
711
00:48:45,506 --> 00:48:47,349
What are you looking at me
like that for?
712
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:50,394
This will put 'em off the scent.
713
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:52,347
(GRUNTING)
714
00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:53,848
Come on, give us a hand.
715
00:48:53,973 --> 00:48:55,850
(BARKING)
716
00:49:37,183 --> 00:49:39,402
Mother Shipton's Cave! (GASPS)
717
00:49:48,027 --> 00:49:51,201
CHRIS: If you could wish for anything,
what would it be?
718
00:49:51,780 --> 00:49:54,875
Well, if I tell you, Chris,
it won't come true.
719
00:49:55,910 --> 00:49:57,958
I just wanna be feared and respected.
720
00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:00,586
It's not too much to ask
from life, is it?
721
00:50:13,469 --> 00:50:15,597
Can't look at that any more.
722
00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:21,310
NEWSREADER ON RADIO: The man found dead
yesterday at the Kimberly Stone Circle
723
00:50:21,435 --> 00:50:24,439
has been identified as Anthony Breal.
724
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,154
Police are treating the death
as suspicious
725
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:30,323
and are looking for a culprit
that they are describing
726
00:50:30,444 --> 00:50:33,118
as a dangerous sexual predator.
727
00:50:33,155 --> 00:50:35,078
(INAUDIBLE)
728
00:51:27,376 --> 00:51:28,844
(IMITATING ANIMAL SOUND)
729
00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:39,688
Now be good,
because Mummy and Daddy are going out.
730
00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,683
What do you think of this?
731
00:51:42,766 --> 00:51:47,021
CHRIS: Ah, that is very nice.
Very nice indeed.
732
00:51:48,188 --> 00:51:50,282
Hey, turn round. Turn round.
733
00:51:50,691 --> 00:51:52,113
Why?
734
00:51:57,364 --> 00:51:59,082
- There you go.
- Ooh!
735
00:51:59,199 --> 00:52:01,201
- What do you think? Eh?
- It's an owl.
736
00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,711
It's nice, innit?
737
00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:10,219
Excuse me.
738
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:13,756
Sorry, mate.
739
00:52:13,881 --> 00:52:16,725
Guys! Dinner in five minutes!
740
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:49,626
All right, mate?
Not seen one of these before.
741
00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:51,297
It's a prototype.
742
00:52:51,418 --> 00:52:53,967
Yeah, all the things that...
You know, all your practical stuff,
743
00:52:54,088 --> 00:52:55,931
you keep down at the end by your feet.
744
00:52:55,964 --> 00:52:57,682
Do you? Is that where you've got
your toolbox and stuff?
745
00:52:57,758 --> 00:53:00,511
Yeah, yeah, I keep it down there,
like our wind-up torch and that,
746
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,437
- and, uh, my stove.
- Yeah?
747
00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:03,939
Chris!
748
00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:06,104
I'm ready!
749
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:09,403
...glass fibre epoxy struts,
as used in spacecraft extendable masts.
750
00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:10,900
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
751
00:53:10,979 --> 00:53:12,856
- I'm Chris, by the way.
- I'm Martin. Nice to meet you.
752
00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:14,692
- Yeah, nice to meet you. Yeah.
- Yeah, you.
753
00:53:14,775 --> 00:53:16,743
- Yeah, I was in plastics.
- Was ya?
754
00:53:16,819 --> 00:53:18,366
Yeah, extrusion blow moulding.
755
00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:20,365
No. Cor, they're given an hard time,
ain't they?
756
00:53:20,406 --> 00:53:22,704
But, here, let's face it,
they're here to stay, mate.
757
00:53:22,783 --> 00:53:24,251
Yeah, preaching to the choir, mate.
758
00:53:24,326 --> 00:53:26,749
Right, yeah, yeah. Nice one. Yeah.
759
00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:29,498
It looks like an alien's coffin.
760
00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:32,630
I call it the Carapod. You know,
what with the ground displacement
761
00:53:32,710 --> 00:53:35,008
of persons due to the instability
of geopolitics,
762
00:53:35,087 --> 00:53:39,092
I'm hoping that this will become a whole
new way of living for economic migrants.
763
00:53:39,174 --> 00:53:41,643
We're trying a whole new way of living.
Aren't we, Chris?
764
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:43,439
- Oh, are you?
- Tina hasn't travelled much.
765
00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:47,475
Right, right, yeah. I hear you.
Hey, uh, you back later for a beer?
766
00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:49,151
Oh, I don't really drink much but, um,
767
00:53:49,226 --> 00:53:50,694
always up for a bit of smoke,
if you know what I mean.
768
00:53:50,769 --> 00:53:52,362
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, great.
- Yeah? Great.
769
00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:53,860
- Nice one.
- Cheers, Martin.
770
00:53:53,939 --> 00:53:55,361
- Cheers. Chris?
- Yeah.
771
00:53:55,441 --> 00:53:56,909
Yeah. Take care.
772
00:53:59,153 --> 00:54:00,746
Right.
773
00:54:10,831 --> 00:54:12,583
(WOMEN CHEERING)
774
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:14,088
(WHOOPING)
775
00:54:14,168 --> 00:54:17,138
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
One in the pink,
776
00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:18,722
- one on the sink!
ALL: - One on the sink!
777
00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:21,175
CHRIS: - It's crazy, this.
- Thank you.
778
00:54:21,258 --> 00:54:22,931
- Madam.
(CHUCKLES)
779
00:54:23,385 --> 00:54:26,104
Thank you very much.
Uh, can I just ask you, actually,
780
00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:28,182
I've got this, er...
I've got this voucher
781
00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:30,393
- that I picked up about a week ago.
- Oh, right.
782
00:54:31,477 --> 00:54:35,482
Hey, that dress looks a lot better
on you than it did on your mother.
783
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:40,490
I haven't got any knickers on.
784
00:54:44,198 --> 00:54:46,951
Oh, dear, it looks like
your knife's fallen off the table.
785
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,709
I'll just have to go and pick it up.
786
00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:53,878
I might be five minutes or so.
787
00:55:02,841 --> 00:55:04,559
Can't see anything.
788
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:07,972
Well, I'm wearing tights.
789
00:55:08,055 --> 00:55:10,023
You know all that stuff
that's been happening, you know...
790
00:55:10,098 --> 00:55:11,771
It's all right, Chris.
791
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:15,946
It's all right,
because I understand you.
792
00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:18,528
- And I know you...
- Do you?
793
00:55:18,607 --> 00:55:23,158
...and I get it, 'cause it's just about
personal empowerment, isn't it?
794
00:55:23,237 --> 00:55:27,413
It's just expressing yourself
and thinking outside the box.
795
00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:31,621
And I've been in a box.
I don't wanna go back to the box, Chris.
796
00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:35,082
I'd rather die. Do you know that?
797
00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:37,171
You'd rather die?
798
00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:42,055
Yeah. How romantic would that be?
If we both just died together.
799
00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:46,681
Well, I mean, going to salsa's romantic.
We could maybe try that first.
800
00:55:46,885 --> 00:55:50,014
What you're doing is
you're giving to the world.
801
00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:52,232
Take carbon footprints.
802
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:55,895
By reducing people's lifespans,
803
00:55:55,978 --> 00:55:58,481
technically,
you're reducing their emissions.
804
00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:04,783
What, so you're saying that...
murder is green?
805
00:56:07,072 --> 00:56:09,996
Hmm, I hadn't thought of it like that.
Thanks.
806
00:56:16,248 --> 00:56:18,922
- This beard turns me on, Chris.
- I love it when you do that.
807
00:56:19,167 --> 00:56:20,760
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
808
00:56:20,836 --> 00:56:23,385
- Ginger-minger!
(ALL CHEER)
809
00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,511
What's the favourite thing I like to do?
810
00:56:28,594 --> 00:56:30,688
Yeah. With me.
811
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,185
- Oh, well, that's obvious, innit?
(CHUCKLING)
812
00:56:33,265 --> 00:56:35,609
- Put the bins out.
(LAUGHING)
813
00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:41,236
I like to put the bins out... in my pants
and then have you come over
814
00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:44,363
and rub bin juice all over me leg.
815
00:56:44,443 --> 00:56:46,411
(LAUGHING) What's bin juice?
816
00:56:46,486 --> 00:56:48,079
You know, that bit that you get
at the bottom of the bin
817
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,623
- when all that stuff drips out.
- Oh, yeah.
818
00:56:49,698 --> 00:56:51,416
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
819
00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:53,131
- That was Dave!
- Wasn't his real name...
820
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,413
(CHATTERING CONTINUES LOUDLY)
821
00:56:57,873 --> 00:56:59,716
(BOTH LAUGHING)
822
00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:05,589
Don't be sick.
823
00:57:06,632 --> 00:57:08,054
You Okay?
824
00:57:08,133 --> 00:57:09,885
(WOMEN CHEERING AND WHOOPING LOUDLY)
825
00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:26,819
WOMEN: Nine, eight, seven,
826
00:57:27,402 --> 00:57:32,374
six, five, four, three, two, one!
827
00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:35,119
(WOMEN WHOOPING)
828
00:57:35,869 --> 00:57:38,122
(LAUGHING)
829
00:57:38,205 --> 00:57:39,798
(BRIDE-TO-BE SLURS)
Do you wanna have sex with all us?
830
00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:42,171
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
831
00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:45,004
Ooh! (STAMMERING DRUNKENLY)
It's just a bit of fun.
832
00:57:46,838 --> 00:57:49,307
Get off, that's enough. That's enough.
833
00:57:50,008 --> 00:57:52,010
Getting married, are you?
834
00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:53,721
- Yeah.
- Are you?
835
00:57:53,845 --> 00:57:55,222
I am. Aren't we?
836
00:57:55,347 --> 00:57:57,224
(WOMEN CHEER)
837
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:59,685
What would your fiancé
think of this, then, eh?
838
00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,228
He'd love it.
839
00:58:01,311 --> 00:58:03,359
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
840
00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:06,196
- I'm gonna go and pay the bill now.
- No, let me pay.
841
00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:07,906
Sit down! Sit!
842
00:58:08,652 --> 00:58:10,074
Stay!
843
00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:16,585
(INDISTINCT)
844
00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:19,917
BRIDE-TO-BE: - In a minute!
845
00:58:29,172 --> 00:58:31,595
(♪ SEASON OF THE WITCH
BY JULIE DRISCOLL)
846
00:58:32,426 --> 00:58:36,932
♪ When I look over my shoulder
847
00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:41,231
♪ What do you think I see?
848
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:45,943
♪ Some other cat looking over
849
00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:50,197
♪ His shoulder at me
850
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,950
♪ And he's strange
851
00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:01,081
♪ Oh, he's very, very strange
(ALL CHEERING)
852
00:59:02,581 --> 00:59:05,926
♪ You've gotta pick up every stitch
853
00:59:07,961 --> 00:59:10,430
♪ You've gotta pick up every stitch
- I like your veil.
854
00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:18,647
WOMEN: Nine, eight, seven, six,
855
00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:22,644
five, four, three, two, one!
856
00:59:24,728 --> 00:59:26,822
♪ Must be the season of the witch
857
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,487
(SIGHS)
858
00:59:29,566 --> 00:59:32,240
♪ Must be the season of the witch
859
00:59:32,319 --> 00:59:34,117
(CHEERING LOUDLY)
860
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:39,626
(WOMEN SQUEALING)
861
00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:01,644
I'd never do that.
862
01:00:04,142 --> 01:00:05,519
Do what?
863
01:00:05,644 --> 01:00:07,021
Chailey!
864
01:00:07,479 --> 01:00:08,856
Chailey Morris!
865
01:00:09,356 --> 01:00:10,733
Chailey!
866
01:00:11,691 --> 01:00:13,318
- Chailey!
- Chailey!
867
01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,205
She's not texting back.
868
01:00:18,573 --> 01:00:20,200
- Chailey!
- Chailey!
869
01:00:52,941 --> 01:00:55,114
(HEAVY BREATHING)
870
01:00:55,277 --> 01:00:58,076
(SHALLOW PANTING)
871
01:00:58,238 --> 01:00:59,706
(SQUEALS)
872
01:01:02,075 --> 01:01:04,077
(MOANING)
873
01:01:04,578 --> 01:01:06,751
(TEARING)
(SCREAMS)
874
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:08,381
(SCREAMING)
(HISSING)
875
01:01:08,540 --> 01:01:09,917
(GASPS)
876
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,552
(GROANS)
877
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:16,215
Oh, for Christ's sake, Banjo,
you've pissed the bed.
878
01:01:16,756 --> 01:01:19,305
(SLEEPILY) Poppy.
- Disgusting.
879
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,411
Where's that necklace?
880
01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:41,949
I'm sure I had it
when we got back from the restaurant.
881
01:01:42,490 --> 01:01:43,958
Well, that's what happens
when you go off schedule.
882
01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:46,294
Chris, are we going
to the Pencil Museum now?
883
01:01:46,745 --> 01:01:49,168
Actually, I told Martin
I'd help with modifications
884
01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:50,666
to the Carapod this morning.
885
01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:52,713
But we scheduled the Pencil Museum.
886
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,794
Well, it's my turn to go off schedule.
887
01:01:55,295 --> 01:01:56,717
Fine.
888
01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:00,642
Come on, Poppy.
889
01:02:01,635 --> 01:02:03,637
Come on. Come on, Poppy.
890
01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:06,226
(GRUFFLY) Come on, Poppy.
891
01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:10,227
Poppy! Poppy! Poppy!
892
01:02:10,727 --> 01:02:14,482
(GRUNTING) Come on. Come on, Poppy.
893
01:02:14,522 --> 01:02:17,321
(GROWLING)
894
01:02:20,528 --> 01:02:22,326
Well, fuck you, then.
895
01:02:32,666 --> 01:02:34,714
How long have you two
been together, then?
896
01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:36,841
Uh, about three months.
897
01:02:38,338 --> 01:02:40,181
Still getting on all right?
898
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:43,014
Yeah. (EXHALES)
Sex life's fucking fantastic, mate.
899
01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:44,849
- Is it?
- Better than ever.
900
01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:46,601
- Fair play, mate.
- Yeah.
901
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:50,435
She don't mind you smoking a bit
of the old herb every now and again?
902
01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:52,770
No, she don't care about that.
903
01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:54,863
She doesn't like me drinking
904
01:02:54,896 --> 01:02:57,194
and she doesn't like me doing her
up the bumhole.
905
01:02:59,276 --> 01:03:02,701
FEMALE NARRATOR ON PA: Legend has it
that in the early 1500s,
906
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:06,204
a violent storm
in the Borrowdale area of Cumberland
907
01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:08,411
led to trees being uprooted
908
01:03:08,535 --> 01:03:12,039
and the discovery
of a strange black material underneath.
909
01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:15,546
This material turned out to be graphite.
910
01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:21,552
A cottage industry of pencil-making
soon developed,
911
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:27,562
culminating in the formation of
the UK's first pencil factory in 1832.
912
01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:31,149
The factory has had various owners...
913
01:03:33,393 --> 01:03:35,896
And then like this, sort of disco style.
914
01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:37,940
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
915
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:49,834
Excuse me. How much is that big pencil?
916
01:03:49,909 --> 01:03:51,331
£24.
917
01:04:05,050 --> 01:04:07,178
Go. Fast as you can.
918
01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,517
- Oh, mate. You all right?
(COUGHING)
919
01:04:14,768 --> 01:04:17,317
- Oh, bloody hell.
- Bloody hell, mate.
920
01:04:19,064 --> 01:04:20,486
CHRIS: Banjo.
921
01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:22,734
- Banjo. Banjo, get away.
- Ugh!
922
01:04:22,817 --> 01:04:24,444
Go!
923
01:04:27,072 --> 01:04:31,578
NARRATOR: ...becoming
the Cumberland Pencil Company in 1916.
924
01:04:32,452 --> 01:04:36,798
The Lakeland children's range
was launched in 1930,
925
01:04:36,873 --> 01:04:41,879
followed by the Derwent brand
of fine art pencils in...
926
01:04:42,837 --> 01:04:45,306
How did you decide on the size of this
when you were originally...
927
01:04:45,382 --> 01:04:47,305
Oh, from a P&O ferry.
928
01:04:49,344 --> 01:04:51,438
(CHUCKLING)
929
01:04:59,562 --> 01:05:01,109
NARRATOR: ...canteen building,
930
01:05:01,189 --> 01:05:04,068
and advertisements were placed
in newspapers,
931
01:05:04,150 --> 01:05:06,699
seeking artefacts and memorabilia.
932
01:05:09,656 --> 01:05:12,159
The famous Pencil Museum...
933
01:05:12,659 --> 01:05:14,206
(PHONE RINGING)
934
01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:26,764
(SOBBING) Mum.
935
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:28,387
Is that you, Tina?
936
01:05:28,466 --> 01:05:29,888
Oh, Mum.
937
01:05:32,303 --> 01:05:34,681
- Has it gone wrong?
- No.
938
01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:36,728
Yes.
939
01:05:36,808 --> 01:05:39,186
Yeah, a bit, sort of.
940
01:05:41,020 --> 01:05:44,650
Shall I come? No, I can't. I'm too ill.
941
01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:47,201
I don't know what he wants.
942
01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:49,737
Oh, they're all the same.
943
01:05:49,821 --> 01:05:52,290
Whatever you give him,
he'll want the opposite.
944
01:05:52,365 --> 01:05:55,414
(SNIFFLES) I've done things.
945
01:05:55,493 --> 01:05:57,587
Ooh, Tina. What?
946
01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:00,506
What have you done, love?
947
01:06:01,416 --> 01:06:02,838
(WHIMPERS)
948
01:06:03,001 --> 01:06:04,469
Sex things?
949
01:06:04,961 --> 01:06:06,554
And other stuff.
950
01:06:07,839 --> 01:06:12,310
Because I thought that was what
he wanted to see me do, you know?
951
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:15,768
But now I'm not sure.
952
01:06:16,181 --> 01:06:19,230
You didn't let him see you do
number twos, did you, Tina?
953
01:06:20,185 --> 01:06:21,607
Never.
954
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:25,983
Mystery, Tina, is a woman's sanctuary.
955
01:06:28,151 --> 01:06:30,950
(CURTLY) Bye, now,
'cause I've got stuff to do.
956
01:06:31,988 --> 01:06:33,410
Mum.
957
01:07:12,195 --> 01:07:14,869
(WHISPERING)
Poppy's with the babysitter.
958
01:07:15,740 --> 01:07:17,492
Don't call him that.
959
01:07:17,909 --> 01:07:19,832
Make love to me, Chris.
960
01:07:21,371 --> 01:07:23,840
No, I can't. I'm still processing.
961
01:07:23,915 --> 01:07:25,337
Please.
962
01:07:26,417 --> 01:07:29,341
That poor girl. She was getting married.
963
01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:33,007
Just the thought of that
just makes me feel...
964
01:07:33,091 --> 01:07:34,513
Sexy.
965
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:39,014
Ruined that restaurant for me.
966
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:42,688
I've been very bad, Chris.
967
01:07:44,394 --> 01:07:46,613
I think you should punish me.
968
01:07:48,189 --> 01:07:49,782
With your cock.
969
01:07:49,857 --> 01:07:53,202
Tina. It's not sexy. It was wrong.
970
01:07:53,945 --> 01:07:55,743
You're not qualified.
971
01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:58,537
Fine!
972
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:03,838
(PANTING ANGRILY)
973
01:08:10,336 --> 01:08:12,054
What are you doing?
974
01:08:13,172 --> 01:08:15,425
Finishing what you started.
975
01:08:15,758 --> 01:08:17,760
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
976
01:08:30,189 --> 01:08:31,862
MAN ON RADIO: ...have been
at their highest for a decade.
977
01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:35,062
There have been grim warnings that the
country could return to the dark days...
978
01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:37,952
(WOOD CREAKING)
979
01:08:44,162 --> 01:08:45,664
(CLATTERING)
980
01:08:47,498 --> 01:08:49,500
Oh, what the fuck?
981
01:08:52,295 --> 01:08:53,717
Pull over!
982
01:08:54,881 --> 01:08:56,724
(SIGHS) Fucking hell.
983
01:08:58,051 --> 01:08:59,519
(MOBILE RINGING)
984
01:08:59,844 --> 01:09:02,518
(CHEERILY) Morning, Chris.
- Pull over now!
985
01:09:02,555 --> 01:09:04,023
- Oh.
- What the hell are you doing?
986
01:09:04,557 --> 01:09:06,059
I thought I'd give you a lie-in.
987
01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,486
A lie-in? Pull over now!
988
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:11,235
- Fine.
(TYRES SCREECHING)
989
01:09:15,735 --> 01:09:17,157
Oh, Christ.
990
01:09:18,821 --> 01:09:22,416
Aw. It reminds me
of the first day of the holiday.
991
01:09:22,533 --> 01:09:23,910
No, that was an accident.
992
01:09:24,035 --> 01:09:27,005
I feel a bit emotional,
'cause, you know,
993
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:29,424
it's the first one we've done together,
isn't it?
994
01:09:29,499 --> 01:09:31,501
- Ah, you're sacked.
- What?
995
01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,006
- You're sacked.
- What?
996
01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:35,339
Look... (CHUCKLES)
...this isn't working.
997
01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:37,582
Look, I don't... I don't need you.
I don't need a muse.
998
01:09:37,590 --> 01:09:39,433
I'm not a bloody writer, am I?
999
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:42,353
No, you're not. You're a serial killer.
1000
01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,229
- That's what you are.
- I am not. Look, Tina,
1001
01:09:44,263 --> 01:09:47,688
I need structure. Organisation.
This is just chaos.
1002
01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:50,520
(STAMMERING) It's not my style!
Just... All this...
1003
01:09:50,603 --> 01:09:52,947
Oh, I can't open the fucking door now!
1004
01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:56,776
(GROANS)
1005
01:09:58,736 --> 01:10:00,784
You did this to me. (GRUNTING) God!
1006
01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:03,540
TINA: You done it to yourself.
1007
01:10:03,866 --> 01:10:05,789
- I need justification.
- Really?
1008
01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:08,789
- This is just murder.
- Well, maybe this is my style, Chris.
1009
01:10:08,871 --> 01:10:11,294
- Yeah, great style.
- Maybe this is my style.
1010
01:10:11,374 --> 01:10:13,468
You are really bloody stylish,
aren't you?
1011
01:10:13,584 --> 01:10:16,383
- I know.
- Look at that! That's your style?
1012
01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:18,639
Look, it's nothing personal.
1013
01:10:18,756 --> 01:10:21,259
It's just,
you're a negative influence on me.
1014
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:22,935
Do you know that?
1015
01:10:22,969 --> 01:10:25,813
I've done more murders
in the last fucking three days
1016
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:28,482
than in the entire six months
since I got made redundant.
1017
01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,310
- Redundant?
- Yes.
1018
01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,983
You said you'd taken a sabbatical.
1019
01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:35,152
It doesn't matter.
You can't help it, you're evil.
1020
01:10:35,273 --> 01:10:37,992
Maybe even a witch.
Yeah, you're a witch.
1021
01:10:38,651 --> 01:10:40,494
You're a bloody witch.
1022
01:10:49,454 --> 01:10:52,378
I don't think anyone
will be able to see him.
1023
01:11:09,348 --> 01:11:11,897
FEMALE NEWSREADER ON RADIO: The tragic
death of bride-to-be Chailey Morris
1024
01:11:12,018 --> 01:11:16,068
on Tuesday is now considered
not to be an accident.
1025
01:11:16,189 --> 01:11:18,533
The police announced today
that they're pursuing
1026
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:23,413
a ginger-faced man and an angry woman
in connection with inquiries.
1027
01:11:23,529 --> 01:11:26,499
It's not yet known
how the incident happened.
1028
01:12:23,631 --> 01:12:25,304
There she blows.
1029
01:12:26,425 --> 01:12:27,927
Journey's end.
1030
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:43,283
(HAWK SCREECHES)
1031
01:12:43,985 --> 01:12:45,453
CHRIS: Is that a hawk?
1032
01:13:06,048 --> 01:13:07,550
(WIND HOWLING)
1033
01:14:07,735 --> 01:14:10,909
CHRIS: Wonder where Martin is.
Should be here by now.
1034
01:14:11,030 --> 01:14:12,953
Wonder where Poppy is.
1035
01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:18,880
I hope he can find us here.
1036
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:21,378
Who, Poppy?
1037
01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:22,879
- No, Martin.
- Oh.
1038
01:14:26,712 --> 01:14:28,134
Hey.
1039
01:14:29,215 --> 01:14:30,592
Hey!
1040
01:14:33,427 --> 01:14:34,974
MARTIN: Whoa-ho-ho!
1041
01:14:35,054 --> 01:14:37,398
Picked a spectacular spot, mate!
1042
01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:40,894
Yeah, bit off the beaten track, innit?
(CHUCKLES)
1043
01:14:43,062 --> 01:14:45,235
- All right, mate?
- Yeah, I'm great, yeah.
1044
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,907
All right, love?
1045
01:14:47,566 --> 01:14:49,068
Yeah. Good.
1046
01:14:49,151 --> 01:14:50,573
Hello, boy.
1047
01:14:51,237 --> 01:14:55,117
- Poppy! There you are!
- Hello.
1048
01:14:55,241 --> 01:14:59,087
Oh, Poppy. It's Mummy. Eh?
1049
01:15:00,454 --> 01:15:02,206
Come on, let's get you in the warm.
1050
01:15:05,292 --> 01:15:07,465
- Cheers. Cheers, yeah.
- Cheers.
1051
01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:09,047
- Cheers, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Glad you made it, mate.
1052
01:15:09,130 --> 01:15:10,632
Yeah, well, it's lovely
to be here, mate.
1053
01:15:10,715 --> 01:15:15,437
You know, with a sort of marketing
strategy and a good production schedule,
1054
01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:17,730
I think we could
make it work, yeah. Yeah.
1055
01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:19,682
Actually, I was thinking
of going to see this guy in Spain.
1056
01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:23,235
He's got, um, some amazing ideas
about combi-power inverters.
1057
01:15:23,310 --> 01:15:25,404
- I mean, you must know about them.
- Yeah. Oh, right, cool, yeah.
1058
01:15:25,479 --> 01:15:28,198
Well, here's to Carapod International.
Eh? Cheers.
1059
01:15:28,274 --> 01:15:30,868
- Cheers.
- Tina? Carapod International.
1060
01:15:32,611 --> 01:15:34,033
- Brilliant.
- Yeah, yeah.
1061
01:15:34,113 --> 01:15:35,535
I'm going for a piss.
1062
01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:37,241
Yeah, yeah, fine.
1063
01:15:39,326 --> 01:15:40,748
It's, uh...
1064
01:15:40,828 --> 01:15:44,128
Sorry, it's a bit squished in here.
Sorry. Um, just... (SNORTS)
1065
01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:45,758
Yeah, he's a lovely bloke, isn't he?
1066
01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:48,928
Oh, honestly, I'm so happy
I bumped into you guys.
1067
01:15:49,003 --> 01:15:51,677
You know, I really need
a business partner, you know,
1068
01:15:51,756 --> 01:15:53,508
'cause I come up with the ideas
1069
01:15:53,591 --> 01:15:56,390
but I'm not good
at the organisational end of things.
1070
01:15:56,469 --> 01:16:00,599
So, you know, and, uh, I really bonded
with little Banjo over here.
1071
01:16:00,681 --> 01:16:02,103
Who?
1072
01:16:02,433 --> 01:16:06,438
That's his name, isn't it?
It's just that Chris said it was...
1073
01:16:06,937 --> 01:16:08,359
Did he?
1074
01:16:08,773 --> 01:16:10,901
(STAMMERING NERVOUSLY)
So did I get that wrong?
1075
01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:19,746
Do you know what it's like
to be a woman, Martin?
1076
01:16:19,825 --> 01:16:22,248
(CHUCKLES) Uh, no. No.
1077
01:16:23,370 --> 01:16:24,838
I do.
1078
01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:26,336
Fine.
1079
01:16:26,415 --> 01:16:28,509
It's not too bad, actually.
1080
01:16:29,085 --> 01:16:30,507
Yeah, I imagine, yeah, yeah.
1081
01:16:30,586 --> 01:16:32,759
He can be very controlling.
1082
01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:35,758
- Really? Right. I...
- Very domineering.
1083
01:16:36,175 --> 01:16:39,725
- Well, he's... Yeah.
- But you're not like that, are you?
1084
01:16:40,054 --> 01:16:43,308
No, no. Me, I'm a pretty
easy-going guy really, yeah.
1085
01:16:43,390 --> 01:16:45,688
Haven't you got lovely eyelashes?
1086
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:47,611
- Have I?
- Mmm.
1087
01:16:47,686 --> 01:16:50,530
- Thanks very much. Yeah.
(WHISPERING) Kiss me.
1088
01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:55,744
Martin, did you hear me?
1089
01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:00,203
- Kiss me, Martin.
- Um...
1090
01:17:00,282 --> 01:17:01,875
Just quickly before he comes back.
1091
01:17:06,413 --> 01:17:08,541
- All right, mate?
- All right?
1092
01:17:09,166 --> 01:17:11,089
- What?
- Cheers.
1093
01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:13,011
- Cheers, yeah.
- Cheers. Here's to you.
1094
01:17:17,091 --> 01:17:18,388
What?
1095
01:17:20,469 --> 01:17:23,188
Martin just said
some filthy things to me, Chris.
1096
01:17:23,556 --> 01:17:26,275
Yeah? Well, do tell. (CHUCKLES)
1097
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:29,274
He said I was a dirty, slutty bitch.
1098
01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:32,402
And he wanted to fuck me.
1099
01:17:33,607 --> 01:17:36,702
And he said he wanted to shit
in my mouth and in my underwear,
1100
01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:42,826
and he said he wanted to shit in my hand
and make me use it as a brown lipstick.
1101
01:17:43,200 --> 01:17:46,545
(STAMMERING) Mate, I... I...
1102
01:17:47,580 --> 01:17:51,084
You know,
if Martin really said these things,
1103
01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:55,968
then I've got no objection, in theory.
1104
01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:58,431
- In theory?
- Yeah.
1105
01:18:02,011 --> 01:18:04,264
What about practice, Chris?
1106
01:18:09,351 --> 01:18:11,103
- Right. Um...
- Chris.
1107
01:18:11,896 --> 01:18:15,366
Um, I'm gonna go to bed now, all right?
I'm... (EXHALES)
1108
01:18:15,566 --> 01:18:17,646
Yeah, it's probably best,
actually, mate. Yeah, yeah.
1109
01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,616
Yeah, it's been a long day.
Yeah, yeah, so I'll just...
1110
01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:21,368
Yeah, I think we're probably
gonna turn in, too. So...
1111
01:18:21,447 --> 01:18:24,701
Yeah, can I just...
Yeah, can I just, uh...
1112
01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:27,286
Will you let Martin out, please?
1113
01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:34,923
Right, cheers then, yeah.
See you in the morning.
1114
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:37,759
(DOOR CLOSES)
1115
01:18:38,672 --> 01:18:40,515
Why are you behaving
like that in front of Martin?!
1116
01:18:40,591 --> 01:18:43,014
Why can't I have a friend?
You've got that bloody dog, Banjo!
1117
01:18:43,093 --> 01:18:46,347
- Poppy!
- It's called Banjo!
1118
01:18:46,430 --> 01:18:48,524
(SQUEALING) - Poppy!
- Banjo!
1119
01:18:48,933 --> 01:18:51,402
Just stop saying that
in front of the dog.
1120
01:18:51,477 --> 01:18:53,104
You're giving him an identity crisis.
1121
01:18:53,187 --> 01:18:57,237
How is he gonna have an identity crisis,
Chris, when he's a stupid fucking dog?
1122
01:18:57,316 --> 01:18:58,533
(WHIMPERS)
1123
01:19:06,992 --> 01:19:09,120
MARTIN: Hello? Hello? Hey!
1124
01:19:09,203 --> 01:19:10,455
(WHEELS CLATTERING)
1125
01:19:10,537 --> 01:19:12,756
Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
1126
01:19:13,207 --> 01:19:16,086
(SCREAMING)
1127
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:30,019
(EXHALES)
1128
01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:40,367
Well, that solves that problem.
1129
01:19:45,864 --> 01:19:47,866
Oh, fuckin' God, no.
1130
01:19:47,950 --> 01:19:49,372
No!
1131
01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:56,542
Martin?
1132
01:19:57,376 --> 01:19:58,844
Martin?
1133
01:20:02,214 --> 01:20:03,807
Martin!
1134
01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:10,389
You are a fucking liability, you are.
1135
01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,192
You're a liability.
You're just like your mother.
1136
01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:15,353
You can't... Ow, fucking hell.
1137
01:20:15,394 --> 01:20:17,396
(SHRIEKING)
(GRUNTING)
1138
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:26,997
(KISSING)
1139
01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:30,500
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1140
01:20:31,535 --> 01:20:34,880
- Oh, you are a powder keg.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1141
01:20:35,581 --> 01:20:38,380
(♪ THE POWER OF LOVE BY
FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD)
1142
01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:42,676
♪ Feels likes fire
1143
01:20:43,547 --> 01:20:46,926
♪ I'm so in love with you
1144
01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:52,599
♪ Dreams are like angels
1145
01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:56,777
♪ They keep bad at bay
Bad at bay
1146
01:20:57,102 --> 01:21:02,780
♪ Love is the light
scaring darkness away
1147
01:21:02,900 --> 01:21:06,404
♪ Yeah
1148
01:21:07,029 --> 01:21:09,908
♪ I'm so in love with you
1149
01:21:09,948 --> 01:21:11,950
♪ Purge the soul
1150
01:21:14,787 --> 01:21:20,715
♪ Make love your goal
1151
01:21:22,211 --> 01:21:25,806
♪ The power of love
1152
01:21:26,298 --> 01:21:29,643
♪ A force from above
1153
01:21:30,969 --> 01:21:35,440
♪ Cleaning my soul
1154
01:21:37,810 --> 01:21:41,155
♪ Flame on burn desire
1155
01:21:41,188 --> 01:21:45,034
♪ Love with tongues of fire
1156
01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:47,869
♪ Purge the soul
1157
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:52,662
♪ Make love your goal
1158
01:22:08,549 --> 01:22:12,725
♪ I'll protect you from the Hooded Claw
1159
01:22:12,845 --> 01:22:16,190
♪ Keep the vampires from your door
1160
01:22:16,306 --> 01:22:17,683
♪ When the chips are down
1161
01:22:17,850 --> 01:22:20,399
(BOTH HOWLING)
(BANJO BARKING)
1162
01:22:20,519 --> 01:22:23,193
♪ I'll be around with my undying
1163
01:22:23,230 --> 01:22:26,359
♪ Death-defying love for you
1164
01:22:26,483 --> 01:22:30,363
(ECHOING)
♪ Envy will hurt itself
1165
01:22:31,029 --> 01:22:34,704
♪ Let yourself be beautiful
1166
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:40,707
♪ Sparkling love flowers
and pearls and pretty girls
1167
01:22:41,248 --> 01:22:44,548
♪ Love is like an energy
1168
01:22:44,668 --> 01:22:48,718
♪ Rushing in, rushing inside of me
1169
01:22:49,590 --> 01:22:51,763
♪ Hey.
1170
01:22:56,054 --> 01:22:59,854
♪ The power of love
1171
01:22:59,892 --> 01:23:03,567
♪ A force from above
1172
01:23:03,687 --> 01:23:06,110
♪ Cleaning my soul...
1173
01:23:06,231 --> 01:23:08,233
So have you had a nice holiday?
1174
01:23:08,275 --> 01:23:12,246
(PANTING) Yeah.
I've had a brilliant holiday.
1175
01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:16,041
I'm sorry about
calling you a witch and that.
1176
01:23:19,244 --> 01:23:22,418
What do you reckon?
You sure this is what you want?
1177
01:23:22,539 --> 01:23:24,041
(PANTING)
1178
01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:28,762
- Three...
(TINA GASPS)
1179
01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:30,464
- ...two...
- Two...
1180
01:23:31,465 --> 01:23:32,933
- ...one.
- ...one.
1181
01:23:33,926 --> 01:23:35,303
Go.
1182
01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:43,227
(BREATHING TREMULOUSLY)
1183
01:23:50,651 --> 01:23:52,699
(♪ TAINTED LOVE BY GLORIA JONES)
1184
01:23:52,724 --> 01:23:54,724
(ENGLISH US - SDH)
1185
01:23:55,000 --> 01:24:58,075
[ © anoXmous @ https://thepiratebay.se/user/anoXmous/]