1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,953 Tonight's program takes us backstage 4 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:21,540 to witness firsthand the creation, start to finish, 5 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,252 of a new play mounted on the American stage. 6 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,755 Asteroid City does not exist. 7 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,382 It is an imaginary drama 8 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,260 created expressly for this broadcast. 9 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,264 The characters are fictional, the text hypothetical, 10 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,891 the events an apocryphal fabrication, 11 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,894 but together they present an authentic account 12 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,648 of the inner workings of a modern theatrical production. 13 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:50,527 Our story begins, of course, with an ink ribbon. 14 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:54,740 Conrad Earp, playwright, native of upper Wyoming, 15 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,909 well-known for his romantic poetic tapestries 16 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,704 of life west of the Rocky Mountains. 17 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,045 There is little amusement to be had, however, 18 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,963 in watching a man type. 19 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,300 Skip ahead, then, past the lonely, agonized months 20 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,636 of composing, revising, polishing, editing, rewriting, 21 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:20,182 cutting, pasting, pacing, doodling and solitary drinking, 22 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,726 and join our company as they take the stage 23 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,936 for their first read-through rehearsal. 24 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,064 the Tarkington Theater, 25 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,150 345 South Northwest Avenue. 26 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,322 Curtain rises on a desert bus stop 27 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,575 halfway between Parched Gulch and Arid Plains. 28 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,702 Main scenography includes 29 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,829 a 12-stool luncheonette, 30 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,748 a one-pump filling station 31 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,584 and a ten-cabin motor court hotel. 32 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,211 Upstage left: 33 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,879 the Tomahawk Mountains. 34 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,340 Highest peak: 11,000 feet. 35 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,301 Upstage right: an unfinished highway overpass 36 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,595 which vaults up 20 feet, then chops off midair 37 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,931 behind a permanent roadblock. 38 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,599 Center front: an impact crater 39 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,518 a hundred feet in depth and diameter 40 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:08,271 encircled by a low Little League variety chain-link fence. 41 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,026 Offstage, distant: a 650-car freight train 42 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,571 which click-clacks by at five miles an hour. 43 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,365 Note to chief electrician: 44 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,451 The light of the desert sun is neither warm nor cool 45 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,037 but always clean 46 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,998 and, above all, unforgiving. 47 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,418 Augie Steenbeck, 48 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,753 war photographer, early 40s. 49 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:35,090 His son Woodrow, 14, also known as Brainiac. 50 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,927 Midge Campbell, late 30s, film actress. 51 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,179 Her daughter Dinah, 15. 52 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,807 June Douglas, schoolteacher. 53 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,685 Ranch hand Montana, above. 54 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,812 Grif Gibson, five-star general. 55 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:53,358 Sandy Borden, Roger Cho, J.J. Kellogg. 56 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,861 Clifford, Ricky, Shelly. 57 00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,031 Stanley Zak, 65, retired. 58 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,661 The action of the play takes place in September of 1955. 59 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,956 Act one: Friday morning, 7:00 a.m. 60 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,459 Act two: the next day. 61 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,919 Act three: one week later. 62 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,677 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 63 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:25,098 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 64 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,602 ♪ If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ♪ 65 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:32,856 ♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando ♪ 66 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,608 ♪ Last night, I met my sweet Dorothy ♪ 67 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,776 ♪ She said, "Tomorrow I join in sweet matrimony" ♪ 68 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,778 ♪ But if you act all right ♪ 69 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,405 ♪ Oh, you can take me out tonight ♪ 70 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,616 ♪ We can wine and dine and get back in time ♪ 71 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,410 ♪ For the last train to San Fernando ♪ 72 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:50,207 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 73 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:53,793 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 74 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,464 ♪ If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ♪ 75 00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,884 ♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando. ♪ 76 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,281 GIRL It's a dead snake. 77 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,575 Flat snake. 78 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,119 Poke him in the head with this stick. 79 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,417 -♪ I wander the streets ♪ 80 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,921 ♪ And the gay crowded places... ♪ 81 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:46,466 Five orders of flapjacks and a black coffee. 82 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,719 ♪ But somehow it seems ♪ 83 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:53,181 ♪ That my thoughts ever stray ♪ 84 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,891 ♪ To our last... ♪ 85 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,226 Who needs to pee? 86 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,727 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. 87 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,479 Our average speed is 83 feet per second. 88 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,564 Poor fuel efficiency due to excess wind resistance. 89 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,149 Probably the luggage rack. 90 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,485 Based on data before the loss of power, obviously. 91 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,737 ♪ High in the sky... ♪ 92 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,614 What do you little princesses want to drink? 93 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,241 -Oh, we're not princesses. -I'm a vampire. 94 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,034 I'm a mummy in Egypt who got buried alive... 95 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,911 -I suck people's blood. -...and came back to life 96 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,372 -with his head chopped off. -I'm a fairy. 97 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,501 How about a glass of strawberry milk? 98 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,588 What was that? 99 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,465 Another atom bomb test. 100 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,109 I've seen this combination of symptoms twice before 101 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,445 in the '52 Estate model. 102 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:52,532 In one case, it was a quick fix of a 75-cent part. 103 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,701 In the other case, it was a difficult, costly, 104 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,662 time-consuming disassembly and re-mantling 105 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,164 of the entire drivetrain 106 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,374 and lubrication mechanism, which didn't work. 107 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,001 The motor exploded itself, 108 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,253 and the body was stripped and sold for scrap. 109 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,880 There it is. 110 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,597 Well, which one have we got? 111 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,807 We're about to find out. 112 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,341 You got the first one. 113 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,884 -How much do I owe you? -Nothing. 114 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,552 -Ten dollars for the tow. 115 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,518 What's that? Wh-What's that? 116 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,020 I don't know. 117 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,617 I think you've got a third problem 118 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,702 we've never seen before. 119 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,836 MAN Zak residence. 120 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,504 Romulus, this is Augie Steenbeck. 121 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,422 Good morning, Mr. Augie. The gate is open. 122 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,299 -No, we're not there. -You're not here? 123 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,135 -May I speak to Mr. Zak? -Yes, Mr. Augie. 124 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,736 -You're not here? -We're not there. 125 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780 The car exploded. Come get the girls. 126 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,282 The car exploded? 127 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,826 Parts of the car exploded itself, yes. 128 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,661 -Come get the girls. -I'm not their chauffeur. 129 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,037 I'm their grandfather. 130 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,248 -Where are you? -Asteroid City. 131 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,292 Farm Route Six, mile 75. Come get the girls. 132 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835 I have to stay here with Woodrow. 133 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,169 What are you talking about? 134 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,463 The thing for Woodrow. We're there. 135 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,925 Hmm. 136 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,639 -Hello? -How'd they take it? 137 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,644 They didn't. 138 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:27,854 -No? -No. 139 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,439 -No. -Yes. 140 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,316 -You didn't tell them still? -I still didn't tell them. 141 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,651 -You promised. -I know. 142 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,864 The time is never right. 143 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,199 The time... 144 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,368 is always wrong. 145 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,254 Are you okay? 146 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,089 No. 147 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,803 You never liked me, did you? 148 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,848 I never loved you. I always thought that you... 149 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,767 You always thought I wasn't good enough for her. 150 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,061 Yes. We're saying the same thing. 151 00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,356 -Gas up the Cadillac. -Okay. 152 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,690 -Tell the kids. -I will. 153 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,943 I'll be there when I get there. 154 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,624 It's the end of that car. 155 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,584 Andromeda, check under the floor mats. Come on. 156 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,252 Pandora, check the side pockets. 157 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,254 Cassiopeia, check the cracks between the seats. 158 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,340 Take everything. What do you think, Woodrow? 159 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,258 I think it's kind of sad. 160 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,735 Rest stop, 13 minutes. 161 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,033 -Head count. One. 162 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,451 -Two. -Three. -Four. 163 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,785 -Five. -Six. -Seven. -Eight. 164 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,287 -Nine. -Ten. -All present. 165 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,039 Let's give thanks for a safe journey. Billy? 166 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,623 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee kindly 167 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:53,958 for a terrific bus ride. 168 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,334 I ate three boxes of Cracker Jacks, 169 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,836 got a dog whistle and a miniature map 170 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,379 of the original 13 colonies. 171 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,381 Also, we saw a coyote get run over by a 14-wheeler 172 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,091 and left him flat as a pancake. 173 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,092 Boy, oh, boy. What else? 174 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,302 The bus driver had to stop twice 175 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,511 because Bernice couldn't hold it. 176 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,721 -Could so. Amen. 177 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,056 Amen. 178 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,724 Lunchtime. Line up single file. 179 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,021 My word. It's hot. 180 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,647 It's the desert. What'd you expect? 181 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,733 I don't know if I expected one thing or another, 182 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,610 but I'm wilting like a cut petunia. 183 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,403 -Humans don't wilt. -Don't they? 184 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,738 No, wilting is a phenomenon 185 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,698 by which a petal, leaf or stem... 186 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,325 Do you dare me? 187 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,827 -Dare you what? -To eat this hot pepper. 188 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,413 -It's an experiment. -No, don't do it. 189 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,918 Hot pepper. 190 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,795 Holy Toledo. That's Midge Campbell. 191 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,755 -Where? Who? -Right smack in back of you. 192 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,381 Don't look. 193 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,425 That must be her bodyguard. 194 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,636 Mr. Cho, yes? Hello. 195 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,930 You're in cabin seven. Well, tent seven. 196 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,973 Here's the key, but there's no door. 197 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,725 Just a flap. Tent flap. 198 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,310 -Tent? -I know. 199 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,562 I upgraded the electrical system Tuesday morning. 200 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,314 Better lighting, power for the ice machine 201 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,816 and a wall-mounted bug zapper. 202 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,651 Unfortunately, a mistake got made, 203 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,194 and cabin seven burned to the ground. 204 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,445 It's a tent now. 205 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,863 We don't want to sleep in a tent. 206 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,281 Of course. I understand. 207 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,492 May I say, I think you'll find it very comfortable. 208 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,744 Is the young gentleman in distress? 209 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,954 He's thirsty. 210 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,497 Of course. I understand. 211 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,083 Uh, juice preference, please: apple, orange or tomato? 212 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,419 Excuse me, sir? 213 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,922 This bucket of nuts just stole my quarter. 214 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,091 I beg your pardon. 215 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,845 ♪ She lived so long till her head got bald ♪ 216 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,847 ♪ Taken a notion not to die at all ♪ 217 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,849 ♪ Ida Red, Ida Red ♪ 218 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,852 ♪ I'm a plumb fool about Ida Red... ♪ 219 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,314 You're probably wondering why 220 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,608 we didn't pack your mother's suitcase. 221 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:47,446 It's because she's not coming with us on this journey. 222 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,866 She can't come. 223 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,243 She got too sick. 224 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,620 And, to put it bluntly, after all the surgeries, 225 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,747 -therapies and interventions, 226 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,667 after two years of struggling and suffering, 227 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,128 she succumbed to her illnesses. 228 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,255 I'm sorry. 229 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,090 I didn't know how to tell you then. 230 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,134 I couldn't figure out how to tell you later. 231 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,927 I didn't know what to do. 232 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,471 The time was never right. 233 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,934 You're saying our mother died three weeks ago? 234 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,271 Yes. 235 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:23,274 When is she coming back? 236 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,359 She's not coming back. 237 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,820 Let's say she's in heaven. 238 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,947 Which doesn't exist for me, of course, 239 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,949 but you're Episcopalian. 240 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,077 Come here. Let me hug you. 241 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,419 Okay. Sit back down. 242 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,137 Did you know already, Woodrow? 243 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,225 I think so. 244 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,852 She'd been away so long. 245 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,103 Mm-hmm. 246 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,607 Yeah. 247 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,275 We're gonna be okay. 248 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,777 Your grandfather's on his way. 249 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,862 We're gonna stay with him for a period of time 250 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,740 which is yet to be determined how long it's gonna be. 251 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,077 Is she in there? 252 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,582 Yeah. 253 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,876 She's in the Tupperware. 254 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,588 Cremated. 255 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,637 Are we orphans now? 256 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,390 Huh? 257 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,977 Are we orphans now? 258 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,311 No. 259 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,939 Because I'm still alive. 260 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,736 When my father died, my mother told me, "He's in the stars." 261 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,156 I told her, "The closest star, other than that one, 262 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,908 "is four and half light-years away 263 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,577 with a surface temperature over 5,000 degrees centigrade." 264 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,580 "He's not in the stars," I said. 265 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,499 "He's in the ground." 266 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,251 She thought it would comfort me. 267 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,836 She was an atheist. 268 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,797 The other thing she'd say which is incorrect: 269 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,757 "Time heals all wounds." 270 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,259 No. 271 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,553 Maybe it can be a Band-Aid. 272 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,014 Your concept of time is completely distorted, though. 273 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,849 I don't think any of you except Woodrow 274 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,393 even understands what 15 minutes means. 275 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:26,272 15 minutes is 6,200 hours. 276 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,360 Exactly. 277 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,404 That's not your fault. 278 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,204 If you could have anything in the world to eat right now, 279 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,081 what would it be? 280 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,420 The character of Augie Steenbeck 281 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,589 in the imaginary tale of our production 282 00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:54,342 was to become famously and indelibly connected 283 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,552 to the actor who created the role, 284 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,055 a former carpenter discovered in a bit part 285 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,390 by the play's director, Schubert Green. 286 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,559 I've finished my correspondence, Analisse. 287 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,353 Please bring me my cocktail and my pill. 288 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,896 -Remember, the gentleman... -Oh, no. 289 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,272 ...referred by Mr. Green has arrived. 290 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,857 No. Send him away. 291 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,734 Put him up at the Salty Skipper or the Lighthouse Inn 292 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,527 and tell him to come back in the morning 293 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,737 but not before 11:00. 294 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,155 The occasion of the first meeting 295 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,491 between playwright and player is now, 296 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,076 in our fanciful telling, 297 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,661 a matter of theatrical lore and legend. 298 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,664 late autumn, late afternoon, 299 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,751 a seaside village outside the grand metropolis. 300 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,337 Oh, no, again. I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry. 301 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,048 Did Miss Watson not inform you? I'm indisposed. 302 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,300 I know, but the ice cream would've melted. 303 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,767 -What's this? -I think it's the one you like. 304 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,769 Gooseberry Wriggle from the Frosty Spoon 305 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,229 on East Rotterdam. 306 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,272 I wrapped it in sawdust, newspaper and peanut shells. 307 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,690 You shouldn't waste your spending money 308 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,109 on an old fool like me. 309 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,527 Well, they gave me ten dollars bus fare, 310 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,320 so I bought us a half bucket, hitchhiked 311 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,406 and pocketed the change. 312 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,746 Cool and delicious. 313 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,374 How long have you been in the service? 314 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,708 The service? What service? 315 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,210 I don't know what you're talking about. 316 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,837 Well, unless I've been deliberately misinformed, 317 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,713 I believe those stripes indicate the status 318 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,507 of a ranking corporal, second class. 319 00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,260 Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three in Bugle Boy Blows the Blues. 320 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,886 Was, anyway. We closed tonight. 321 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,431 I see. Property of the wardrobe department. 322 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,266 Not anymore. 323 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,978 How was it, by the way? 324 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,272 -The play? It stunk. -Mm. 325 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,441 -Mind if I crack open a window? -Uh, not at all. 326 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,817 It's sweltering, isn't it? 327 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,069 Even the daisies and buttercups are drooping... 328 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,030 That window sticks a bit. That window sticks a bit! 329 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,745 -You broke my window. 330 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,420 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 331 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,591 Well, I don't even know myself, to tell you the truth. 332 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,009 I hadn't planned it that way. 333 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,011 He just sort of did it while I was typing. 334 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,888 Is it too extraordinary for you? 335 00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:06,515 Uh, I guess, the way I read it, he was looking for an excuse 336 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,517 why his heart was beating so fast. 337 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,977 Oh. 338 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,521 Oh, what an interesting sentiment. 339 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,356 I love that idea. 340 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,816 Maybe he should say it. 341 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,485 It's a very good line. 342 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,032 No, I suppose not. Not necessary. 343 00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:35,252 " playing) 344 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:49,016 It's a fact-- we're not alone. 345 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,726 The alien stole the asteroid. 346 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,269 Long thought to be a lunar splinter 347 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,604 fragmented from the lesser moon 348 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,023 of the hypothetical planet Magnavox-27, 349 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:58,234 now considered a rogue pygmy cometette, 350 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,736 according to the encyclopedia. 351 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,363 Obviously, she would've said something to him. 352 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,281 I'm certain of it. Your mother, I mean. 353 00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,825 She would've gotten him to tell us the secrets of the universe 354 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,078 or yelled at him or made him laugh. 355 00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:11,622 She would've had a hypothesis. 356 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:13,791 You remind me of her more than ever. 357 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,668 She wasn't shy. 358 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,670 You'll grow out of that. 359 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:21,340 I think your sisters might be aliens, too, by the way. 360 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,096 When I met your mother, she was only 19. 361 00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,348 She was smoking a cigarette, reading a paperback, 362 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,059 taking a bath in a swimsuit on a rusty fire escape 363 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:34,895 a flight and a half below my camera position. 364 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,815 Sometimes I sometimes still think 365 00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,734 I still hear her here 366 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,028 breathing in the dark. 367 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,326 Who knows, Woodrow? 368 00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,745 Maybe she is in the stars. 369 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,844 You're perfect. 370 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:12,975 " playing) 371 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,539 -Okay? -Okay. 372 00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,199 Hold on, partner! 373 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,829 -Zut alors. -Oh, no. 374 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,834 When's the next one? 375 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,587 Sunday morning, I think. 376 00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,433 Drink your juice. 377 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,568 You took a picture of me. 378 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:48,654 Uh-huh. 379 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:50,906 Why? 380 00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:53,367 I'm a photographer. 381 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,494 You didn't ask permission. 382 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,163 -I never ask permission. -Why not? 383 00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:02,501 Because I work in trenches, battlefields and combat zones. 384 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,919 Really? 385 00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,295 Uh-huh. 386 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,840 You mean you're a war photographer? 387 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,757 Mostly. 388 00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:11,301 Sometimes I cover sporting events. 389 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:13,470 My name is Augie Steenbeck. 390 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,514 Mm-hmm. 391 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,852 What are you gonna do with it? 392 00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,437 That picture. 393 00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:24,690 Hmm. Well, if it's any good, I guess I'll try to sell it 394 00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,025 to a magazine, now that you mention it. 395 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:29,862 "Midge Campbell eating a waffle." 396 00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,534 Make me a print first, to approve. 397 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,328 Uh-huh. 398 00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,039 This is Dinah. 399 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,207 This is Woodrow. 400 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:43,542 I have a question. 401 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:44,877 Uh-huh. 402 00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:46,879 Have you ever been shot with bullets? 403 00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:48,714 Have I ever been... 404 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,091 Uh, once or twice-- just grazed. 405 00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:54,303 He got shrapneled in the back of the head, too. Show her. 406 00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,308 Hmm. 407 00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:04,688 I don't say I forgive you yet, by the way. 408 00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:19,912 Welcome from the United States Military-Science 409 00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:21,914 Research and Experimentation Division, 410 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,166 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation. 411 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,751 We salute you. 412 00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,763 Each year, we celebrate Asteroid Day, 413 00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:40,641 commemorating September 23, 3007 BC, 414 00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:44,019 when the Arid Plains Meteorite made Earth impact. 415 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,855 The itinerary for this three-day celebration 416 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:49,233 includes a tour of the newly refurbished observatory 417 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:51,860 with Dr. Hickenlooper and her staff, 418 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,321 a picnic supper of chili and frankfurters 419 00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:57,115 with evening fireworks display, 420 00:26:57,115 --> 00:26:59,201 the viewing of the astronomical ellipses 421 00:26:59,201 --> 00:27:01,620 at its peak just before midnight tonight, 422 00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,956 and finally, the awarding of the annual 423 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:08,085 Hickenlooper Scholarship after Monday's banquet lunch. 424 00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:10,504 Now, I'll start by presenting the commemorative medals, 425 00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:12,506 but first, I'll do my speech first, 426 00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:15,551 which you'll also receive in a folio edition as a souvenir. 427 00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,436 Chapter One. 428 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,522 I walked to school 18 miles each morning, milked the goats, 429 00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,148 plucked the chickens, played hooky, caught fireflies, 430 00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:31,567 went skinny-dipping in the watering hole, 431 00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,068 said my prayers every night 432 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:34,820 and got whipped with a maple switch twice a week. 433 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,738 That was life. 434 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,950 Chapter Two. 435 00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:41,994 My father went off to fight in the war to end all wars-- 436 00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,495 it didn't-- and what was left of him 437 00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:45,581 came back in a pine box with a flag on top. 438 00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:47,499 End of Chapter Two. 439 00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:49,501 Next, I went to officer school, 440 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,962 and 20 years passed at the speed of a dream. 441 00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:55,173 A wife, a son, a daughter, a poodle. 442 00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,259 Chapter Three. Another war. 443 00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,386 Arms and legs blown off like popcorn, 444 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:02,180 eyeballs gouged out, figuratively and literally. 445 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:04,266 The men put on shows under the palm fronds 446 00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:05,851 dressed as women in hula skirts. 447 00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,561 That was life. 448 00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:09,938 In the meantime, somebody else's story. 449 00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:11,481 A man thinks up a number, 450 00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,442 divides it by a trillion, plugs it into the square root 451 00:28:13,442 --> 00:28:14,943 of the circumference of the Earth 452 00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:16,778 multiplied by the speed of a splitting atom, 453 00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,488 and voilà, progress. 454 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,490 I'm not a scientist. You are. 455 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,367 End of Chapter Three. 456 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:25,037 Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets, 457 00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:27,372 we watch transfixed as you enter 458 00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:30,667 into uncharted territories of the brains and spirit. 459 00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:33,879 If you wanted to live a nice, quiet, peaceful life, 460 00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,423 you picked the wrong time to get born. 461 00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,509 That's my speech. 462 00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:50,354 Be notified, you are each the guardian of your own safety. 463 00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:51,772 Maintain alert caution 464 00:28:51,772 --> 00:28:54,191 throughout the following demonstrations. 465 00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:56,902 To Ricky Cho, for his work in the field 466 00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:58,487 of aeronautical induction: 467 00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:01,073 the Collapsing Star Ribbon of Success. 468 00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,492 To Clifford Kellogg, for his work in the study 469 00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:06,453 of particle disintegration: 470 00:29:06,453 --> 00:29:08,413 the Black Hole Badge of Triumph. 471 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:09,957 To Dinah Campbell... 472 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,625 It's fueled by cosmic radiation instead of sunlight. 473 00:29:11,625 --> 00:29:13,335 ...for her work in the area 474 00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:15,379 of botanical acceleration... 475 00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:18,298 Unfortunately, it makes all vegetables toxic. 476 00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:20,801 ...the Red Giant Sash of Honor. 477 00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:22,302 To Shelly Borden, for her work 478 00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:23,887 in the realm of mineral fabrication... 479 00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:25,889 I synthesized an extraterrestrial element. 480 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,558 It's going to be added to the periodic table next year. 481 00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:31,186 ...the Distant Nebula Laurel Crown. 482 00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:33,689 To Woodrow Steenbeck... 483 00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:38,110 ...for his work in the sphere of astronomical imaging... 484 00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,950 It may have applications in the development 485 00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:46,785 of interstellar advertising. 486 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,454 ...the White Dwarf Medal of Achievement. 487 00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:55,961 Our tour ends here. 488 00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:57,671 Thank you for your attention, and thank you 489 00:29:57,671 --> 00:30:00,382 to the Larkings Foundation for their generous funding. 490 00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,182 -What do those pulses indicate? -What? 491 00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:11,059 Oh, the beeps and blips? We don't know. 492 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,729 Indecipherable radio emissions from outer space. 493 00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:15,981 -Probably a red herring. -Does it change ever? 494 00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:17,733 Not to my knowledge. 495 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:20,152 -It's a date, maybe. -It's a date? 496 00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:21,862 -On the galactic calendar. -Maybe. 497 00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:24,156 Mary, we think it's a date on the galactic calendar. 498 00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:26,324 What? Wow. -Is it always today? 499 00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,203 ♪ Yippee-yay ♪ 500 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:34,124 ♪ There'll be no wedding bells for today ♪ 501 00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:37,919 ♪ I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle... ♪ 502 00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,337 We thank thee for the ketchup, 503 00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:40,672 and we thank thee for the mustard. 504 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:41,798 We thank thee for the relish, 505 00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,592 and we thank thee for the onions. 506 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:45,635 -We thank thee for the pickles, and we thank... -Head count. 507 00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:46,762 -One. -Two. 508 00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:48,013 -Three. -Four. 509 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:49,514 -Five. -Six. 510 00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:51,224 -Dwight? Where's Dwight? -Eight. 511 00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:53,810 -Dwight? Dwight? -J.J.: Less than 0.0000% chance exists 512 00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:56,021 -of extraterrestrial life in the entire universe. -Dwight! 513 00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:57,481 It's a scientific fact. 514 00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,274 Other than space bugs and microscopic worms. 515 00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:00,942 -I assertively disagree. -So do I. 516 00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,070 -It's not a scientific fact. -It's not even a number. 517 00:31:03,070 --> 00:31:04,863 -Pass the pickles, please. -How's the chili? 518 00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,656 -Fine, once you add the hot sauce. -Thank you. 519 00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,116 Sparkler? -Consider the constants: 520 00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,701 endless space and immeasurable time. 521 00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,037 The likelihood is increased by a factor of infinity. 522 00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:14,164 -Where'd you get that? -The cantina machine. 523 00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:17,042 -Where's the cantina machine? The cantina machine? 524 00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:20,378 Can you see anything with those on your face? 525 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:21,797 Hmm. 526 00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,965 Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you... 527 00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:25,509 What did you do to deserve that? 528 00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:26,968 -Nothing. -Who hit you? 529 00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,220 Nobody. 530 00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,597 It's greasepaint, to feel like my character. 531 00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:33,225 Oh. How does she get a black eye? 532 00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:34,351 In the story. 533 00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:35,811 Well, she doesn't in the story. 534 00:31:35,811 --> 00:31:37,646 -It's on the inside. -Okay. 535 00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,731 -It's supposed to be, anyway. -It's on the inside. All right. 536 00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:41,399 The Larkings Foundation claims permanent, 537 00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:42,984 -incontestable rights. -That's right. 538 00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,694 -They're ours. We own them. -Incontestable rights 539 00:31:44,694 --> 00:31:46,238 to all patents or inventions derived 540 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,906 from any and every submission, without exception. 541 00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:49,574 Not for teenagers. Read the fine print. 542 00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:51,326 The projects all belong to Uncle Sam. 543 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:54,955 I call it "Triple Orbit and Return 544 00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:57,499 without Burning Up in the Atmosphere." 545 00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:08,176 Why are you sitting there all by yourself? 546 00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:10,345 -You. -Hmm? 547 00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,014 Uh, are you shy? 548 00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:15,016 I'm a late bloomer. 549 00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,810 So I've been told by my parents. 550 00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:19,729 -Are you intimidated by us? -No. 551 00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,023 Let's do a personality test. What's your name again? 552 00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:23,692 Woodrow L. Steenbeck. 553 00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:25,235 -Hmm. -What's the "L" for? 554 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:27,612 Lindbergh. -Everybody look at Woodrow. 555 00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:34,828 I agree. Shy but not intimidated. 556 00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,705 Move over here, Woodrow. 557 00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,136 -Brainiac, huh? -Yeah, brainiac. 558 00:32:51,136 --> 00:32:52,929 It sort of goes without saying, doesn't it? 559 00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:55,390 Everybody already knows we're abnormally intelligent. 560 00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:57,726 That's true. My mother made it for me. 561 00:32:57,726 --> 00:33:00,228 It's supposed to be funny, according to her sense of humor, 562 00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,522 but it's not as hilarious as it was originally. 563 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,024 Oh, really? How come? 564 00:33:04,024 --> 00:33:07,485 Because she was alive then. Now she's dead. 565 00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:09,654 -Oh. -Ha-ha. 566 00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,242 What was she like? 567 00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:16,494 My... Oh, my mother? 568 00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,955 She was, um... 569 00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:25,378 ...like this. 570 00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:35,722 When did you lose her? 571 00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:41,102 Officially, this morning, but I think I already knew. 572 00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:43,021 Howdy. 573 00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:44,564 What are you doing up there? 574 00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:46,900 Just enjoying the desert air. 575 00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,860 -You dare me? Dare you what? 576 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,946 To jump off this bungalow. 577 00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:53,907 -It's an experiment. -No. 578 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,790 I love gravity. 579 00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:04,876 It might be my favorite law of physics at the moment. 580 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,964 Players of the stage, 581 00:34:08,964 --> 00:34:11,633 a tribe of troubadours and nonconformists. 582 00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,970 They lead unconventional, sometimes dangerous lives 583 00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:18,223 which nourish and elevate their artistic aspirations 584 00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:20,517 and illuminate the human condition. 585 00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:22,477 ten weeks later, 586 00:34:22,477 --> 00:34:25,438 the eve of Asteroid City's first public preview. 587 00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:28,108 A drawing room on board the Apache Plainsliner 588 00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:30,151 bound for the California coast. 589 00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:32,529 -It's open. 590 00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,866 Schubert says you got to come back. 591 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,619 If I'm so important, why isn't he here himself? 592 00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,705 Probably too busy. Too busy to go chasing after you. 593 00:34:41,705 --> 00:34:43,331 They sent me. You know who I am? 594 00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:44,916 I think so. Understudy. 595 00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:48,044 The understudy. That's right. Let me just, uh... 596 00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:51,589 He said, if you're crying, I read you this one. 597 00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:52,966 No, that's not it. Here it is. 598 00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:54,926 If you're hopping mad, I read you this one. 599 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:56,011 Give me both. 600 00:34:56,011 --> 00:34:57,595 Not what he said. He said, if... 601 00:34:57,595 --> 00:34:59,180 Give me both. 602 00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:06,938 "Tell her she's a stuck-up, low-class snob 603 00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:08,606 "but she's got no good reason to be. 604 00:35:08,606 --> 00:35:10,400 "If she sasses you, sass her back. 605 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,818 "Tell her she's a borderline neurotic 606 00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:12,902 with an Achilles heel complex." 607 00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:14,946 That's the second one. 608 00:35:17,282 --> 00:35:19,534 "Tell her she relies on her beauty like a wobbly crutch. 609 00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:20,827 "It's her deepest weakness. 610 00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,120 "Tell her she's got the potential 611 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,705 "for genuine greatness, but I say 612 00:35:23,705 --> 00:35:26,708 with absolute certainty she will never achieve it." 613 00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:28,376 Anything else? 614 00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,714 Uh-huh. He said, if you're cool and collected, 615 00:35:32,714 --> 00:35:34,424 which I think is what I think you seem to be, 616 00:35:34,424 --> 00:35:36,593 then that means you probably really don't want to come back 617 00:35:36,593 --> 00:35:37,886 and I got to give you this. 618 00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,679 -Read it. -Not what he said. 619 00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:41,890 He said this one's private. Just the two of you. 620 00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:44,559 He said that... He-he said... 621 00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,067 "Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted 622 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,152 "and called you a spoiled bitch and a minor talent 623 00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:56,321 "and broke your glasses and threw them out the window. 624 00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:57,906 "Given that I have always considered you 625 00:35:57,906 --> 00:35:59,574 "to be the most consummately gifted living actress 626 00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,576 "and a person of great intelligence and character, 627 00:36:01,576 --> 00:36:03,161 "these statements and actions 628 00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:05,330 "do not accurately reflect my true feelings. 629 00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:06,956 "Yes, I may be a manipulative snake, 630 00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:08,750 "as you once characterized me behind my back-- 631 00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:11,628 "you see, I do have my sources-- but I love you like a sister, 632 00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:13,922 "other than that one time in the bathroom the day we met, 633 00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:16,674 "which has never been repeated, as we both know. 634 00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:23,264 "I never meant to hurt you 635 00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,517 "or insult you or offend you in any way, 636 00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:28,269 "only to try with the few tools I have at my disposal 637 00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:31,064 "to do my job, which is to make it work. 638 00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:32,399 "Forgive me. 639 00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:34,275 "We open tomorrow night, with or without you. 640 00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:36,694 "Without, our entire devoted company 641 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,239 "will suffer complete disaster and tragic calamity, 642 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,409 "as will a brilliant, fragile genius named Conrad Earp. 643 00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:45,537 "With, you will enjoy the triumph of your career, 644 00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:47,914 "which does not matter in the least. 645 00:36:47,914 --> 00:36:51,626 "All that matters is every second of life onstage 646 00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:53,211 "and our friendship. 647 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,629 "Your servant, your director 648 00:36:54,629 --> 00:36:57,382 "and, if I may, your devoted mentor, 649 00:36:57,382 --> 00:36:59,134 Schubert Green." 650 00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:07,934 What's your name, understudy? 651 00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,105 They continued through the night as far as Ohio, 652 00:37:12,105 --> 00:37:14,649 then disembarked and caught the return flight 653 00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:17,652 arriving two hours prior to curtain. 654 00:37:17,652 --> 00:37:20,780 The talented understudy immediately replaced 655 00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:23,158 the original Woodrow. 656 00:37:24,033 --> 00:37:25,410 I strongly question 657 00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:26,911 whether your daughter's Silly Putty 658 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,538 resembles anything from outer space. 659 00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,582 -It's not Silly Putty. -I'm sorry, but I doubt it. 660 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:31,916 It's called S'morestozium. 661 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,376 -This is excellent. -Thank you. 662 00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:35,003 It's really all the machine's doing. 663 00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:37,130 What the devil do you know about astrogeology anyway, 664 00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:38,756 J.J., whatever that stands for? 665 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:40,008 I just maintain the workings. 666 00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,676 Shelly's thesis is supported by... 667 00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,052 Flimsy, outdated evidence. 668 00:37:43,052 --> 00:37:44,679 -I beg your pardon? -Not in my opinion. 669 00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:46,431 I liked the Silly Putty or S'morestozium, in fact. 670 00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,724 I'm just quoting what he said. 671 00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:49,017 Your son's project might very well 672 00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,518 have killed us all today, by the way. 673 00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:52,145 Coming from the family that brought us 674 00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:53,605 -the electromagnetic death ray. -It's a weapon. 675 00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,732 -Of course it's lethal. -So you admit it. 676 00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,525 Not to mention Brainiac's flag. 677 00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:59,444 I mean, is he trying to provoke World War Three or something? 678 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:01,112 The jet propulsion belt is eminently safe. 679 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:02,906 I'd allow an eight-year-old boy to operate it. 680 00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:04,824 In fact, I did-- Ricky's cousin Chip-- 681 00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:08,036 and he broke the solo flight altitude record. 682 00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:09,787 They're strange, aren't they? 683 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,664 Your children, compared to normal people. 684 00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,124 -Yes. -That's correct. 685 00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,084 -It's true. -Hmm. 686 00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:16,794 After that, the second person 687 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:18,796 says the name the first one said, then adds another. 688 00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:20,548 Then the third person says both plus a new name. 689 00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:22,967 And then the next person keeps going, and so on in a circle. 690 00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:24,177 It's a memory game. Get it? 691 00:38:24,177 --> 00:38:25,470 I'll start. Cleopatra. 692 00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:27,263 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose. 693 00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:28,431 -Like that? -Exactly. 694 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:29,933 -Of course. Yes. Got it. 695 00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:32,310 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 696 00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:34,604 -Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. 697 00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,356 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 698 00:38:36,356 --> 00:38:39,609 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus. 699 00:38:39,609 --> 00:38:41,236 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 700 00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:44,864 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, uh, Kurt Gödel. 701 00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,032 Oh, the Vienna Circle. 702 00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:48,284 -The Austrian logician. -Correct. 703 00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,870 Cleopatra, 704 00:38:50,870 --> 00:38:52,872 Jagadish Chandra Bose, 705 00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:54,874 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 706 00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:56,876 Paracelsus, 707 00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:58,545 Kurt Gödel, 708 00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:00,255 -William Bragg. Which one? 709 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,006 There's two. -William Henry Bragg. 710 00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,050 I prefer the son. The father's better. 711 00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:06,553 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 712 00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:08,429 -Antonie van... Leeuwenhoek. 713 00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:11,099 Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, 714 00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:12,433 William Henry Bragg. 715 00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,519 -And the new one. -Lord Kelvin. 716 00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:16,563 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 717 00:39:16,563 --> 00:39:18,856 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, 718 00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,776 William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin... 719 00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:23,653 Midge Campbell. Can I say her? 720 00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,863 As long as she's a real person, you can say anybody you like. 721 00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:27,448 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose... 722 00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:29,117 -Including my mother. She's my idol. 723 00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:31,369 My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 724 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:33,871 Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, William Bragg, the father, 725 00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:35,540 Lord Kelvin, the mathematical physicist, 726 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,625 Midge Campbell, your mother, 727 00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:40,044 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, the rocket scientist. 728 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,921 I don't know if this game works with us. 729 00:39:41,921 --> 00:39:43,381 Uh, brainiacs, I mean. 730 00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,591 I-I think it might go on forever. 731 00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:45,800 I don't mind. 732 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,176 In my school, nobody'd play 733 00:39:47,176 --> 00:39:48,970 this game with me in a million years. 734 00:39:48,970 --> 00:39:50,513 Plus, the names would be too obvious. 735 00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:51,973 I know my next one: Diophantus. 736 00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:53,474 Wait until it's time to say it. 737 00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:55,560 Try it backwards, Brainiac. 738 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,395 Say the new one first. 739 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,733 Hojo Tokiyuki, 740 00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,818 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, 741 00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:05,987 Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin, 742 00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:08,531 William Henry Bragg, Kurt Gödel, 743 00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,908 Paracelsus, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 744 00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:13,202 Jagadish Chandra Bose... 745 00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,748 Cleopatra. 746 00:40:30,178 --> 00:40:33,181 Put out that cigarette, Dwight. 747 00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,641 Oh, hold on. Hold on. 748 00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:36,768 You men should be ashamed of yourselves. Are you? 749 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,478 Yes, ma'am, but we didn't give him that. 750 00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:39,729 -Didn't you? -That cigarette. 751 00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,230 He just must have got it his own self 752 00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:43,024 -from the cigarette machine. -Dwight! 753 00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:48,613 I almost believe you. 754 00:40:48,613 --> 00:40:50,406 Let's go. 755 00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:54,452 -So long, Dwight. 756 00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,931 Was I ever there? 757 00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,600 Was I ever there? 758 00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:21,437 Was I... ever there? 759 00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,610 Memorizing my lines. 760 00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,487 Uh-huh. 761 00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:34,992 Approved. 762 00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:48,297 ♪ As I walked out in the streets of Laredo ♪ 763 00:41:48,297 --> 00:41:52,760 ♪ As I walked out in Laredo one day ♪ 764 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,929 ♪ I spied a young cowboy... ♪ 765 00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:57,682 I do a nude scene. You want to see it? 766 00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,853 -Huh? Did I say yes? -You didn't say anything. 767 00:42:01,853 --> 00:42:03,980 Uh, I meant yes. My mouth... my mouth didn't speak. 768 00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:05,356 It's a monologue. 769 00:42:05,356 --> 00:42:07,442 Pretend it starts when I step out of the shower. 770 00:42:07,442 --> 00:42:09,652 ♪ That you are a cowboy ♪ 771 00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:11,487 ♪ These words he did say ♪ 772 00:42:11,487 --> 00:42:14,574 -♪ As I boldly walked by ♪ 773 00:42:14,574 --> 00:42:19,245 ♪ Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story ♪ 774 00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:24,125 ♪ I'm shot in the breast and I know I must die... ♪ 775 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:28,463 When you first picked me out of the secretarial pool, 776 00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:30,798 I had $111 in my bank account. 777 00:42:30,798 --> 00:42:32,633 I lived alone with a cat and a parakeet 778 00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,177 in a one-room dishwater flat. 779 00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,387 I sold the DeSoto to lend you the down payment 780 00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,889 for my engagement ring. 781 00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,223 It was spring. 782 00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:40,850 I'm not sore. 783 00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:42,977 I know you're a good man. 784 00:42:42,977 --> 00:42:44,437 I'm not sorry. 785 00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:46,481 I never deceived you. 786 00:42:46,481 --> 00:42:48,983 Remember me as a blur in the rearview mirror. 787 00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,818 Was I ever there? 788 00:42:50,818 --> 00:42:52,904 Did you actually see me? 789 00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,866 I can't even see myself anymore. 790 00:42:59,118 --> 00:43:01,537 But here I am. 791 00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:07,293 Let's get divorced. 792 00:43:10,004 --> 00:43:11,714 It'll be done tastefully, of course. 793 00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,383 We cut to the back of my legs when the towel falls down. 794 00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:18,763 Sometimes they sometimes do a stunt double. 795 00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,640 Sometimes. 796 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,850 I don't know if I like beards, by the way. 797 00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:24,185 Oh. 798 00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:25,895 Can I take another picture? 799 00:43:25,895 --> 00:43:27,647 Not for publication. 800 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,274 I thought you never ask permission. 801 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,280 Don't move. 802 00:43:44,497 --> 00:43:46,457 I prefer to play abused, tragic alcoholics, 803 00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:48,584 and one day, I'll probably be discovered lifeless 804 00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:50,461 in an overflowing bathtub with an empty bottle 805 00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:53,256 of sleeping pills spilled all over the floor, but... 806 00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:57,468 the sad thing is I'm actually a very gifted comedienne. 807 00:43:57,468 --> 00:43:59,595 -That's true. -Are you married? 808 00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:02,390 I'm a widower, but don't tell my kids. 809 00:44:02,390 --> 00:44:04,016 -Why not? -I-I... 810 00:44:04,016 --> 00:44:05,977 -I mean, I wasn't going to. -All right. Okay. 811 00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,728 -Yeah. -Oh. I'm sorry. 812 00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:11,941 Thank you. They do know, by the way, but just barely. 813 00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,659 What do you swap for 814 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,703 out of this particular jukebox, mister? 815 00:44:23,703 --> 00:44:25,371 Of course. I understand. 816 00:44:25,371 --> 00:44:27,039 This machine sells land. 817 00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:28,666 -Land, you say? -Yes, indeed. 818 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,501 The properties just beyond these cottages, in fact. 819 00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,044 Out of this here soda pop machine? 820 00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:33,504 Yes, indeed. 821 00:44:35,172 --> 00:44:37,258 Well, now, I ain't calling you a liar to your face, 822 00:44:37,258 --> 00:44:39,343 but that sounds to me like some kind of toadswindle. 823 00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,304 Of course. I understand. It's not a toadswindle. 824 00:44:41,304 --> 00:44:42,889 You put in the money, you receive 825 00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:44,599 a notarized deed to the land. 826 00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,183 How big a spread? 827 00:44:46,183 --> 00:44:47,602 For ten dollars in quarters, 828 00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:50,229 approximately half a tennis court. 829 00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,697 Put the potion in it. 830 00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,241 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo. 831 00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:05,244 Knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 832 00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:11,584 And with this spell, Mama comes back alive! 833 00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:14,295 God save these bones. 834 00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,929 What's in the Tupperware? 835 00:45:22,929 --> 00:45:24,639 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 836 00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:27,600 ♪ Going so fast... ♪ 837 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,019 He finally told you. 838 00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:33,648 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 839 00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:37,944 ♪ Won't you tell me where's he gone... ♪ 840 00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:43,240 Who's this old man? 841 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:44,951 Poppy, I think. 842 00:45:44,951 --> 00:45:46,577 You don't remember me. 843 00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:48,746 I remember his smell. 844 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,964 We're not going to abandon my daughter 845 00:45:57,964 --> 00:45:59,840 at a motel in the middle of the desert 846 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,969 buried next to the communal showers. 847 00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,347 -You're ruining the funeral! -He's making her go to hell! 848 00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:09,934 If you torture us, we'll sacrifice you. 849 00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:11,519 I understand. 850 00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:14,981 Thank you for your clarity. 851 00:46:14,981 --> 00:46:17,233 I'll tell you what-- let's leave her 852 00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:19,193 alone in the ground until tomorrow morning. 853 00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:20,820 Then we'll exhume the Tupperware, 854 00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:22,738 bring her with us in the Cadillac 855 00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:25,032 and bury her again this weekend in the backyard 856 00:46:25,032 --> 00:46:26,742 next to the seventh hole at Rancho Palms, 857 00:46:26,742 --> 00:46:28,995 where I live in a beautiful house with a swimming pool. 858 00:46:28,995 --> 00:46:30,287 Agreed? 859 00:46:30,287 --> 00:46:32,248 -Mm-hmm. -Okay. 860 00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,543 Let's hope a coyote doesn't dig her up in the meantime. 861 00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,420 Nothing we can do about it anyway. 862 00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:41,215 Ooh. Look at that. 863 00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:58,274 Tonight, you're in for a real treat. 864 00:46:58,274 --> 00:47:00,234 I don't know how many of you ever observed 865 00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:02,028 an astronomical ellipses before. 866 00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:04,864 In fact, can we get a show of hands? 867 00:47:05,865 --> 00:47:07,283 Nobody? 868 00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:09,160 Wow. Okay. 869 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,997 Well, what you're gonna see is a very simple dot-dot-dot: 870 00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,666 three pinpoints of light inside your refracting box, 871 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,002 which may not sound very exciting at first, 872 00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:19,503 until you consider how those dots 873 00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:20,880 managed to transmit themselves 874 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,798 across a thousand billion miles of space 875 00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:25,885 onto that little scrap of black cardboard. 876 00:47:25,885 --> 00:47:27,595 Twice every 57 years, 877 00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:29,430 when the Earth, the sun, the moon 878 00:47:29,430 --> 00:47:31,098 and the galactic plane of the Milky Way 879 00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:34,018 all combobulate along the same angle of orbital interest, 880 00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:37,563 the radiant energy of three neighboring stellar systems 881 00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:39,356 induces a parallel ecliptic transit, 882 00:47:39,356 --> 00:47:41,192 thus all but proving 883 00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:43,569 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation. 884 00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:46,530 The hitch, of course, is that the math doesn't work. 885 00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:48,240 But maybe one of you one day 886 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:50,493 will be the genius who solves that problem. 887 00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:53,537 The event will begin in 30 seconds. 888 00:47:53,537 --> 00:47:55,706 Remember, if you look directly at the ellipses 889 00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:57,333 rather than through your refracting box, 890 00:47:57,333 --> 00:47:59,210 not only will you not actually see the effect 891 00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:00,711 but you will burn the dots 892 00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,588 straight into your retina, probably permanently. 893 00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:04,965 I know that for a fact, because they're still burned into mine 894 00:48:04,965 --> 00:48:06,926 from when I was 11 going on 12. 895 00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:09,553 That's when I realized I wanted to be an astronomer, 896 00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:10,846 which is another story. 897 00:48:10,846 --> 00:48:12,014 Here we go. 898 00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:39,959 There it is. 899 00:48:41,585 --> 00:48:43,254 Uh, these are just such 900 00:48:43,254 --> 00:48:45,214 marvelously luminous colors, aren't they? 901 00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:47,424 Very exciting. Does everybody see it? 902 00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:49,885 I don't. I just see a staple. 903 00:48:53,889 --> 00:48:55,850 Yipe! It works. 904 00:48:56,684 --> 00:48:58,310 Are you Shelly? 905 00:48:58,310 --> 00:48:59,520 Yeah. 906 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,981 I'm your idol. What's your rank? 907 00:49:01,981 --> 00:49:04,024 Commanding secretary. 908 00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:05,734 I was a Cookie Trooper myself. 909 00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,194 Really? Wow. 910 00:49:07,194 --> 00:49:09,822 What'll they say in Squad 75? 911 00:49:13,367 --> 00:49:14,994 Hmm? 912 00:51:56,655 --> 00:52:00,701 The, uh, alien stole the asteroid. 913 00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:18,510 Schubert Green, born Shylock Grzworvszowski. 914 00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:20,220 Director, immigrant. 915 00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:24,350 Known for his limitless energy, his voracious enthusiasms-- 916 00:52:24,350 --> 00:52:26,769 a well-known actress described him sexually 917 00:52:26,769 --> 00:52:29,563 as an animal, specifically a rabbit-- 918 00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:33,233 and his long, deep and intimate relationship 919 00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:35,486 with success. 920 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,488 What do you think, Lunky? 921 00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:39,656 Good. 922 00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,538 I'm not going to ask what the hell's going on here. 923 00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:49,917 His wife Polly left him for an all-star second baseman 924 00:52:49,917 --> 00:52:52,586 during the first week of rehearsals. 925 00:52:52,586 --> 00:52:54,546 My living quarters. 926 00:52:54,546 --> 00:52:56,423 ♪ Oh, Rose ♪ 927 00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:58,759 ♪ My Rose Marie... ♪ 928 00:52:58,759 --> 00:53:00,260 Sign this. 929 00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:02,096 Oh, no. 930 00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:06,266 It's Clark's report card. 931 00:53:06,266 --> 00:53:08,435 Uh-huh. What'd you think it was? 932 00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,854 I thought maybe we were already divorced. 933 00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:12,106 Oh. 934 00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:14,400 Not yet, but eventually. 935 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,111 He made the honor roll again. 936 00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:21,448 ♪ Oh, Rose Marie ♪ 937 00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:24,827 ♪ I love you ♪ 938 00:53:24,827 --> 00:53:28,038 ♪ I'm always dreaming... ♪ 939 00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:32,501 I'm staying at Diego's penthouse. 940 00:53:32,501 --> 00:53:35,212 Clark's at my mother's. The apartment's empty. 941 00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:36,880 Why don't you just go home? 942 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,675 I don't think I should be alone in a building with real windows. 943 00:53:43,095 --> 00:53:45,139 Makeup cuts my hair and shaves me. 944 00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:47,474 Costumes washes my dungarees. 945 00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,853 This is where I belong, for now. 946 00:53:50,853 --> 00:53:52,438 Much better. 947 00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:54,606 -Did you do the green? -Hmm. 948 00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,320 It's been a great ten years, Schubert. 949 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,573 I don't regret a second of it. 950 00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,992 Clark still loves you. 951 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,077 I still love you. 952 00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,912 But not like before? 953 00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:12,040 But not like before. 954 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,092 Schubert Green lived in the scenic bay 955 00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:23,510 of the Tarkington Theater 956 00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:27,473 for all 785 performances of Asteroid City. 957 00:54:27,473 --> 00:54:29,016 Dark nights, he stayed 958 00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:31,643 in the Governor's Suite of the Nebraska Hotel. 959 00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,562 One last note. 960 00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:36,857 When Midge makes her exit in Act Three, Scene Five, 961 00:54:36,857 --> 00:54:40,194 try having her say the line after she closes the door. 962 00:54:40,194 --> 00:54:43,780 Hmm. Maybe we are doomed. 963 00:54:43,780 --> 00:54:45,324 I will. 964 00:54:45,324 --> 00:54:50,704 ♪ My Rose Marie. ♪ 965 00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:52,289 Goodbye. 966 00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,420 Here he comes. 967 00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,382 I've just informed the president. 968 00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,551 He authorized me to read and implement the provisions 969 00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:47,761 of National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X. 970 00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:49,471 Here I go. 971 00:55:49,471 --> 00:55:51,098 "The following top secret directive 972 00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:54,393 was mandated into law on July 1, 1950." 973 00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:56,103 "In the event of unforeseen engagement 974 00:55:56,103 --> 00:55:58,397 "with intelligent life-form or forms from any planet 975 00:55:58,397 --> 00:56:00,274 "not specifically defined as our Earth, 976 00:56:00,274 --> 00:56:02,609 "be advised to initiate the following protocols: 977 00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:04,611 "One, confirm said life-form 978 00:56:04,611 --> 00:56:06,280 "is not operating under the guidance 979 00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:07,948 of any hostile foreign terrestrial government." 980 00:56:07,948 --> 00:56:09,616 No, I don't think he's working for the Russians 981 00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:11,201 or the Red Chinese, but you never know. 982 00:56:11,201 --> 00:56:12,911 He certainly didn't give me that impression. 983 00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:15,497 "Two, confirm the life-form does not intend to annex, 984 00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:17,874 "colonize, vaporize or expropriate the resources 985 00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:20,502 of the sovereign territories of the United States of America." 986 00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:22,713 I doubt it. He took the asteroid and went. 987 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,923 "Three, identify and detain all possible witnesses 988 00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:26,341 "and place them under group arrest 989 00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:28,010 "for a period of no less than one week-- 990 00:56:28,010 --> 00:56:29,428 "defined as seven calendar days-- 991 00:56:29,428 --> 00:56:30,971 "during which time they be subjected 992 00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,931 "to a prescribed battery of medical and psychological 993 00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:34,725 examinations and cross-examinations." 994 00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:36,810 Standard procedure. Already in the works. 995 00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:38,270 "Four, secure the site, 996 00:56:38,270 --> 00:56:39,813 "cease the dissemination of information, 997 00:56:39,813 --> 00:56:41,648 "collect and transport the totality of evidence 998 00:56:41,648 --> 00:56:42,983 "to a hermetically enclosed, 999 00:56:42,983 --> 00:56:44,401 "deep-underground secret storage facility 1000 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,403 "and publicly deny all aspects of the event, 1001 00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,488 "including its existence, for a period of no less than 1002 00:56:48,488 --> 00:56:51,366 100 years-- defined as 36,500 days." 1003 00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:53,035 End of directive. 1004 00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,453 -That's pretty clear. -Huh. 1005 00:56:54,453 --> 00:56:55,871 -What do we tell them? -Who? 1006 00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:57,080 The Junior Stargazers, 1007 00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,457 the Space Cadets, the moms and dads. 1008 00:56:58,457 --> 00:57:00,834 -Midge Campbell. Midge Campbell. 1009 00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,586 Tell them it didn't happen? 1010 00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:06,381 No, obviously, we'll have to formulate 1011 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,009 a suitable cover story. 1012 00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:13,180 You dare me? 1013 00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,434 -Dare you what? -To press that button. 1014 00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,854 I will break your neck. 1015 00:57:20,854 --> 00:57:22,439 That's an alien eating an apple. 1016 00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,774 That's an alien doing jumping jacks. 1017 00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,067 That's an alien in a top hat. 1018 00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:26,693 That's an alien climbing a ladder. 1019 00:57:26,693 --> 00:57:28,236 That's an alien on a racehorse. That's an alien... 1020 00:57:28,236 --> 00:57:29,863 Let's take it from the top. 1021 00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:32,616 I told you 50 times, the alien picked up the asteroid... 1022 00:57:32,616 --> 00:57:34,326 -Alleged alien. -I know what I saw! 1023 00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:35,911 -It's called a meteorite. -An extraterrestrial being. 1024 00:57:35,911 --> 00:57:37,579 This is a microfiche of your school newspaper. 1025 00:57:37,579 --> 00:57:39,331 Your byline accompanies an article criticizing 1026 00:57:39,331 --> 00:57:41,333 the principal's disciplinary methods. 1027 00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:43,669 -Who were your sources? -I was in the sixth grade. 1028 00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:45,879 -Just answer the question. -And I will not name names! 1029 00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:51,718 -You dared me! -What did I say? 1030 00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:53,595 -What did I say? -You dared me! 1031 00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,856 All right. Um... 1032 00:58:04,856 --> 00:58:08,193 ♪ When I'm calling you... ♪ 1033 00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:09,820 I'm going to attempt to proceed 1034 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,988 with the lesson plan I originally prepared. 1035 00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:14,074 Just to keep orderliness under the circumstances. 1036 00:58:14,074 --> 00:58:15,492 I expect that some... 1037 00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:17,160 some of our information about outer space 1038 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:18,787 may no longer be completely accurate, 1039 00:58:18,787 --> 00:58:21,415 but, anyway, there are still only nine planets 1040 00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,542 in the solar system, as far as we know. Billy? 1041 00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:25,544 Except now there's a alien. 1042 00:58:26,378 --> 00:58:28,547 True, by all appearances. 1043 00:58:28,547 --> 00:58:30,006 Nevertheless, Neptune: 1044 00:58:30,006 --> 00:58:31,591 Fourth largest planet by diameter, 1045 00:58:31,591 --> 00:58:34,511 Neptune orbits the sun only once every 165 years. 1046 00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:35,595 Bernice? 1047 00:58:35,595 --> 00:58:38,265 Maybe the alien went there. 1048 00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,267 Well, maybe. 1049 00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:42,018 I don't think anybody knows 1050 00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:44,229 where the alien went or came from. 1051 00:58:44,229 --> 00:58:45,689 Yes, Dwight? 1052 00:58:45,689 --> 00:58:47,441 At first, I thought the alien was kind of sneaky, 1053 00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:49,943 but now I think he was probably nervous to go to Earth. 1054 00:58:49,943 --> 00:58:51,945 He's never been here before, I bet you. 1055 00:58:51,945 --> 00:58:53,447 Then why'd he steal our asteroid, then, 1056 00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:54,781 if he's such a gentleman? 1057 00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:56,700 These are all reasonable questions, 1058 00:58:56,700 --> 00:58:58,785 but at this time, let's stick to Neptune 1059 00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,996 because I haven't had time to prepare any lesson plan 1060 00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:02,539 on this subject we're talking about. 1061 00:59:02,539 --> 00:59:03,874 The alien. 1062 00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:05,625 The alien, yes. 1063 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:09,379 And, by the way, I don't mean to evade your questions. 1064 00:59:09,379 --> 00:59:11,256 I want to emphasize that you're safe. 1065 00:59:11,256 --> 00:59:12,883 We all are, here on Earth. 1066 00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,510 Your parents have been notified of at least something. 1067 00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:18,388 -America remains at peace. 1068 00:59:18,388 --> 00:59:20,432 Yes, Montana? 1069 00:59:20,432 --> 00:59:23,643 I'd like to parley a notion myself, if I could, June. 1070 00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:25,771 Um... 1071 00:59:25,771 --> 00:59:27,481 Okay. 1072 00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:34,571 I figure this here alien come from a tribe 1073 00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,490 we don't know nothing 'bout, do we? 1074 00:59:36,490 --> 00:59:39,242 Anything we say'd just be pure speculation. 1075 00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:41,328 But I tell you what I reckon. 1076 00:59:41,328 --> 00:59:44,748 I reckon that alien don't mean no harm at all. 1077 00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:46,541 I reckon he just took hisself down here 1078 00:59:46,541 --> 00:59:49,503 to have a look-see at the land and the peoples on it. 1079 00:59:49,503 --> 00:59:51,838 In the spirit of exploration. 1080 00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:55,217 See, I don't look on a feller alien all suspicious-like. 1081 00:59:55,217 --> 00:59:57,135 No, he ain't American. 1082 00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:59,513 No, he ain't a creature of God's green Earth. 1083 00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:03,642 But he's a creature of somewheres, and so are we. 1084 01:00:03,642 --> 01:00:07,229 Now, let's show the old feller some hospitality, 1085 01:00:07,229 --> 01:00:09,523 and if he turns out to be a dirty dog-- 1086 01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,191 which I reckon he ain't-- 1087 01:00:11,191 --> 01:00:13,610 well, that'll be a job for the United States armed forces, 1088 01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:15,862 and they ain't never lost a war yet. 1089 01:00:18,114 --> 01:00:19,991 Thanky-do. 1090 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:23,703 I agree with Montana. 1091 01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:26,373 Now, Neptune. 1092 01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:32,921 ♪ Tell me, where do they go? ♪ 1093 01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:36,550 ♪ The smoke rings... ♪ 1094 01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:38,343 Which way did he go? 1095 01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:41,763 Hmm. Well, I think he went from here 1096 01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:45,225 to here to here to... 1097 01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,560 I don't know where. 1098 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,436 My mother couldn't remember which was which, 1099 01:00:48,436 --> 01:00:50,230 so she made up her own constellations. 1100 01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:53,066 That one's the Coat Hanger. That one's the Leaky Faucet. 1101 01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,026 Over there's Fried Egg with Spatula. 1102 01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,779 My mother is a constellation, or-or at least part of one. 1103 01:00:57,779 --> 01:01:00,156 A Swiss scientist named a hypothetical star after her. 1104 01:01:00,156 --> 01:01:01,408 Really? What's it called? 1105 01:01:01,408 --> 01:01:02,868 Midge Campbell X-9 Major. 1106 01:01:02,868 --> 01:01:04,619 Midge Campbell X-9... I'm gonna look it up. 1107 01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:06,872 Is she interested in astronomy-- your mother? 1108 01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:09,040 Not exactly. She's interested in stardom. 1109 01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:10,834 I don't mean that as a criticism, by the way. 1110 01:01:10,834 --> 01:01:12,419 It's her job to be famous. 1111 01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,088 Anyway, I'm sick of her face, but I love her voice. 1112 01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:16,882 She should do more radio. 1113 01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:19,050 I never had children. 1114 01:01:19,050 --> 01:01:22,012 Sometimes I wonder if I wish I should've. 1115 01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:24,598 I discovered a hypothetical star myself, by the way. 1116 01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:26,266 -Ooh. Where is it? -Which one? 1117 01:01:26,266 --> 01:01:29,352 Right there. Partly blocked by that burnt-out light bulb. 1118 01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:41,364 -Uh... 1119 01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:44,200 -What happened? -I don't know. 1120 01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,170 -Oh. -Uh... 1121 01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:58,048 After you. 1122 01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:07,849 Sometimes I think I'd feel more at home 1123 01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:10,268 outside the Earth's atmosphere. 1124 01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:15,273 Oh, wow. 1125 01:02:15,273 --> 01:02:17,025 Me, too. 1126 01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,574 Did it come out? 1127 01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:28,370 ♪ Some people say a man... ♪ 1128 01:02:28,370 --> 01:02:29,913 -I mean the other one. -Oh. 1129 01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:33,249 ♪ A poor man's made out of muscle and blood ♪ 1130 01:02:33,249 --> 01:02:36,086 ♪ Muscle and blood and skin and bones ♪ 1131 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:40,006 ♪ A mind that's weak and a back that's strong... ♪ 1132 01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:42,217 Okay. 1133 01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,512 ♪ Another day older and deeper in debt ♪ 1134 01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:48,848 ♪ Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go ♪ 1135 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,266 You feel different? 1136 01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:53,228 ♪ I owe my soul to the company store... ♪ 1137 01:02:53,228 --> 01:02:55,438 Hey. You feel different? 1138 01:02:56,481 --> 01:02:58,942 I don't feel anything at all. 1139 01:02:58,942 --> 01:03:01,194 -Me, neither. -Hmm. 1140 01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,156 I'm not a good mother. 1141 01:03:05,156 --> 01:03:06,491 Uh-huh. 1142 01:03:06,491 --> 01:03:08,284 I love my daughter, but I'm not a good mother 1143 01:03:08,284 --> 01:03:10,537 because, unfortunately for her, she's not my first priority. 1144 01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:11,997 On account of there's always already 1145 01:03:11,997 --> 01:03:13,331 the thing I plan to do next. 1146 01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,875 I love my daughter, by the way. I-I... 1147 01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,627 I love all my children. 1148 01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:20,255 We have a magical time when we're together. 1149 01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:22,007 I have another girl and a boy. 1150 01:03:22,007 --> 01:03:23,967 They live with my second ex-husband in Utah. 1151 01:03:23,967 --> 01:03:26,052 -Uh-huh. -He rarely sees them, either. 1152 01:03:26,052 --> 01:03:28,304 -Mm-hmm. -I wish I felt guilty at least, 1153 01:03:28,304 --> 01:03:30,056 but I don't experience that emotion, 1154 01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:31,599 if I understand it correctly. 1155 01:03:31,599 --> 01:03:33,226 -Yes. -I've played it, of course. 1156 01:03:33,226 --> 01:03:34,894 So you're saying you never feel guilty in real life? 1157 01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,354 Not to my knowledge. 1158 01:03:36,354 --> 01:03:38,565 I think because of my history with violent men. 1159 01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:43,153 Starting with my father, brother and uncles. 1160 01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:47,157 There's always already the thing I plan to do next, too. 1161 01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:48,700 Usually, it's a war. 1162 01:03:48,700 --> 01:03:50,910 Nobody can compete with that, can they? 1163 01:03:50,910 --> 01:03:52,662 Probably not. 1164 01:03:52,662 --> 01:03:54,330 I did a USO tour once. 1165 01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:56,041 It was thrilling. 1166 01:03:56,999 --> 01:04:00,295 ♪ I owe my soul to the company store... ♪ 1167 01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:04,424 -I think I see how I see us. -Hmm? 1168 01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:07,469 I mean, I think I know now what I realize we are. 1169 01:04:07,469 --> 01:04:08,678 Okay. 1170 01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,263 Two catastrophically wounded people 1171 01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,266 who don't express the depths of their pain because... 1172 01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:14,642 we don't want to. 1173 01:04:14,642 --> 01:04:16,102 That's our connection. 1174 01:04:16,102 --> 01:04:18,146 Do you agree? 1175 01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:22,150 Uh-huh. 1176 01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:24,694 Let's, um... 1177 01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:27,989 Let's change the subject, shall we? 1178 01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:30,492 It's open. 1179 01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,331 -Hello? In here. 1180 01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:41,127 Hello? Hello. 1181 01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:42,712 I'm just your neighbor, Stanley Zak. 1182 01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:44,547 I wanted to make sure you and your daughter 1183 01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,508 have everything you might need at the moment. 1184 01:04:46,508 --> 01:04:48,009 Thank you. I think so. 1185 01:04:48,009 --> 01:04:50,261 What a strange experience this is, isn't it? 1186 01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:52,806 I went to law school with your former agent, by the way. 1187 01:04:52,806 --> 01:04:54,641 -Mort? -Mort. Yes, Mort. 1188 01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:55,850 Oh. 1189 01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,895 That came out. 1190 01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:01,856 Yeah, it came out. All my pictures come out. 1191 01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:07,487 Anyway, as I say, we're just across the driveway, 1192 01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:10,240 as my son-in-law seems to have established. 1193 01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,617 Send my best wishes to Mort and his family. 1194 01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:14,035 I will, if and when we're permitted 1195 01:05:14,035 --> 01:05:15,578 contact with the outside world, 1196 01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:18,581 though I don't speak to him, to tell you the truth. 1197 01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,459 I love your hairdo like that. 1198 01:05:21,459 --> 01:05:23,294 Ugh, Christ. 1199 01:05:25,672 --> 01:05:27,549 You see that wonderful crackly-patch 1200 01:05:27,549 --> 01:05:29,175 right out there between the dead cactuses 1201 01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:30,510 and the dried-up riverbed? 1202 01:05:30,510 --> 01:05:32,053 -I think so. -That's your parcel. 1203 01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:33,680 How much of it do I own? 1204 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,223 Well, it's actually an interesting 1205 01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:36,683 financial mechanism. 1206 01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:39,018 You don't technically own anything outright. 1207 01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:41,813 You own stock in the town in the form of a loan 1208 01:05:41,813 --> 01:05:43,148 with a 50-year maturity rate. 1209 01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:44,357 Then, at the end, the loan is forgiven. 1210 01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,692 -You dare me? -How about water? 1211 01:05:45,692 --> 01:05:47,152 Of course. I understand. 1212 01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:49,112 There isn't any. This is a desert opportunity. 1213 01:05:49,112 --> 01:05:50,530 -You dare me? -I heard you. 1214 01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:52,157 -It's an experiment. -I don't care anymore. 1215 01:05:52,157 --> 01:05:54,367 I dare you or I don't dare you. It doesn't matter. 1216 01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:56,619 Do what you wish. I give up. 1217 01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,463 What's the cause? 1218 01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,965 What's the meaning? 1219 01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:11,634 Why do you always have to dare something? 1220 01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:17,307 I don't know. 1221 01:06:18,725 --> 01:06:22,395 Maybe it's because I'm afraid, 1222 01:06:22,395 --> 01:06:26,524 otherwise, nobody'll... 1223 01:06:26,524 --> 01:06:32,238 notice my existence 1224 01:06:32,238 --> 01:06:34,532 in the universe. 1225 01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,668 Dare you what? 1226 01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,713 Yes, dare you what? 1227 01:06:48,713 --> 01:06:50,423 To climb that cactus out there. 1228 01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:52,175 -Lord, no. No. -Please don't. 1229 01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:56,596 Hello. 1230 01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,306 Hello. Hello. 1231 01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:00,683 We met before. I'm the mother of that Cookie Trooper 1232 01:07:00,683 --> 01:07:02,435 -who idolizes you. -I know. 1233 01:07:02,435 --> 01:07:05,438 Thought you might not recognize me out of uniform. 1234 01:07:05,438 --> 01:07:07,065 You were very good in the one 1235 01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:08,858 about the tramp in the brothel who gets amnesia 1236 01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:10,526 -and becomes a pediatrician. -Thank you. Thank you. 1237 01:07:10,526 --> 01:07:12,153 -You were very authentic. -That's actually maybe 1238 01:07:12,153 --> 01:07:13,529 my favorite character I've ever played. 1239 01:07:13,529 --> 01:07:15,240 I don't know why nobody else liked it. 1240 01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:16,950 Oh. Yes. Me, neither. 1241 01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,701 Thank you. Some people liked it. 1242 01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:20,662 Oh, I'm sure. I did. 1243 01:07:20,662 --> 01:07:22,580 Who hit you? 1244 01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:29,087 Am I not in this? 1245 01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:33,258 Excuse me. I'm not in this. 1246 01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:34,801 Um, who hit you? 1247 01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:36,970 -It's on the other eye. -It's greasepaint. 1248 01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,638 Some people did-- do-- liked it. 1249 01:07:38,638 --> 01:07:40,306 Oh, I'm sure. 1250 01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:43,184 I thought it might have been your second ex-husband in Utah. 1251 01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:57,532 If I sleep on a cot instead of the sofa bed, 1252 01:07:57,532 --> 01:07:59,117 that might leave room for me to set up 1253 01:07:59,117 --> 01:08:00,785 -a darkroom in the pool house. 1254 01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:02,161 Is that possible as a compromise? 1255 01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:03,830 -It depends on the measurements. 1256 01:08:03,830 --> 01:08:05,415 -It's not that big. -I can actually carpool the girls 1257 01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:07,583 to school by golf cart, you know. 1258 01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:09,085 If I cut across the 14th tee. 1259 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,628 Oh, it's that close to the elementary? 1260 01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:12,547 How can you two even think about this? 1261 01:08:12,547 --> 01:08:14,841 The world will never be the same. 1262 01:08:14,841 --> 01:08:17,051 What happens next? Nobody knows. 1263 01:08:17,051 --> 01:08:18,970 Will he visit us again? Will he speak to us? 1264 01:08:18,970 --> 01:08:21,097 What will he say? Why did he steal our asteroid? 1265 01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:23,474 Was it ours in the first place? Does he like us? 1266 01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:25,184 -Nobody knows. -That's true. 1267 01:08:25,184 --> 01:08:27,687 What's out there? Something. 1268 01:08:27,687 --> 01:08:29,981 The meaning of life. Maybe there is one. 1269 01:08:29,981 --> 01:08:33,026 I hope you're still Episcopalian. 1270 01:08:33,026 --> 01:08:35,486 You took his picture, Dad. 1271 01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:41,326 I'm a photographer. 1272 01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,707 Episcopalian? 1273 01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,633 You really want us, Stanley? 1274 01:08:57,633 --> 01:09:00,553 No, but you need me. 1275 01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:02,221 She did love me, you know. 1276 01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:03,890 Who says she didn't? 1277 01:09:03,890 --> 01:09:05,975 I've been on my own for 12 years, after all. 1278 01:09:05,975 --> 01:09:08,519 And remember, my wife drank herself to death. 1279 01:09:08,519 --> 01:09:12,065 "Drank herself to..." I don't know what that means. 1280 01:09:12,065 --> 01:09:15,568 In my loneliness-- or perhaps because of it-- 1281 01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:17,820 I've learned not to judge people, 1282 01:09:17,820 --> 01:09:21,366 to take people as I find them, not as others find them, 1283 01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:23,326 and most of all, to give complete 1284 01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:26,496 and unquestioning faith to the people I love. 1285 01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,915 I don't know if that includes you, 1286 01:09:28,915 --> 01:09:32,543 but it included my daughter and your four children, 1287 01:09:32,543 --> 01:09:34,128 so you're welcome to stay with me 1288 01:09:34,128 --> 01:09:36,672 for as long as you wish, whether I like it or not. 1289 01:09:36,672 --> 01:09:38,800 Which I don't, by the way. 1290 01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:44,055 Stop helping us. 1291 01:09:44,055 --> 01:09:45,640 We're in grief. 1292 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:49,435 ♪ He rides in the sun till his day's work is done ♪ 1293 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,895 Me, too. 1294 01:09:50,895 --> 01:09:54,899 ♪ And he rounds up the cattle each fall ♪ 1295 01:10:00,154 --> 01:10:03,991 ♪ Singing his cattle call... ♪ 1296 01:10:03,991 --> 01:10:06,244 Are you planning to abandon us? 1297 01:10:07,161 --> 01:10:10,540 Uh... 1298 01:10:10,540 --> 01:10:13,042 I was, as a temporary measure. 1299 01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:14,627 -What? -But I decided against it. 1300 01:10:14,627 --> 01:10:16,295 -I knew it. I sensed it. -I didn't. 1301 01:10:16,295 --> 01:10:18,131 I'm not the wet nurse. I'm their grandfather. 1302 01:10:18,131 --> 01:10:20,174 I would've hired a babysitter in addition to you. 1303 01:10:20,174 --> 01:10:22,176 I'm not planning to abandon you anymore, 1304 01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:23,553 even as a temporary measure, 1305 01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,847 which is all it ever would've been. 1306 01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:30,309 I forgive you for considering it. 1307 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:58,421 Evening, soldier. 1308 01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:01,674 Can I ask you to stick this dime in the pay phone for me, please? 1309 01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:03,134 All public telephone service 1310 01:11:03,134 --> 01:11:04,886 has been suspended until further notice. 1311 01:11:04,886 --> 01:11:06,262 I know it. The thing is, 1312 01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:07,889 right before the hubbub yesterday, 1313 01:11:07,889 --> 01:11:09,932 I made a trunk call to my cousin long-distance, 1314 01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:11,684 and the operator let me owe the surcharge 1315 01:11:11,684 --> 01:11:13,478 because all I had was three pennies. 1316 01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:16,564 I don't feel right stealing from the telephone company. 1317 01:11:48,221 --> 01:11:49,764 Although it might convey a different meaning 1318 01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:51,182 -on his planet. -It's true. 1319 01:11:51,182 --> 01:11:53,017 If he even has a planet, by the way. 1320 01:11:53,017 --> 01:11:54,310 -He might be nomadic. -Hmm. 1321 01:11:54,310 --> 01:11:56,229 Operator? Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh. 1322 01:11:56,229 --> 01:11:58,022 -Station to station. Stay on the line. 1323 01:11:58,022 --> 01:11:59,398 -Thank you. 1324 01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:05,029 -Hello? Who's calling? 1325 01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:07,156 Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford. It's Ricky Cho. 1326 01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:09,242 -May I have a word with... -Ricky, it's after 9:00. 1327 01:12:09,242 --> 01:12:10,701 He's already drinking his Ovaltine. 1328 01:12:10,701 --> 01:12:12,078 Can't this wait until tomorrow? 1329 01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:13,663 I'm afraid not, Mrs. Weatherford. 1330 01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:15,289 I-I wouldn't disturb you if it weren't 1331 01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,500 of the utmost importance to the Weekly Bobcat. 1332 01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:19,919 I just need a minute of his time. 1333 01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,546 All right, Ricky. Hold the line. 1334 01:12:21,546 --> 01:12:23,464 Some kind of romance between the two of you? 1335 01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:24,924 -Skip, Ricky Cho! -What? Who? 1336 01:12:24,924 --> 01:12:26,300 -Who? You. -Who? 1337 01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:27,635 -You know who. -Us? 1338 01:12:27,635 --> 01:12:28,928 We only met yesterday. 1339 01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,429 I feel she doesn't like me in that way. 1340 01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:31,639 Uh-huh. Well, I think you're pretty smart, 1341 01:12:31,639 --> 01:12:33,057 but I think you're pretty dumb. 1342 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,308 -Hello? -Shh, shh. Hold it. 1343 01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:36,978 Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop. 1344 01:12:44,986 --> 01:12:48,614 The first hints of the future existence of Asteroid City 1345 01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:50,616 were revealed during a special seminar 1346 01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:52,994 scheduled at the playwright's request. 1347 01:12:52,994 --> 01:12:55,371 Conrad Earp, how can we help you? 1348 01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,540 Well, the thing is, Saltzie, I'd like to make a scene 1349 01:12:57,540 --> 01:13:00,793 where all my characters are each gently, privately seduced 1350 01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:03,337 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1351 01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:05,256 as a result of their shared experience 1352 01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:08,092 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery. 1353 01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:10,678 -A sleeping scene. -A scene of sleep. 1354 01:13:10,678 --> 01:13:12,263 But I don't know how to write it. 1355 01:13:12,263 --> 01:13:14,390 -Yet. 1356 01:13:14,390 --> 01:13:16,017 I thought, perhaps, if you 1357 01:13:16,017 --> 01:13:19,228 and your wonderfully talented pupils just improvise, 1358 01:13:19,228 --> 01:13:21,439 something might reveal itself. 1359 01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:23,482 Who wasn't going to be famous? 1360 01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:27,486 On any given day, roll call in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom 1361 01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:31,699 was a now dazzling list of undiscovered luminaries: 1362 01:13:31,699 --> 01:13:33,409 Linus Mao. 1363 01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,161 Lucretia Shaver. 1364 01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:36,996 Walter Geronimo. 1365 01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:38,497 Asquith Eden. 1366 01:13:38,497 --> 01:13:40,124 Mercedes Ford. 1367 01:13:40,124 --> 01:13:43,628 Even, unofficially, Jones Hall. 1368 01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:46,088 What's it about, the play? 1369 01:13:46,088 --> 01:13:49,967 Mm, infinity, and I don't know what else. 1370 01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:51,636 Is there a title? 1371 01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:52,678 I'm torn. 1372 01:13:52,678 --> 01:13:55,306 Maybe The Cosmic Wilderness. 1373 01:13:55,306 --> 01:13:56,599 Do you like that one? 1374 01:13:56,599 --> 01:13:58,184 -Mm, not really. Uh-uh. 1375 01:13:58,184 --> 01:13:59,769 What's the alternative? 1376 01:13:59,769 --> 01:14:01,020 Title, I mean. 1377 01:14:01,020 --> 01:14:02,480 Well, it's the name of the small town 1378 01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,065 on the California/Nevada/ Arizona desert 1379 01:14:04,065 --> 01:14:05,691 where the story takes place. 1380 01:14:05,691 --> 01:14:10,071 Okay. Who here has ever actually fallen asleep onstage 1381 01:14:10,071 --> 01:14:13,115 during a live performance in front of a paying audience? 1382 01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:14,784 Me. 1383 01:14:14,784 --> 01:14:17,286 I spent the first three-quarters of Act Two of The Welterweight 1384 01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:21,332 on a massage table with no lines till the last minute and a half. 1385 01:14:21,332 --> 01:14:23,709 One night, I nodded off. 1386 01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:26,045 -On purpose, you did this? - No. 1387 01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:28,756 -Did you miss your cue? -Almost. 1388 01:14:28,756 --> 01:14:31,217 I heard it, and I woke up very scared, 1389 01:14:31,217 --> 01:14:32,718 but I knew my lines. 1390 01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:34,470 -Good morning, Schubert. -Good morning, Saltzie. 1391 01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:35,971 What brings you here today? 1392 01:14:35,971 --> 01:14:37,515 We haven't seen you in six weeks. 1393 01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,558 Lavender and Lemons opened last night 1394 01:14:39,558 --> 01:14:42,561 to very good, uh... I might say raves, by the way. 1395 01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:44,271 I'm available. 1396 01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:48,025 What did he teach? Example. 1397 01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:49,985 Sleep-- it's not death. 1398 01:14:49,985 --> 01:14:52,196 The body keeps busy, breathing air, 1399 01:14:52,196 --> 01:14:53,739 pumping blood, thinking. 1400 01:14:53,739 --> 01:14:56,033 Maybe you pay a visit to your dead mother. 1401 01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:59,036 Maybe you go to bed with your ex-wife or husband. 1402 01:14:59,036 --> 01:15:00,705 Maybe you climb the Matterhorn. 1403 01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,707 Connie, you wake up with a new scene 1404 01:15:02,707 --> 01:15:04,834 three-quarters written in your head already. 1405 01:15:04,834 --> 01:15:07,545 Schubert, you wake up with a hangover. 1406 01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:09,171 Important things happen. 1407 01:15:09,171 --> 01:15:11,257 Is there something to play? I think so. 1408 01:15:11,257 --> 01:15:14,051 Let's work on the scene from the outside in. 1409 01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:15,428 Be inert. 1410 01:15:15,428 --> 01:15:17,430 Then dream. 1411 01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:22,560 Where are we, Connie? And when? 1412 01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:23,728 Talk to us. 1413 01:15:23,728 --> 01:15:25,187 Yes. All right. 1414 01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,605 One week later. 1415 01:15:26,605 --> 01:15:28,524 Our cast of characters' already tenuous 1416 01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:31,444 grasp of reality has further slipped in quarantine, 1417 01:15:31,444 --> 01:15:33,571 and the group begins to occupy a space 1418 01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:35,906 of the most peculiar emotional dimensions. 1419 01:15:35,906 --> 01:15:37,908 Meanwhile, the information blockade 1420 01:15:37,908 --> 01:15:39,952 spearheaded by General Grif Gibson 1421 01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:42,413 has been, it appears... 1422 01:15:42,413 --> 01:15:44,623 incomplete. 1423 01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:19,909 Extra! Extra! Late edition! 1424 01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,577 Extra! Extra! 1425 01:16:21,577 --> 01:16:23,329 Late edition! 1426 01:16:28,083 --> 01:16:30,878 I hope you're aware, you and your accomplices may still face 1427 01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:33,339 felony prosecution, possibly even a treason charge. 1428 01:16:33,339 --> 01:16:35,633 I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court, 1429 01:16:35,633 --> 01:16:37,927 -if necessary, and win. 1430 01:16:37,927 --> 01:16:40,346 This just in, from the president. 1431 01:16:41,305 --> 01:16:43,098 He's furious. Thanks a lot, Ricky. 1432 01:16:43,098 --> 01:16:45,142 I don't know what to say, General Gibson. 1433 01:16:45,142 --> 01:16:46,977 -I'm sorry. -Don't apologize, Dad. 1434 01:16:46,977 --> 01:16:48,687 The public has a right to the truth. 1435 01:16:48,687 --> 01:16:51,065 -You made your point. -This tribunal is a mockery! 1436 01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,733 What about Steenbeck, who took the photograph? 1437 01:16:52,733 --> 01:16:54,693 It's on the front page of every newspaper on the planet. 1438 01:16:54,693 --> 01:16:57,238 -Can't we arrest him, as well? -Unfortunately, no. 1439 01:16:57,238 --> 01:16:58,781 He dropped a print in the mail 1440 01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:00,449 to his photo agency first thing Tuesday morning, 1441 01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:02,785 and the postman got it before we did. He's innocent. 1442 01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:04,787 Supposedly, he did a nude of Midge Campbell, too. 1443 01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:07,164 -Midge Campbell? -Ooh, Midge Campbell. 1444 01:17:08,290 --> 01:17:10,125 As you know, boys and girls, your parents arrived 1445 01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:11,710 late last night by military helicopter. 1446 01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:13,504 They've been sequestered in that metal hut over there 1447 01:17:13,504 --> 01:17:15,089 for the past several hours while the government scientists 1448 01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:16,549 explain the situation to them, 1449 01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:18,175 although everything's already in the newspapers. 1450 01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:19,802 It's my understanding they're about to go onto 1451 01:17:19,802 --> 01:17:21,387 this closed-circuit television set at any moment. 1452 01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:23,556 Everything's connected, but nothing's working. 1453 01:17:23,556 --> 01:17:26,934 Let's carry on with the lesson plan, then. Billy? 1454 01:17:26,934 --> 01:17:28,602 I did the alien's flying saucer 1455 01:17:28,602 --> 01:17:31,272 with a hubcap and a chicken pot pie tin. 1456 01:17:31,272 --> 01:17:33,524 Good work. Very accurate. 1457 01:17:33,524 --> 01:17:35,067 Jupiter, fifth planet from the sun, 1458 01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:36,569 largest in our solar system... 1459 01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:37,945 Yes, Bernice? 1460 01:17:37,945 --> 01:17:40,489 I did the alien on his home planet. 1461 01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:43,617 Well done. How wonderful. 1462 01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,703 Due to extreme atmospheric conditions, 1463 01:17:45,703 --> 01:17:49,123 an anticyclonic storm has raged on Jupiter's surface for over... 1464 01:17:49,123 --> 01:17:50,249 Yes, Dwight? 1465 01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:51,834 I wrote a song about him. 1466 01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:56,255 Oh. Um, this may not be the time for a musical performance. 1467 01:17:56,255 --> 01:17:57,798 -Let's... 1468 01:17:57,798 --> 01:17:59,258 Uh, yes, Montana? 1469 01:17:59,258 --> 01:18:00,634 Pardon the interruption, June. 1470 01:18:00,634 --> 01:18:02,011 The boys and I heard old Dwight 1471 01:18:02,011 --> 01:18:03,429 was scribbling up a little warble, 1472 01:18:03,429 --> 01:18:05,180 so we learned ourselves to play it. 1473 01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:14,440 -One, two, three. 1474 01:18:14,440 --> 01:18:17,026 ♪ Howdly-dee... ♪ 1475 01:18:17,026 --> 01:18:21,864 Dear alien, who art in heaven, 1476 01:18:21,864 --> 01:18:27,161 lean and skinny, 'bout six-foot-seven; 1477 01:18:27,161 --> 01:18:31,290 Though we know ye ain't our brother: 1478 01:18:31,290 --> 01:18:34,418 are you friend or foe 1479 01:18:34,418 --> 01:18:36,712 ? 1480 01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,714 Hop on one foot, skip on two 1481 01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,341 dance the Spaceman, howdly-do! 1482 01:18:40,341 --> 01:18:42,259 Bounce on four foot, spring on three; 1483 01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:44,136 let's be spacemen, howdly-dee! 1484 01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:47,306 -♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1485 01:18:47,306 --> 01:18:51,143 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1486 01:18:51,143 --> 01:18:54,438 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1487 01:18:54,438 --> 01:18:58,192 -♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ -Come on, y'all! 1488 01:18:58,192 --> 01:19:00,152 ♪ Hop on one foot, skip on two ♪ 1489 01:19:00,152 --> 01:19:02,071 ♪ Dance the Spaceman, howdly-do ♪ 1490 01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:03,906 ♪ Bounce on four foot, spring on three ♪ 1491 01:19:03,906 --> 01:19:05,532 ♪ Let's be spacemen, howdly-dee ♪ 1492 01:19:05,532 --> 01:19:09,703 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ♪ 1493 01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:13,582 This was on an old roll I forgot to develop 1494 01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:15,376 in the glove box. 1495 01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:18,087 "Self-Portrait with Shrapnel." 1496 01:19:24,718 --> 01:19:26,762 Do page 45. 1497 01:19:36,897 --> 01:19:38,691 "What have you done? How could you?" 1498 01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:40,150 -It says "shouting and crying." -Uh-huh. 1499 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,695 -So shout and cry. -"How could you?!" 1500 01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,948 "How couldn't I?" 1501 01:19:45,948 --> 01:19:47,366 "How couldn't you?" 1502 01:19:47,366 --> 01:19:48,784 "That's what I'm asking." 1503 01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:50,995 "It was over already. You were free. 1504 01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:52,913 "What's the point of committing suicide 1505 01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:55,541 when there's nothing left to escape?" 1506 01:19:56,458 --> 01:19:59,128 "Maybe that was the problem all along." 1507 01:19:59,128 --> 01:20:01,964 "Stares for a moment." 1508 01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:03,966 And then it says I smash everything off the shelf. 1509 01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:05,634 So smash everything off the shelf. 1510 01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,557 "Such a sickening waste. 1511 01:20:11,557 --> 01:20:14,393 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1512 01:20:14,393 --> 01:20:16,645 -Think of the world..." -Use your grief. 1513 01:20:16,645 --> 01:20:18,063 For a rehearsal? 1514 01:20:18,063 --> 01:20:19,565 I'm not even in this picture. 1515 01:20:19,565 --> 01:20:21,442 I'm a war photographer. 1516 01:20:21,442 --> 01:20:23,068 Use your grief. 1517 01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:25,988 All right. 1518 01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:31,744 "Such a sickening waste. 1519 01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:36,999 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1520 01:20:36,999 --> 01:20:40,252 Think of the world you could have seen, Dolores." 1521 01:20:42,337 --> 01:20:44,465 "I've already seen it." 1522 01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,135 She still is... uh, is-is she a ghost? 1523 01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:52,723 It's not clear. 1524 01:20:53,515 --> 01:20:54,808 Uh... 1525 01:20:54,808 --> 01:20:56,560 Then the, uh... the... 1526 01:20:57,644 --> 01:20:59,605 Then the coroner comes in, orders me out of the room. 1527 01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:01,440 I slowly turn away and close the door. 1528 01:21:01,440 --> 01:21:02,524 Scene. 1529 01:21:02,524 --> 01:21:04,651 My sandwich is burning. 1530 01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:21,752 My daughter saw us. 1531 01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:22,753 What? 1532 01:21:22,753 --> 01:21:24,713 Oh, uh, Dinah saw us. 1533 01:21:24,713 --> 01:21:27,424 Through this window, in your bedroom yesterday. 1534 01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:39,353 Did you, uh, tell her we were rehearsing again? 1535 01:21:40,270 --> 01:21:42,314 I didn't think of that. I should've. 1536 01:21:42,314 --> 01:21:45,275 But it's too late, because I admitted everything. 1537 01:21:46,318 --> 01:21:48,112 Did she tell Woodrow? 1538 01:21:48,946 --> 01:21:50,572 Hard to say. 1539 01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:52,157 She can keep a secret. 1540 01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:53,951 I don't know if she will. 1541 01:21:56,745 --> 01:21:59,540 This isn't the beginning of something, Augie. 1542 01:21:59,540 --> 01:22:01,542 Isn't it? 1543 01:22:02,417 --> 01:22:03,919 Is it? 1544 01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:05,879 Probably not. 1545 01:22:05,879 --> 01:22:07,256 Unless maybe it is. 1546 01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:08,841 I don't like the way that guy looked at us. 1547 01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:10,926 -What guy? -The alien. 1548 01:22:10,926 --> 01:22:12,302 Oh. How did he... 1549 01:22:12,302 --> 01:22:14,555 -How did he look at us? -Like we're doomed. 1550 01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:19,268 Maybe we are. 1551 01:22:24,815 --> 01:22:26,441 What did you just do? 1552 01:22:26,441 --> 01:22:28,026 I burned my hand on the Quicky-Griddle. 1553 01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:30,112 -Why? -It's not clear. 1554 01:22:30,112 --> 01:22:32,281 Show me. 1555 01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:34,783 You really did it. 1556 01:22:34,783 --> 01:22:37,411 That actually happened. 1557 01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,504 Pull. 1558 01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:56,305 How long can they keep us in Asteroid City? 1559 01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:57,764 Legally, I mean. 1560 01:22:57,764 --> 01:22:59,141 Well, I'm not an attorney, 1561 01:22:59,141 --> 01:23:00,767 but I'd say as long as they like. 1562 01:23:00,767 --> 01:23:02,477 I think we'd have to file an injunction 1563 01:23:02,477 --> 01:23:04,229 and successfully argue the case-- six months to a year? 1564 01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:05,647 Of course, we'd also need to initiate 1565 01:23:05,647 --> 01:23:07,065 a civil suit for loss of income. 1566 01:23:07,065 --> 01:23:08,817 Maybe we should just walk out right now. 1567 01:23:08,817 --> 01:23:11,945 I'm not sure they could stop us without killing somebody. 1568 01:23:11,945 --> 01:23:13,530 Interesting idea. 1569 01:23:13,530 --> 01:23:16,158 What kind of mileage you think that jet pack gets? 1570 01:23:16,158 --> 01:23:17,492 Ask Roger or his son. 1571 01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:19,077 Apparently, he's being prosecuted 1572 01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:20,495 for revealing state secrets. 1573 01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:22,456 -They'll never make it stick. -I'm in no hurry. 1574 01:23:22,456 --> 01:23:24,499 I like the desert. I like aliens. 1575 01:23:24,499 --> 01:23:26,043 -Pull. 1576 01:23:26,043 --> 01:23:27,502 How'd you get that back? 1577 01:23:27,502 --> 01:23:28,921 The projects remain under secure lockdown. 1578 01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:30,297 No Stargazer is permitted personal access 1579 01:23:30,297 --> 01:23:31,381 without the express permission... 1580 01:23:31,381 --> 01:23:32,674 My son invented this death ray. 1581 01:23:32,674 --> 01:23:34,176 That may be true, but my orders are... 1582 01:23:34,176 --> 01:23:35,761 -Step back. -Easy, fellas. 1583 01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,512 -We're not in Guadalcanal anymore. -Okay, okay, okay. 1584 01:23:37,512 --> 01:23:39,348 Everyone, please. It's been a difficult quarantine. 1585 01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:41,016 -I'll zap you right now! -You stole your projects! 1586 01:23:41,016 --> 01:23:42,559 GIBSON Goddamn it, tell them 1587 01:23:42,559 --> 01:23:43,936 -to stand down! -Stand down! You hear that? 1588 01:23:43,936 --> 01:23:45,312 General Gibson says, "Stand down." 1589 01:23:45,312 --> 01:23:46,730 -You married? -Of course. 1590 01:23:46,730 --> 01:23:48,815 We'll reconfiscate the projects at a later time. 1591 01:23:48,815 --> 01:23:50,317 Probably after dinner. 1592 01:23:51,193 --> 01:23:53,320 Try it. 1593 01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:56,698 Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out, 1594 01:23:56,698 --> 01:23:58,784 Jack the Ripper, out, Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple, 1595 01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,827 out, out, Orson Welles, Lucille Ball, out, 1596 01:24:00,827 --> 01:24:03,038 Marlon Brando, out, Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle, 1597 01:24:03,038 --> 01:24:04,706 out, out, Yul Brynner, Louis Armstrong, 1598 01:24:04,706 --> 01:24:07,209 out, Lana Turner, out, Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald, 1599 01:24:07,209 --> 01:24:09,711 out, out, Rock Hudson, out, Jerry Lewis, out, out, 1600 01:24:09,711 --> 01:24:11,922 Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out, Joan of Arc, out, 1601 01:24:11,922 --> 01:24:13,548 Charles Darwin, Walter Pidgeon, out, 1602 01:24:13,548 --> 01:24:15,467 Emily Dickinson, Galileo, out, out, 1603 01:24:15,467 --> 01:24:17,302 Pontius Pilate, out, Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O... 1604 01:24:17,302 --> 01:24:19,429 Who's responsible for stealing my radio telescope, 1605 01:24:19,429 --> 01:24:21,056 my signal processing receiver 1606 01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,558 and my entire spectrographical monitoring network? 1607 01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,145 They're trying to contact the alien. 1608 01:24:27,145 --> 01:24:30,065 Well, I appreciate that, but what about Dr. Hickenlooper? 1609 01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:33,068 If you're trying to contact the alien, include me. 1610 01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:35,237 Did you hear anything from him so far? 1611 01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:36,947 -No. Huh. 1612 01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:38,782 What's all this? 1613 01:24:38,782 --> 01:24:41,076 I put the American flag just to be patriotic. 1614 01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:42,828 Now we need to really mean something. 1615 01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:44,830 A universal message, not only to earthlings. 1616 01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,957 We already thought of everything we could think of: 1617 01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:48,667 a cross, a star, a four-leaf clover, 1618 01:24:48,667 --> 01:24:50,252 letters, numbers, hieroglyphics. 1619 01:24:50,252 --> 01:24:52,129 What's the point of projecting a star onto the moon? 1620 01:24:52,129 --> 01:24:53,505 -Exactly. -I ask that sincerely. 1621 01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:54,756 How about "E equals MC-squared"? 1622 01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:56,091 -I still think it's... -They know that. 1623 01:24:56,091 --> 01:24:57,426 -It's too easy. -This is our chance 1624 01:24:57,426 --> 01:24:59,511 to be actually worthwhile in our lifetimes. 1625 01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:01,179 I see what you mean. 1626 01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:03,181 -Whose turn was it? -Oh, the middle of mine. 1627 01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:04,850 I'd better start over. 1628 01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,601 -Cleopatra, Jagadish... -A word, Woodrow. 1629 01:25:06,601 --> 01:25:09,187 About the, uh, settings on the spectrograph. 1630 01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:10,689 Over here, if you wouldn't mind. 1631 01:25:10,689 --> 01:25:12,316 ...Kurt Gödel, William Henry Bragg... 1632 01:25:12,316 --> 01:25:14,359 The, uh, warning label indicates 1633 01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:16,153 that the, uh... 1634 01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:21,158 It's all worthwhile in your lifetime. 1635 01:25:21,158 --> 01:25:22,826 -This, I mean. -Okay. 1636 01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:25,120 Your curiosity is your most important asset. 1637 01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:26,455 -Trust it. -Okay. 1638 01:25:26,455 --> 01:25:28,040 -Trust your curiosity. -Okay. 1639 01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:30,125 The resources of my lab will always be available to you. 1640 01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,752 After this thing is over, I mean. 1641 01:25:31,752 --> 01:25:33,754 You could maybe sort of be my protégé, if you like. 1642 01:25:33,754 --> 01:25:35,088 Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove 1643 01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,423 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation 1644 01:25:36,423 --> 01:25:37,758 and get the math right finally. 1645 01:25:37,758 --> 01:25:39,092 Wow. Let's try. 1646 01:25:39,092 --> 01:25:41,053 I think I see the dots from space 1647 01:25:41,053 --> 01:25:42,846 burned into your eyeballs. 1648 01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,267 I'm sorry about your mother. 1649 01:25:47,267 --> 01:25:50,187 I miss mine, too, and she died 46 years ago. 1650 01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:53,482 Thank you. 1651 01:25:55,609 --> 01:25:57,277 I've already petitioned the State Assembly 1652 01:25:57,277 --> 01:25:59,654 to change the name of the town from Asteroid City 1653 01:25:59,654 --> 01:26:01,281 to Alien Landing, U.S.A. 1654 01:26:01,281 --> 01:26:03,825 This municipality might end up being the center 1655 01:26:03,825 --> 01:26:07,037 of a vast community of Stargazers and Space Cadets. 1656 01:26:07,037 --> 01:26:09,998 It's a historic offering. 1657 01:26:15,212 --> 01:26:17,297 As you know, the Asteroid Day itinerary 1658 01:26:17,297 --> 01:26:18,757 had to be suspended last week 1659 01:26:18,757 --> 01:26:21,259 due to the factual reality of our circumstances. 1660 01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,095 However, I have an announcement to make. 1661 01:26:23,095 --> 01:26:25,055 Dr. Hickenlooper and the Military-Science 1662 01:26:25,055 --> 01:26:26,723 Research and Experimentation Division, 1663 01:26:26,723 --> 01:26:28,600 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation, 1664 01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:30,936 have officially selected a recipient 1665 01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:32,979 for this year's Hickenlooper Scholarship, 1666 01:26:32,979 --> 01:26:36,191 and you're all going home first thing tomorrow morning. 1667 01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:38,276 The president has opted to lift the quarantine 1668 01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:40,112 by executive decree. 1669 01:26:42,697 --> 01:26:44,366 I'd like to take this opportunity-- 1670 01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:46,493 and, by the way, all of this year's projects, 1671 01:26:46,493 --> 01:26:47,994 setting aside my own 1672 01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:50,038 differences of opinion with Ricky Cho, 1673 01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:52,541 were of the very highest caliber, without exception-- 1674 01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:55,419 -to officially declare, uh... 1675 01:26:55,419 --> 01:26:56,837 -What's happening now? -Scholarship... 1676 01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,213 -What's happening now? -I don't know. 1677 01:26:58,213 --> 01:26:59,881 It's today again. 1678 01:27:33,373 --> 01:27:35,292 It's been inventoried. 1679 01:27:39,671 --> 01:27:41,256 Under the provisions of 1680 01:27:41,256 --> 01:27:42,883 National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X, 1681 01:27:42,883 --> 01:27:44,801 the lifting of the quarantine which I just announced 1682 01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:46,803 is now canceled or at least postponed 1683 01:27:46,803 --> 01:27:50,265 due to the unexpected new event which just... 1684 01:28:16,958 --> 01:28:20,212 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 1685 01:28:20,212 --> 01:28:22,506 I still don't understand the play. 1686 01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:24,966 What? 1687 01:28:33,475 --> 01:28:36,228 Where are you going? 1688 01:28:36,228 --> 01:28:38,104 I'll be right back. 1689 01:28:38,104 --> 01:28:40,065 I don't play him as an alien, actually. 1690 01:28:40,065 --> 01:28:41,691 I play him as a metaphor. 1691 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:43,443 -That's my interpretation. -Metaphor for what? 1692 01:28:43,443 --> 01:28:46,154 I-I don't know yet. We don't pin it down. 1693 01:28:46,154 --> 01:28:48,240 Schubert. Schubert. 1694 01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:50,408 -Schubert! Schubert! -Huh? Yes. 1695 01:28:50,408 --> 01:28:52,744 What's wrong? Are you on? 1696 01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:54,538 Technically, but General Gibson just started the scene 1697 01:28:54,538 --> 01:28:56,331 where the president doesn't accept his resignation. 1698 01:28:56,331 --> 01:28:58,333 I've got six and a half minutes before my next line. 1699 01:28:58,333 --> 01:29:00,335 I need an answer to a question I want to ask. 1700 01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,461 Okay. 1701 01:29:01,461 --> 01:29:03,421 Am I doing him right? 1702 01:29:03,421 --> 01:29:04,756 Oh. 1703 01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,091 Well... 1704 01:29:06,091 --> 01:29:07,592 I told you before, there's too much business-- 1705 01:29:07,592 --> 01:29:08,843 with the pipe, with the lighter, 1706 01:29:08,843 --> 01:29:10,470 with the camera, with the eyebrow-- 1707 01:29:10,470 --> 01:29:12,597 but aside from that, on the whole, 1708 01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:14,975 in answer to your question... Sit down. 1709 01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:18,979 You're doing him just right. 1710 01:29:18,979 --> 01:29:21,606 In fact, in my opinion, you didn't just become Augie. 1711 01:29:21,606 --> 01:29:22,941 He became you. 1712 01:29:22,941 --> 01:29:24,025 I feel lost. 1713 01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:25,610 -Good. -He's such a wounded guy. 1714 01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:27,487 I feel like my heart is getting broken-- 1715 01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:28,697 my own, personal heart-- 1716 01:29:28,697 --> 01:29:29,864 -every night. -Good. 1717 01:29:29,864 --> 01:29:31,408 -Do I just keep doing it? -Yes. 1718 01:29:31,408 --> 01:29:33,201 -Without knowing anything? -Yes. 1719 01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:35,078 Isn't there supposed to be some kind of an answer 1720 01:29:35,078 --> 01:29:36,538 out there in the cosmic wilderness? 1721 01:29:36,538 --> 01:29:37,789 Woodrow's line about the meaning of life. 1722 01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:39,082 -"Maybe there is one." -Right. 1723 01:29:39,082 --> 01:29:40,458 Well, that's my question. 1724 01:29:42,210 --> 01:29:44,212 I still don't understand the play. 1725 01:29:44,212 --> 01:29:45,755 Doesn't matter. 1726 01:29:45,755 --> 01:29:48,216 Just keep telling the story. 1727 01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,385 You're doing him right. 1728 01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:51,886 I need a breath of fresh air. 1729 01:29:51,886 --> 01:29:52,971 Huh. 1730 01:29:52,971 --> 01:29:55,432 Okay, but you won't find one. 1731 01:29:58,268 --> 01:29:59,853 Right. 1732 01:30:19,289 --> 01:30:21,124 Hello. 1733 01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,920 Oh. It's you, the wife who played my actress. 1734 01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:29,257 Hmm. My scene was cut after one rehearsal. 1735 01:30:30,425 --> 01:30:33,136 -We still use your photograph. -Hmm. 1736 01:30:36,139 --> 01:30:38,475 You remember the dialogue? 1737 01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:41,144 No. 1738 01:30:42,354 --> 01:30:45,482 We meet in a dream on the alien's planet. 1739 01:30:45,482 --> 01:30:47,359 Magnavox-27. 1740 01:30:47,359 --> 01:30:49,944 Actually, it's one of the moons of it. 1741 01:30:50,904 --> 01:30:54,157 You say, "Did you talk to the alien?" 1742 01:30:54,157 --> 01:30:57,285 I say, "Not yet." 1743 01:30:57,285 --> 01:31:00,038 You say, "Why not? I thought for sure 1744 01:31:00,038 --> 01:31:02,999 you would've yelled at him or made him laugh." 1745 01:31:02,999 --> 01:31:07,212 I say, "Or asked him the secrets of the universe?" 1746 01:31:07,212 --> 01:31:09,339 You say, "Exactly." 1747 01:31:10,423 --> 01:31:13,426 I say, "I think he's shy." 1748 01:31:14,678 --> 01:31:16,388 You say, 1749 01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:19,182 "So's Woodrow, but I'm sure he'll grow out of it. 1750 01:31:19,182 --> 01:31:22,143 I mean, at least I hope he will, without a mother." 1751 01:31:23,937 --> 01:31:27,482 I say, "He's a late bloomer, 1752 01:31:27,482 --> 01:31:32,779 but maybe I think you'll need to replace me." 1753 01:31:32,779 --> 01:31:34,155 You say, 1754 01:31:34,155 --> 01:31:37,283 "What? Why? How? I can't." 1755 01:31:38,535 --> 01:31:43,164 I say, "Maybe I think you'll need to try. 1756 01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:47,919 I'm not coming back, Augie." 1757 01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:53,967 Then you take a picture of me and start crying, 1758 01:31:53,967 --> 01:31:56,010 and I say... 1759 01:31:58,221 --> 01:32:00,682 "I hope it comes out." 1760 01:32:03,768 --> 01:32:05,937 And I say, 1761 01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:08,314 "All my pictures come out." 1762 01:32:19,951 --> 01:32:21,745 Hmm. 1763 01:32:21,745 --> 01:32:23,621 Good memory. Why'd they cut it? 1764 01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:25,123 Running time. 1765 01:32:25,123 --> 01:32:26,833 Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting to the Queen Consort 1766 01:32:26,833 --> 01:32:28,376 in Fruit of a Withering Vine. 1767 01:32:28,376 --> 01:32:30,044 You missed your cue. 1768 01:32:30,044 --> 01:32:32,172 June and the cowboy are already necking in the station wagon. 1769 01:32:32,172 --> 01:32:35,049 They're bandaging the understudy's hand right now. 1770 01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,136 Oh. It's you. 1771 01:32:38,136 --> 01:32:39,971 We almost would've had a scene together. 1772 01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:42,140 -Hello. 1773 01:32:44,309 --> 01:32:48,146 Six months into the run, the company received the news: 1774 01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:50,857 a catastrophic automobile accident. 1775 01:32:50,857 --> 01:32:52,984 Conrad Earp, American playwright 1776 01:32:52,984 --> 01:32:55,820 unequaled in passion and imagination, 1777 01:32:55,820 --> 01:32:57,363 dead at 50. 1778 01:32:57,363 --> 01:32:59,616 I'd like to make a scene where all my characters 1779 01:32:59,616 --> 01:33:01,242 are each gently, privately seduced 1780 01:33:01,242 --> 01:33:03,536 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1781 01:33:03,536 --> 01:33:05,246 as a result of their shared experience 1782 01:33:05,246 --> 01:33:08,124 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery, 1783 01:33:08,124 --> 01:33:10,585 -but I don't know how to write it. - 1784 01:33:11,503 --> 01:33:14,088 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1785 01:33:14,088 --> 01:33:15,632 -What was that? 1786 01:33:15,632 --> 01:33:17,217 What's happening? 1787 01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:19,928 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1788 01:33:19,928 --> 01:33:21,095 -What? -That's not true. 1789 01:33:21,095 --> 01:33:22,430 -Say it again. -Who cares? 1790 01:33:22,430 --> 01:33:25,183 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1791 01:33:25,183 --> 01:33:26,351 -Why should you? -Maybe not. 1792 01:33:26,351 --> 01:33:27,852 -Of course. -Uh, yes. 1793 01:33:27,852 --> 01:33:29,854 -You can't wake up... -If you don't fall asleep. 1794 01:33:29,854 --> 01:33:32,190 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1795 01:33:32,190 --> 01:33:34,192 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1796 01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:36,486 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1797 01:33:36,486 --> 01:33:38,947 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1798 01:33:38,947 --> 01:33:41,324 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1799 01:33:41,324 --> 01:33:43,618 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1800 01:33:43,618 --> 01:33:45,995 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1801 01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:48,373 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1802 01:33:48,373 --> 01:33:50,792 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1803 01:33:50,792 --> 01:33:53,294 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1804 01:33:53,294 --> 01:33:55,463 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1805 01:33:55,463 --> 01:33:57,799 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1806 01:33:57,799 --> 01:34:00,927 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1807 01:34:28,955 --> 01:34:32,625 ♪ Somewhere there's music, how faint the tune ♪ 1808 01:34:32,625 --> 01:34:35,753 ♪ Somewhere there's heaven, how high the moon... ♪ 1809 01:34:35,753 --> 01:34:38,715 Uh, where'd they go? 1810 01:34:39,465 --> 01:34:40,925 Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck. 1811 01:34:40,925 --> 01:34:43,094 Juice preference, please-- apple, orange or tomato. 1812 01:34:43,094 --> 01:34:44,929 Where'd they go? Everybody. 1813 01:34:44,929 --> 01:34:46,431 Of course. I understand. 1814 01:34:46,431 --> 01:34:48,433 The president lifted the quarantine after all, 1815 01:34:48,433 --> 01:34:49,934 at midnight. 1816 01:34:49,934 --> 01:34:51,769 He sent the whole gang home-- the troops, the cowboys, 1817 01:34:51,769 --> 01:34:53,479 the Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets. 1818 01:34:53,479 --> 01:34:55,982 You are free to return back to wherever you came from. 1819 01:34:55,982 --> 01:34:57,817 We had 11 checkouts this morning. 1820 01:34:57,817 --> 01:34:59,861 I guess you overslept. 1821 01:34:59,861 --> 01:35:01,779 They returned your science projects, by the way. 1822 01:35:01,779 --> 01:35:03,406 Hmm. 1823 01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,701 -Tomato. -Right away. 1824 01:35:13,249 --> 01:35:16,711 The plan was to shovel it up and take her with us. 1825 01:35:16,711 --> 01:35:20,089 Like I said, we'll exhume the Tupperware. 1826 01:35:20,089 --> 01:35:22,675 We don't have any burial rights to this plot here. 1827 01:35:22,675 --> 01:35:24,677 I would question whether it even is a plot. 1828 01:35:24,677 --> 01:35:26,095 It isn't. 1829 01:35:26,095 --> 01:35:28,181 -Don't murder my mother's ashes! -He's killing her! 1830 01:35:28,181 --> 01:35:30,934 No, no, no, no. Let us pray. 1831 01:35:34,938 --> 01:35:36,481 Poppy! 1832 01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:40,610 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for the life 1833 01:35:40,610 --> 01:35:44,572 of this magnificent woman, who was once just a little girl 1834 01:35:44,572 --> 01:35:47,241 like these three witches in training. 1835 01:35:47,241 --> 01:35:48,826 -Not in training. -We are witches. 1836 01:35:48,826 --> 01:35:50,453 Part witch, part alien. 1837 01:35:50,453 --> 01:35:52,830 Like these three witches at one time. 1838 01:35:52,830 --> 01:35:55,750 We had no intention of permanently burying her 1839 01:35:55,750 --> 01:35:57,752 next to this unmarked cactus, 1840 01:35:57,752 --> 01:35:59,253 but I no longer have the strength 1841 01:35:59,253 --> 01:36:02,256 to fight for her dignity, nor neither does Augie. 1842 01:36:02,256 --> 01:36:04,008 -Do you? -No. 1843 01:36:04,008 --> 01:36:07,095 So we'll defer to the wishes of her stubborn daughters. 1844 01:36:07,095 --> 01:36:10,682 Woodrow, any final farewell? 1845 01:36:10,682 --> 01:36:12,475 I don't believe in God anymore. 1846 01:36:12,475 --> 01:36:13,893 Fair enough. 1847 01:36:13,893 --> 01:36:16,938 -Amen. Amen. 1848 01:36:16,938 --> 01:36:19,524 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo, 1849 01:36:19,524 --> 01:36:22,819 knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 1850 01:36:22,819 --> 01:36:25,113 Mama is in the ground. 1851 01:36:25,113 --> 01:36:27,448 Say the prayer for Mama. 1852 01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:30,076 Mama, we'll say the prayer, too. 1853 01:36:30,076 --> 01:36:31,703 You are beautiful... 1854 01:36:33,287 --> 01:36:35,081 Five orders of flapjacks and two black coffees. 1855 01:36:35,081 --> 01:36:36,874 -Thanks. 1856 01:36:39,711 --> 01:36:41,129 Who needs to pee? 1857 01:36:41,129 --> 01:36:42,839 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. -Not me. 1858 01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:44,549 How about a glass of strawberry milk? 1859 01:36:44,549 --> 01:36:46,592 Mmm. -Yes, please. 1860 01:36:48,052 --> 01:36:50,763 Somebody win that scholarship? 1861 01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:52,724 I did. 1862 01:36:52,724 --> 01:36:54,392 -When? -Last night. 1863 01:36:54,392 --> 01:36:57,311 General Gibson slipped it to me in line at the communal showers. 1864 01:36:57,311 --> 01:36:59,355 I think he just wanted to get it over with. 1865 01:36:59,355 --> 01:37:01,733 It's actually a standard-sized check of typical dimensions. 1866 01:37:01,733 --> 01:37:03,818 The big one's only for show. 1867 01:37:03,818 --> 01:37:05,820 -Wow. -Congratulations, Woodrow. 1868 01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:07,196 That's, uh, stupendous. 1869 01:37:07,196 --> 01:37:08,656 You must be some kind of a genius. 1870 01:37:08,656 --> 01:37:09,866 I agree. 1871 01:37:09,866 --> 01:37:12,493 You must be some kind of brainiac. 1872 01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,329 Has it got any strings attached to it? 1873 01:37:15,329 --> 01:37:16,914 It's made out to you personally. 1874 01:37:16,914 --> 01:37:18,958 How you plan to use it? 1875 01:37:20,209 --> 01:37:22,503 I'll probably spend it on my girlfriend. 1876 01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:29,052 What do you write in that little book? 1877 01:37:30,428 --> 01:37:32,180 Next year's project, confidentially. 1878 01:37:32,180 --> 01:37:34,265 -Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa. -Wow. Is that possible? 1879 01:37:34,265 --> 01:37:36,225 -Is that possible? 1880 01:37:36,225 --> 01:37:39,604 Midge Campbell left you her address. 1881 01:37:39,604 --> 01:37:42,440 It's just a post office box. 1882 01:37:44,442 --> 01:37:46,110 What happened that night I saw the... 1883 01:37:46,110 --> 01:37:47,695 That's none of your business, Stanley. 1884 01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:49,447 I know. Of course it isn't. 1885 01:37:49,447 --> 01:37:51,032 I only ask because Woodrow told me 1886 01:37:51,032 --> 01:37:52,784 -Dinah told him. -I understand. I understand. 1887 01:37:52,784 --> 01:37:54,285 I understand. 1888 01:37:54,285 --> 01:37:56,954 I went to law school with her former agent. 1889 01:37:56,954 --> 01:37:59,165 Anyway, I don't object. 1890 01:37:59,165 --> 01:38:02,251 She's actually a very gifted comedienne. 1891 01:38:02,251 --> 01:38:03,795 That's true. 1892 01:38:07,381 --> 01:38:09,634 Another atom bomb test. 1893 01:38:32,448 --> 01:38:34,617 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1894 01:38:34,617 --> 01:38:36,410 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1895 01:38:36,410 --> 01:38:38,454 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1896 01:38:38,454 --> 01:38:40,248 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1897 01:38:40,248 --> 01:38:43,084 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 1898 01:38:43,084 --> 01:38:45,586 -♪ Won't you tell me... ♪ 1899 01:38:45,586 --> 01:38:47,755 Woodrow, let's go. 1900 01:38:55,221 --> 01:38:56,722 ♪ Don't know where ♪ 1901 01:38:56,722 --> 01:38:59,100 -♪ He's heading for ♪ 1902 01:38:59,100 --> 01:39:00,601 ♪ What he's done ♪ 1903 01:39:00,601 --> 01:39:02,895 -♪ Against the law ♪ 1904 01:39:02,895 --> 01:39:06,065 ♪ Got no future, got no hope ♪ 1905 01:39:06,065 --> 01:39:09,944 ♪ Just nothing but the rope ♪ 1906 01:39:17,952 --> 01:39:19,871 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1907 01:39:19,871 --> 01:39:21,622 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1908 01:39:21,622 --> 01:39:23,833 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1909 01:39:23,833 --> 01:39:25,585 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1910 01:39:25,585 --> 01:39:28,171 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 1911 01:39:28,171 --> 01:39:30,339 -♪ Won't you tell me ♪ 1912 01:39:30,339 --> 01:39:32,884 ♪ Where he's gone ♪ 1913 01:39:40,683 --> 01:39:44,478 ♪ He lost his reason, lost his life ♪ 1914 01:39:44,478 --> 01:39:48,357 ♪ He killed his friend in mortal strife ♪ 1915 01:39:48,357 --> 01:39:51,652 ♪ He must keep moving like the rolling skies ♪ 1916 01:39:51,652 --> 01:39:55,907 ♪ Just a-waitin' till he dies ♪ 1917 01:40:03,623 --> 01:40:05,583 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1918 01:40:05,583 --> 01:40:07,376 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1919 01:40:07,376 --> 01:40:09,378 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1920 01:40:09,378 --> 01:40:11,214 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1921 01:40:11,214 --> 01:40:14,258 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 1922 01:40:14,258 --> 01:40:18,471 ♪ Won't you tell me where he's gone ♪ 1923 01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:30,399 ♪ When he dies, just bury him, please ♪ 1924 01:40:30,399 --> 01:40:34,362 ♪ Way down the end of old Chestnut Street ♪ 1925 01:40:34,362 --> 01:40:37,657 ♪ Poplars at his head and feet ♪ 1926 01:40:37,657 --> 01:40:42,286 ♪ And tell them he's gone to sleep ♪ 1927 01:40:49,502 --> 01:40:51,545 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1928 01:40:51,545 --> 01:40:53,297 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1929 01:40:53,297 --> 01:40:55,258 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 1930 01:40:55,258 --> 01:40:57,134 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 1931 01:40:57,134 --> 01:41:00,221 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 1932 01:41:00,221 --> 01:41:04,225 ♪ Won't you tell me where he's gone. ♪ 1933 01:41:40,469 --> 01:41:44,640 ♪ You ♪ 1934 01:41:47,018 --> 01:41:50,271 ♪ Can't wake up ♪ 1935 01:41:50,271 --> 01:41:54,025 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 1936 01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:57,862 ♪ You can't fall in love ♪ 1937 01:41:57,862 --> 01:42:01,574 ♪ And land on your feet ♪ 1938 01:42:01,574 --> 01:42:04,952 ♪ You won't smell the roses ♪ 1939 01:42:04,952 --> 01:42:08,956 ♪ If you never plant a seed ♪ 1940 01:42:08,956 --> 01:42:12,084 ♪ And you can't wake up ♪ 1941 01:42:12,084 --> 01:42:16,797 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 1942 01:42:19,717 --> 01:42:23,512 ♪ You can't make an entrance ♪ 1943 01:42:23,512 --> 01:42:26,265 ♪ If you keep missing your cue ♪ 1944 01:42:28,142 --> 01:42:30,519 ♪ And you won't pick a winner ♪ 1945 01:42:30,519 --> 01:42:35,191 ♪ Till you learn how to choose ♪ 1946 01:42:35,191 --> 01:42:38,277 ♪ You'll never find the treasure ♪ 1947 01:42:38,277 --> 01:42:41,989 ♪ Unless you dig deep ♪ 1948 01:42:41,989 --> 01:42:45,159 ♪ And you can't wake up ♪ 1949 01:42:45,159 --> 01:42:49,080 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 1950 01:42:52,625 --> 01:42:56,337 ♪ Oh, you'll never ♪ 1951 01:42:56,337 --> 01:42:59,965 ♪ Have memories ♪ 1952 01:42:59,965 --> 01:43:03,386 ♪ Worth keeping ♪ 1953 01:43:06,138 --> 01:43:10,768 ♪ Oh, you'll never ♪ 1954 01:43:10,768 --> 01:43:14,105 ♪ Find the truth ♪ 1955 01:43:14,105 --> 01:43:18,317 ♪ You are seeking ♪ 1956 01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:28,494 ♪ While you are sleeping ♪ 1957 01:43:32,581 --> 01:43:36,877 ♪ But you can't wake up ♪ 1958 01:43:36,877 --> 01:43:40,714 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 1959 01:43:40,714 --> 01:43:44,510 ♪ So go live your dreams ♪ 1960 01:43:44,510 --> 01:43:47,346 ♪ And live them real deep ♪ 1961 01:43:47,346 --> 01:43:51,976 ♪ There is some counting money ♪ 1962 01:43:51,976 --> 01:43:57,148 ♪ And there's some counting sheep ♪ 1963 01:43:57,148 --> 01:44:01,318 ♪ Oh, you can't wake up ♪ 1964 01:44:01,318 --> 01:44:06,699 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 1965 01:44:12,621 --> 01:44:16,208 ♪ If you don't fall asleep. ♪ 1966 01:45:01,879 --> 01:45:03,964 Wicked.