1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,901 (clock ticking) 4 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,903 (lights clank) 5 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,905 (microphone feedback squeals softly) 6 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,409 (switches clicking) 7 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,953 Tonight's program takes us backstage 8 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:21,540 to witness firsthand the creation, start to finish, 9 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,252 of a new play mounted on the American stage. 10 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,755 Asteroid City does not exist. 11 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,382 It is an imaginary drama 12 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,260 created expressly for this broadcast. 13 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,264 The characters are fictional, the text hypothetical, 14 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,891 the events an apocryphal fabrication, 15 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,894 but together they present an authentic account 16 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,648 of the inner workings of a modern theatrical production. 17 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:50,527 Our story begins, of course, with an ink ribbon. 18 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:54,740 Conrad Earp, playwright, native of upper Wyoming, 19 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,909 well-known for his romantic poetic tapestries 20 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,704 of life west of the Rocky Mountains. 21 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,873 ♪ ♪ 22 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,045 There is little amusement to be had, however, 23 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,963 in watching a man type. 24 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,300 Skip ahead, then, past the lonely, agonized months 25 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,636 of composing, revising, polishing, editing, rewriting, 26 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:20,182 cutting, pasting, pacing, doodling and solitary drinking, 27 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,726 and join our company as they take the stage 28 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,936 for their first read-through rehearsal. 29 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,064 Location: the Tarkington Theater, 30 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,150 345 South Northwest Avenue. 31 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,860 (bell rings) 32 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,322 Curtain rises on a desert bus stop 33 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,575 halfway between Parched Gulch and Arid Plains. 34 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,702 Main scenography includes 35 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,829 a 12-stool luncheonette, 36 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,748 a one-pump filling station 37 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,584 and a ten-cabin motor court hotel. 38 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,211 Upstage left: 39 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,879 the Tomahawk Mountains. 40 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,340 Highest peak: 11,000 feet. 41 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,301 Upstage right: an unfinished highway overpass 42 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,595 which vaults up 20 feet, then chops off midair 43 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,931 behind a permanent roadblock. 44 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,599 Center front: an impact crater 45 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,518 a hundred feet in depth and diameter 46 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:08,271 encircled by a low Little League variety chain-link fence. 47 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,856 -(train whistle blows) -(train chugging) 48 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,026 Offstage, distant: a 650-car freight train 49 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,571 which click-clacks by at five miles an hour. 50 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,365 Note to chief electrician: 51 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,451 The light of the desert sun is neither warm nor cool 52 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,037 but always clean 53 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,998 and, above all, unforgiving. 54 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,418 Cast: Augie Steenbeck, 55 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,753 war photographer, early 40s. 56 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:35,090 His son Woodrow, 14, also known as Brainiac. 57 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,927 Midge Campbell, late 30s, film actress. 58 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,179 Her daughter Dinah, 15. 59 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,807 June Douglas, schoolteacher. 60 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,685 Ranch hand Montana, above. 61 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,812 Grif Gibson, five-star general. 62 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:53,358 Sandy Borden, Roger Cho, J.J. Kellogg. 63 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,861 Clifford, Ricky, Shelly. 64 00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,031 Stanley Zak, 65, retired. 65 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,661 The action of the play takes place in September of 1955. 66 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,956 Act one: Friday morning, 7:00 a.m. 67 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,459 Act two: the next day. 68 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,919 Act three: one week later. 69 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:16,590 ("Last Train to San Fernando" by Johnny Duncan playing) 70 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,677 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 71 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:25,098 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 72 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,602 ♪ If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ♪ 73 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:32,856 ♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando ♪ 74 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,608 ♪ Last night, I met my sweet Dorothy ♪ 75 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,776 ♪ She said, "Tomorrow I join in sweet matrimony" ♪ 76 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,778 ♪ But if you act all right ♪ 77 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,405 ♪ Oh, you can take me out tonight ♪ 78 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,616 ♪ We can wine and dine and get back in time ♪ 79 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,410 ♪ For the last train to San Fernando ♪ 80 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:50,207 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 81 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:53,793 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 82 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,464 ♪ If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ♪ 83 00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,884 ♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando. ♪ 84 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,720 ♪ ♪ 85 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,490 (song ends) 86 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,825 (wind whistling) 87 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,036 (bell clanging) 88 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,629 (roadrunner chitters) 89 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,425 (train whistle blows) 90 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,431 (wind howling) 91 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,498 (metallic squeaking) 92 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,845 (bird screeches) 93 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,272 (distant rumble) 94 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,070 ♪ ♪ 95 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,077 (engine rumbling) 96 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,092 (whirring) 97 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:11,181 (metallic squeaking continues) 98 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,772 (bird calling) 99 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,281 GIRL (faintly): It's a dead snake. 100 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,575 Flat snake. 101 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,119 Poke him in the head with this stick. 102 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,747 (chatter continues indistinctly) 103 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,415 ("Island of Dreams" by The Springfields playing) 104 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,417 -♪ I wander the streets ♪ -(entry bell jingles) 105 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,921 ♪ And the gay crowded places... ♪ 106 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:46,466 Five orders of flapjacks and a black coffee. 107 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,719 ♪ But somehow it seems ♪ 108 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:53,181 ♪ That my thoughts ever stray ♪ 109 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,891 ♪ To our last... ♪ 110 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,226 Who needs to pee? 111 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,727 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. 112 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,479 Our average speed is 83 feet per second. 113 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,564 Poor fuel efficiency due to excess wind resistance. 114 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,149 Probably the luggage rack. 115 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,485 Based on data before the loss of power, obviously. 116 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,737 ♪ High in the sky... ♪ 117 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,614 What do you little princesses want to drink? 118 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,241 -Oh, we're not princesses. -I'm a vampire. 119 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,034 I'm a mummy in Egypt who got buried alive... 120 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,911 -I suck people's blood. -...and came back to life 121 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,372 -with his head chopped off. -I'm a fairy. 122 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,501 How about a glass of strawberry milk? 123 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,087 -(distant explosion) -(rumbling) 124 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,588 What was that? 125 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,465 Another atom bomb test. 126 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,759 (song continues faintly inside) 127 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,098 (camera clicks) 128 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,101 (birds calling) 129 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,109 I've seen this combination of symptoms twice before 130 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,445 in the '52 Estate model. 131 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:52,532 In one case, it was a quick fix of a 75-cent part. 132 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,701 In the other case, it was a difficult, costly, 133 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,662 time-consuming disassembly and re-mantling 134 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,164 of the entire drivetrain 135 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,374 and lubrication mechanism, which didn't work. 136 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,001 The motor exploded itself, 137 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,253 and the body was stripped and sold for scrap. 138 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,880 There it is. 139 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,300 (loud clunking) 140 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,012 (glass shatters) 141 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,597 Well, which one have we got? 142 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,807 We're about to find out. 143 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,603 (steady ticking) 144 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,735 (squeaking) 145 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,797 (train whistle blows in distance) 146 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:49,964 (engine starts) 147 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,341 You got the first one. 148 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,884 -How much do I owe you? -Nothing. 149 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,552 -Ten dollars for the tow. -(engine backfires) 150 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,013 -(air hissing) -(metallic creaking) 151 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,518 What's that? Wh-What's that? 152 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,020 I don't know. 153 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,523 -(sparks popping) -(rattling) 154 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,617 I think you've got a third problem 155 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,702 we've never seen before. 156 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,454 (line ringing) 157 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,706 (girls chattering indistinctly) 158 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,836 MAN (over phone): Zak residence. 159 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,504 Romulus, this is Augie Steenbeck. 160 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,422 Good morning, Mr. Augie. The gate is open. 161 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,299 -No, we're not there. -You're not here? 162 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,135 -May I speak to Mr. Zak? -Yes, Mr. Augie. 163 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,806 -(gunfire) -(siren wailing) 164 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,608 (gunfire and siren continue in distance) 165 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,736 -You're not here? -We're not there. 166 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780 The car exploded. Come get the girls. 167 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,282 The car exploded? 168 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,826 Parts of the car exploded itself, yes. 169 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,661 -Come get the girls. -I'm not their chauffeur. 170 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,037 I'm their grandfather. 171 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,248 -Where are you? -Asteroid City. 172 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,292 Farm Route Six, mile 75. Come get the girls. 173 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835 I have to stay here with Woodrow. 174 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,169 What are you talking about? 175 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,463 The thing for Woodrow. We're there. 176 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,925 Hmm. 177 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,639 -Hello? -How'd they take it? 178 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,644 They didn't. 179 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:27,854 -No? -No. 180 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,439 -No. -Yes. 181 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,316 -You didn't tell them still? -I still didn't tell them. 182 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,651 -You promised. -I know. 183 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,864 The time is never right. 184 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,199 The time... 185 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,368 is always wrong. 186 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,254 Are you okay? 187 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,089 No. 188 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,803 You never liked me, did you? 189 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,848 I never loved you. I always thought that you... 190 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,767 You always thought I wasn't good enough for her. 191 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,061 Yes. We're saying the same thing. 192 00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,356 -Gas up the Cadillac. -Okay. 193 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,690 -Tell the kids. -I will. 194 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,943 I'll be there when I get there. 195 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,371 (sighs) 196 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,956 (camera clicks) 197 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,624 It's the end of that car. 198 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,584 Andromeda, check under the floor mats. Come on. 199 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,252 Pandora, check the side pockets. 200 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,254 Cassiopeia, check the cracks between the seats. 201 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,340 Take everything. What do you think, Woodrow? 202 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,258 I think it's kind of sad. 203 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,619 ♪ ♪ 204 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,209 (horn honks) 205 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,478 (air brakes hiss) 206 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,689 (engine stops) 207 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,735 Rest stop, 13 minutes. 208 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,033 -Head count. -CHILD: One. 209 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,451 -Two. -Three. -Four. 210 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,785 -Five. -Six. -Seven. -Eight. 211 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,287 -Nine. -Ten. -All present. 212 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,039 Let's give thanks for a safe journey. Billy? 213 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,623 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee kindly 214 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:53,958 for a terrific bus ride. 215 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,334 I ate three boxes of Cracker Jacks, 216 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,836 got a dog whistle and a miniature map 217 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,379 of the original 13 colonies. 218 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,381 Also, we saw a coyote get run over by a 14-wheeler 219 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,091 and left him flat as a pancake. 220 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,092 Boy, oh, boy. What else? 221 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,302 The bus driver had to stop twice 222 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,511 because Bernice couldn't hold it. 223 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,721 -Could so. -JUNE: Amen. 224 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,056 CHILDREN: Amen. 225 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,724 JUNE: Lunchtime. Line up single file. 226 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,435 ("Ida Red" by Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys playing) 227 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,021 My word. It's hot. 228 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,647 It's the desert. What'd you expect? 229 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,733 I don't know if I expected one thing or another, 230 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,610 but I'm wilting like a cut petunia. 231 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,403 -Humans don't wilt. -Don't they? 232 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,738 No, wilting is a phenomenon 233 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,698 by which a petal, leaf or stem... 234 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,325 Do you dare me? 235 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,827 -Dare you what? -To eat this hot pepper. 236 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,413 -It's an experiment. -No, don't do it. 237 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,918 Hot pepper. 238 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,795 Holy Toledo. That's Midge Campbell. 239 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,755 -Where? Who? -Right smack in back of you. 240 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,381 Don't look. 241 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,425 That must be her bodyguard. 242 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,636 Mr. Cho, yes? Hello. 243 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,930 You're in cabin seven. Well, tent seven. 244 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,973 Here's the key, but there's no door. 245 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,725 Just a flap. Tent flap. (snickers) 246 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,310 -Tent? -I know. 247 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,562 I upgraded the electrical system Tuesday morning. 248 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,314 Better lighting, power for the ice machine 249 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,816 and a wall-mounted bug zapper. 250 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,651 Unfortunately, a mistake got made, 251 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,194 and cabin seven burned to the ground. 252 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,445 It's a tent now. 253 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,863 We don't want to sleep in a tent. 254 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,281 Of course. I understand. 255 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,492 May I say, I think you'll find it very comfortable. 256 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,744 Is the young gentleman in distress? 257 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,954 He's thirsty. 258 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,497 Of course. I understand. 259 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,083 Uh, juice preference, please: apple, orange or tomato? 260 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,584 (banging) 261 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,419 Excuse me, sir? 262 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,922 This bucket of nuts just stole my quarter. 263 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,091 I beg your pardon. 264 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,634 -(switch clicks) -(coin clinking) 265 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,845 ♪ She lived so long till her head got bald ♪ 266 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,847 ♪ Taken a notion not to die at all ♪ 267 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,849 ♪ Ida Red, Ida Red ♪ 268 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,852 ♪ I'm a plumb fool about Ida Red... ♪ 269 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,314 AUGIE: You're probably wondering why 270 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,608 we didn't pack your mother's suitcase. 271 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:47,446 It's because she's not coming with us on this journey. 272 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,866 She can't come. 273 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,243 She got too sick. 274 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,620 And, to put it bluntly, after all the surgeries, 275 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,747 -therapies and interventions, -(dogs barking) 276 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,667 after two years of struggling and suffering, 277 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,128 she succumbed to her illnesses. 278 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,255 I'm sorry. 279 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,090 I didn't know how to tell you then. 280 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,134 I couldn't figure out how to tell you later. 281 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,927 I didn't know what to do. 282 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,471 The time was never right. 283 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,934 You're saying our mother died three weeks ago? 284 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,271 Yes. 285 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:23,274 When is she coming back? 286 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,359 She's not coming back. 287 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,820 Let's say she's in heaven. 288 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,947 Which doesn't exist for me, of course, 289 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,949 but you're Episcopalian. 290 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,077 Come here. Let me hug you. 291 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,419 Okay. Sit back down. 292 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,137 Did you know already, Woodrow? 293 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,225 I think so. 294 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,852 She'd been away so long. 295 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,103 WOODROW: Mm-hmm. 296 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,438 (inhales deeply) 297 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,607 (exhales): Yeah. 298 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,275 We're gonna be okay. 299 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,777 Your grandfather's on his way. 300 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,862 We're gonna stay with him for a period of time 301 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,740 which is yet to be determined how long it's gonna be. 302 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,077 Is she in there? 303 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,582 Yeah. 304 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,876 She's in the Tupperware. 305 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,711 (wind whistling) 306 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,588 Cremated. 307 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,637 Are we orphans now? 308 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,390 Huh? 309 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,977 Are we orphans now? 310 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,311 No. 311 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,939 Because I'm still alive. 312 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,566 (shuddering breaths) 313 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,736 When my father died, my mother told me, "He's in the stars." 314 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,156 I told her, "The closest star, other than that one, 315 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,908 "is four and half light-years away 316 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,577 with a surface temperature over 5,000 degrees centigrade." 317 00:17:58,577 --> 00:17:59,912 (scoffs) 318 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,580 "He's not in the stars," I said. 319 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,499 "He's in the ground." 320 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,251 She thought it would comfort me. 321 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,836 She was an atheist. 322 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,797 The other thing she'd say which is incorrect: 323 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,757 "Time heals all wounds." 324 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,259 No. 325 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,553 Maybe it can be a Band-Aid. 326 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,014 Your concept of time is completely distorted, though. 327 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,849 I don't think any of you except Woodrow 328 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,393 even understands what 15 minutes means. 329 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:26,272 15 minutes is 6,200 hours. 330 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,360 Exactly. 331 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,404 That's not your fault. 332 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,204 If you could have anything in the world to eat right now, 333 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,081 what would it be? 334 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,420 The character of Augie Steenbeck 335 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,589 in the imaginary tale of our production 336 00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:54,342 was to become famously and indelibly connected 337 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,552 to the actor who created the role, 338 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,055 a former carpenter discovered in a bit part 339 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,390 by the play's director, Schubert Green. 340 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,559 I've finished my correspondence, Analisse. 341 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,353 Please bring me my cocktail and my pill. 342 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,896 -Remember, the gentleman... -Oh, no. 343 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,272 ...referred by Mr. Green has arrived. 344 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,857 No. Send him away. 345 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,734 Put him up at the Salty Skipper or the Lighthouse Inn 346 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,527 and tell him to come back in the morning 347 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,737 but not before 11:00. 348 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,155 The occasion of the first meeting 349 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,491 between playwright and player is now, 350 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,076 in our fanciful telling, 351 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,661 a matter of theatrical lore and legend. 352 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,664 Setting: late autumn, late afternoon, 353 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,751 a seaside village outside the grand metropolis. 354 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,337 Oh, no, again. I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry. 355 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,048 Did Miss Watson not inform you? I'm indisposed. 356 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,300 I know, but the ice cream would've melted. 357 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,767 -What's this? -I think it's the one you like. 358 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,769 Gooseberry Wriggle from the Frosty Spoon 359 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,229 on East Rotterdam. 360 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,272 I wrapped it in sawdust, newspaper and peanut shells. 361 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,690 You shouldn't waste your spending money 362 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,109 on an old fool like me. 363 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,527 Well, they gave me ten dollars bus fare, 364 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,320 so I bought us a half bucket, hitchhiked 365 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,406 and pocketed the change. 366 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,746 Cool and delicious. 367 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,374 How long have you been in the service? 368 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,708 The service? What service? 369 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,210 I don't know what you're talking about. 370 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,837 Well, unless I've been deliberately misinformed, 371 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,713 I believe those stripes indicate the status 372 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,507 of a ranking corporal, second class. 373 00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,260 Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three in Bugle Boy Blows the Blues. 374 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,886 Was, anyway. We closed tonight. 375 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,431 I see. Property of the wardrobe department. 376 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,266 Not anymore. 377 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,978 How was it, by the way? 378 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,272 -The play? It stunk. -Mm. 379 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,441 -Mind if I crack open a window? -Uh, not at all. 380 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,817 It's sweltering, isn't it? 381 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,069 Even the daisies and buttercups are drooping... 382 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,030 That window sticks a bit. That window sticks a bit! 383 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,784 (birds chirping) 384 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,745 -(laughing) -You broke my window. 385 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,420 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 386 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,591 Well, I don't even know myself, to tell you the truth. 387 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,009 I hadn't planned it that way. 388 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,011 He just sort of did it while I was typing. 389 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,888 Is it too extraordinary for you? 390 00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:06,515 Uh, I guess, the way I read it, he was looking for an excuse 391 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,517 why his heart was beating so fast. 392 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,977 Oh. 393 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,521 Oh, what an interesting sentiment. 394 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,356 I love that idea. 395 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,816 Maybe he should say it. 396 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,485 It's a very good line. 397 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,032 No, I suppose not. Not necessary. 398 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,162 (button clicks) 399 00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:29,622 (record player whirring) 400 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,832 (door opens and closes) 401 00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:35,252 (Pachelbel's "Canon (Canon and Gigue in D Major)" playing) 402 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:49,016 It's a fact-- we're not alone. 403 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,726 The alien stole the asteroid. 404 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,269 Long thought to be a lunar splinter 405 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,604 fragmented from the lesser moon 406 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,023 of the hypothetical planet Magnavox-27, 407 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:58,234 now considered a rogue pygmy cometette, 408 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,736 according to the encyclopedia. 409 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,363 Obviously, she would've said something to him. 410 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,281 I'm certain of it. Your mother, I mean. 411 00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,825 She would've gotten him to tell us the secrets of the universe 412 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,078 or yelled at him or made him laugh. 413 00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:11,622 She would've had a hypothesis. 414 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:13,791 You remind me of her more than ever. 415 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,668 She wasn't shy. 416 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,670 You'll grow out of that. 417 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:21,340 I think your sisters might be aliens, too, by the way. 418 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,096 When I met your mother, she was only 19. 419 00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,348 She was smoking a cigarette, reading a paperback, 420 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,059 taking a bath in a swimsuit on a rusty fire escape 421 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:34,895 a flight and a half below my camera position. 422 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,815 Sometimes I sometimes still think 423 00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,734 I still hear her here 424 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,028 breathing in the dark. 425 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,326 Who knows, Woodrow? 426 00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,745 Maybe she is in the stars. 427 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,914 (music stops) 428 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,844 You're perfect. 429 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:12,975 (Pachelbel's "Canon (Canon and Gigue in D Major)" playing) 430 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,539 -Okay? -Okay. 431 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,678 (music fades) 432 00:23:49,678 --> 00:23:51,972 -(wind whistling) -(insects chirping) 433 00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:01,231 (roadrunner chitters) 434 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,154 -(bus door opens and closes) -(music playing quietly) 435 00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,199 -(bus engine starts) -MONTANA: Hold on, partner! 436 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,829 -Zut alors. -Oh, no. 437 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,834 When's the next one? 438 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,587 Sunday morning, I think. 439 00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:26,840 -(siren blaring) -(gunfire) 440 00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,555 (clears throat) 441 00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,433 Drink your juice. 442 00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,563 (clears throat) 443 00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:43,190 (camera clicks) 444 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,568 You took a picture of me. 445 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:48,654 Uh-huh. 446 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:50,906 Why? 447 00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:53,367 I'm a photographer. 448 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,494 You didn't ask permission. 449 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,163 -I never ask permission. -Why not? 450 00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:02,501 Because I work in trenches, battlefields and combat zones. 451 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,919 Really? 452 00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,295 Uh-huh. 453 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,840 You mean you're a war photographer? 454 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,757 Mostly. 455 00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:11,301 Sometimes I cover sporting events. 456 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:13,470 My name is Augie Steenbeck. 457 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,514 MIDGE: Mm-hmm. 458 00:25:16,557 --> 00:25:18,016 (slurping through straw) 459 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,852 What are you gonna do with it? 460 00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,437 That picture. 461 00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:24,690 Hmm. Well, if it's any good, I guess I'll try to sell it 462 00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,025 to a magazine, now that you mention it. 463 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:29,862 "Midge Campbell eating a waffle." 464 00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,534 Make me a print first, to approve. 465 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,328 Uh-huh. 466 00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,039 This is Dinah. 467 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,207 This is Woodrow. 468 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:43,542 DINAH: I have a question. 469 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:44,877 AUGIE: Uh-huh. 470 00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:46,879 Have you ever been shot with bullets? 471 00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:48,714 Have I ever been... 472 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,091 Uh, once or twice-- just grazed. 473 00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:54,303 He got shrapneled in the back of the head, too. Show her. 474 00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,308 MIDGE: Hmm. 475 00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:04,688 I don't say I forgive you yet, by the way. 476 00:26:15,991 --> 00:26:17,534 (microphone feedback squeals) 477 00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:19,912 Welcome from the United States Military-Science 478 00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:21,914 Research and Experimentation Division, 479 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,166 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation. 480 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,751 We salute you. 481 00:26:25,751 --> 00:26:27,961 (applause) 482 00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,763 Each year, we celebrate Asteroid Day, 483 00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:40,641 commemorating September 23, 3007 BC, 484 00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:44,019 when the Arid Plains Meteorite made Earth impact. 485 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,855 The itinerary for this three-day celebration 486 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:49,233 includes a tour of the newly refurbished observatory 487 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:51,860 with Dr. Hickenlooper and her staff, 488 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,321 a picnic supper of chili and frankfurters 489 00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:57,115 with evening fireworks display, 490 00:26:57,115 --> 00:26:59,201 the viewing of the astronomical ellipses 491 00:26:59,201 --> 00:27:01,620 at its peak just before midnight tonight, 492 00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,956 and finally, the awarding of the annual 493 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:08,085 Hickenlooper Scholarship after Monday's banquet lunch. 494 00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:10,504 Now, I'll start by presenting the commemorative medals, 495 00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:12,506 but first, I'll do my speech first, 496 00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:15,551 which you'll also receive in a folio edition as a souvenir. 497 00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:16,635 (clears throat) 498 00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:19,763 ♪ ♪ 499 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,308 -(amplified thumping) -(clears throat) 500 00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,436 Chapter One. 501 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,522 I walked to school 18 miles each morning, milked the goats, 502 00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,148 plucked the chickens, played hooky, caught fireflies, 503 00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:31,567 went skinny-dipping in the watering hole, 504 00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,068 said my prayers every night 505 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:34,820 and got whipped with a maple switch twice a week. 506 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,738 That was life. 507 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,950 Chapter Two. 508 00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:41,994 My father went off to fight in the war to end all wars-- 509 00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,495 it didn't-- and what was left of him 510 00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:45,581 came back in a pine box with a flag on top. 511 00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:47,499 End of Chapter Two. 512 00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:49,501 Next, I went to officer school, 513 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,962 and 20 years passed at the speed of a dream. 514 00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:55,173 A wife, a son, a daughter, a poodle. 515 00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,259 Chapter Three. Another war. 516 00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,386 Arms and legs blown off like popcorn, 517 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:02,180 eyeballs gouged out, figuratively and literally. 518 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:04,266 The men put on shows under the palm fronds 519 00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:05,851 dressed as women in hula skirts. 520 00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,561 That was life. 521 00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:09,938 In the meantime, somebody else's story. 522 00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:11,481 A man thinks up a number, 523 00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,442 divides it by a trillion, plugs it into the square root 524 00:28:13,442 --> 00:28:14,943 of the circumference of the Earth 525 00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:16,778 multiplied by the speed of a splitting atom, 526 00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,488 and voilà, progress. 527 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,490 I'm not a scientist. You are. 528 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,367 End of Chapter Three. 529 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:25,037 Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets, 530 00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:27,372 we watch transfixed as you enter 531 00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:30,667 into uncharted territories of the brains and spirit. 532 00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:33,879 If you wanted to live a nice, quiet, peaceful life, 533 00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,423 you picked the wrong time to get born. 534 00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,509 That's my speech. 535 00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,264 (scattered applause) 536 00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:50,354 Be notified, you are each the guardian of your own safety. 537 00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:51,772 Maintain alert caution 538 00:28:51,772 --> 00:28:54,191 throughout the following demonstrations. 539 00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:56,902 To Ricky Cho, for his work in the field 540 00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:58,487 of aeronautical induction: 541 00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:01,073 the Collapsing Star Ribbon of Success. 542 00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,492 To Clifford Kellogg, for his work in the study 543 00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:06,453 of particle disintegration: 544 00:29:06,453 --> 00:29:08,413 the Black Hole Badge of Triumph. 545 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:09,957 To Dinah Campbell... 546 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,625 It's fueled by cosmic radiation instead of sunlight. 547 00:29:11,625 --> 00:29:13,335 GIBSON: ...for her work in the area 548 00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:15,379 of botanical acceleration... 549 00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:18,298 Unfortunately, it makes all vegetables toxic. 550 00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:20,801 GIBSON: ...the Red Giant Sash of Honor. 551 00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:22,302 To Shelly Borden, for her work 552 00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:23,887 in the realm of mineral fabrication... 553 00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:25,889 I synthesized an extraterrestrial element. 554 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,558 It's going to be added to the periodic table next year. 555 00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:31,186 GIBSON: ...the Distant Nebula Laurel Crown. 556 00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:33,689 To Woodrow Steenbeck... 557 00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:38,110 ...for his work in the sphere of astronomical imaging... 558 00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,950 It may have applications in the development 559 00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:46,785 of interstellar advertising. 560 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,454 GIBSON: ...the White Dwarf Medal of Achievement. 561 00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:51,665 (applause) 562 00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:55,961 Our tour ends here. 563 00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:57,671 Thank you for your attention, and thank you 564 00:29:57,671 --> 00:30:00,382 to the Larkings Foundation for their generous funding. 565 00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:02,592 (crowd murmuring) 566 00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:06,888 (device beeping softly) 567 00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,182 -What do those pulses indicate? -What? 568 00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:11,059 Oh, the beeps and blips? We don't know. 569 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,729 Indecipherable radio emissions from outer space. 570 00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:15,981 -Probably a red herring. -Does it change ever? 571 00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:17,733 Not to my knowledge. 572 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:20,152 -It's a date, maybe. -It's a date? 573 00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:21,862 -On the galactic calendar. -Maybe. 574 00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:24,156 Mary, we think it's a date on the galactic calendar. 575 00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:26,324 -MARY: What? Wow. -Is it always today? 576 00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:28,201 (beeping continues) 577 00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,203 ♪ Yippee-yay ♪ 578 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:34,124 ♪ There'll be no wedding bells for today ♪ 579 00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:37,919 ♪ I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle... ♪ 580 00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,337 BILLY: We thank thee for the ketchup, 581 00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:40,672 and we thank thee for the mustard. 582 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:41,798 We thank thee for the relish, 583 00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,592 and we thank thee for the onions. 584 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:45,635 -We thank thee for the pickles, and we thank... -Head count. 585 00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:46,762 -One. -Two. 586 00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:48,013 -Three. -Four. 587 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:49,514 -Five. -Six. 588 00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:51,224 -Dwight? Where's Dwight? -Eight. 589 00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:53,810 -Dwight? Dwight? -J.J.: Less than 0.0000% chance exists 590 00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:56,021 -of extraterrestrial life in the entire universe. -Dwight! 591 00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:57,481 It's a scientific fact. 592 00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,274 Other than space bugs and microscopic worms. 593 00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:00,942 -I assertively disagree. -So do I. 594 00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,070 -It's not a scientific fact. -It's not even a number. 595 00:31:03,070 --> 00:31:04,863 -Pass the pickles, please. -How's the chili? 596 00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,656 -Fine, once you add the hot sauce. -Thank you. 597 00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,116 -MAN: Sparkler? -Consider the constants: 598 00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,701 endless space and immeasurable time. 599 00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,037 The likelihood is increased by a factor of infinity. 600 00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:14,164 -Where'd you get that? -The cantina machine. 601 00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:17,042 -Where's the cantina machine? -SANDY: The cantina machine? 602 00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:20,378 Can you see anything with those on your face? 603 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:21,797 Hmm. 604 00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,965 Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you... 605 00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:25,509 What did you do to deserve that? 606 00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:26,968 -Nothing. -Who hit you? 607 00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,220 Nobody. 608 00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,597 It's greasepaint, to feel like my character. 609 00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:33,225 Oh. How does she get a black eye? 610 00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:34,351 In the story. 611 00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:35,811 Well, she doesn't in the story. 612 00:31:35,811 --> 00:31:37,646 -It's on the inside. -Okay. 613 00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,731 -It's supposed to be, anyway. -It's on the inside. All right. 614 00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:41,399 EXECUTIVE: The Larkings Foundation claims permanent, 615 00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:42,984 -incontestable rights. -That's right. 616 00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,694 -They're ours. We own them. -Incontestable rights 617 00:31:44,694 --> 00:31:46,238 to all patents or inventions derived 618 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,906 from any and every submission, without exception. 619 00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:49,574 Not for teenagers. Read the fine print. 620 00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:51,326 The projects all belong to Uncle Sam. 621 00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:53,078 -(food crunching) -(dishes clinking) 622 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:54,955 I call it "Triple Orbit and Return 623 00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:57,499 without Burning Up in the Atmosphere." 624 00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:08,176 Why are you sitting there all by yourself? 625 00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:10,345 -You. -Hmm? 626 00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,014 Uh, are you shy? 627 00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:15,016 I'm a late bloomer. 628 00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,810 So I've been told by my parents. 629 00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:19,729 -Are you intimidated by us? -No. 630 00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,023 Let's do a personality test. What's your name again? 631 00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:23,692 Woodrow L. Steenbeck. 632 00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:25,235 -Hmm. -What's the "L" for? 633 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:27,612 -WOODROW: Lindbergh. -Everybody look at Woodrow. 634 00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:34,828 I agree. Shy but not intimidated. 635 00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,705 Move over here, Woodrow. 636 00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,136 -Brainiac, huh? -Yeah, brainiac. 637 00:32:51,136 --> 00:32:52,929 It sort of goes without saying, doesn't it? 638 00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:55,390 Everybody already knows we're abnormally intelligent. 639 00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:57,726 That's true. My mother made it for me. 640 00:32:57,726 --> 00:33:00,228 It's supposed to be funny, according to her sense of humor, 641 00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,522 but it's not as hilarious as it was originally. 642 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,024 Oh, really? How come? 643 00:33:04,024 --> 00:33:07,485 Because she was alive then. Now she's dead. 644 00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:09,654 -Oh. -Ha-ha. 645 00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,242 What was she like? 646 00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:16,494 My... Oh, my mother? 647 00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,955 She was, um... 648 00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:25,378 ...like this. 649 00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:35,722 When did you lose her? 650 00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:41,102 Officially, this morning, but I think I already knew. 651 00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:43,021 CLIFFORD: Howdy. 652 00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:44,564 DINAH: What are you doing up there? 653 00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:46,900 Just enjoying the desert air. 654 00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,860 -You dare me? -DINAH: Dare you what? 655 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,946 CLIFFORD: To jump off this bungalow. 656 00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:53,907 -It's an experiment. -No. 657 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,790 I love gravity. 658 00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:04,876 It might be my favorite law of physics at the moment. 659 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,964 HOST: Players of the stage, 660 00:34:08,964 --> 00:34:11,633 a tribe of troubadours and nonconformists. 661 00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,970 They lead unconventional, sometimes dangerous lives 662 00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:18,223 which nourish and elevate their artistic aspirations 663 00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:20,517 and illuminate the human condition. 664 00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:22,477 Next: ten weeks later, 665 00:34:22,477 --> 00:34:25,438 the eve of Asteroid City's first public preview. 666 00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:28,108 A drawing room on board the Apache Plainsliner 667 00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:30,151 bound for the California coast. 668 00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:32,529 -(knock at door) -It's open. 669 00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,866 Schubert says you got to come back. 670 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,619 If I'm so important, why isn't he here himself? 671 00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,705 Probably too busy. Too busy to go chasing after you. 672 00:34:41,705 --> 00:34:43,331 They sent me. You know who I am? 673 00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:44,916 I think so. Understudy. 674 00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:48,044 The understudy. That's right. Let me just, uh... 675 00:34:48,044 --> 00:34:49,504 (breathing heavily) 676 00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:51,589 He said, if you're crying, I read you this one. 677 00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:52,966 No, that's not it. Here it is. 678 00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:54,926 If you're hopping mad, I read you this one. 679 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:56,011 Give me both. 680 00:34:56,011 --> 00:34:57,595 Not what he said. He said, if... 681 00:34:57,595 --> 00:34:59,180 Give me both. 682 00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:06,938 "Tell her she's a stuck-up, low-class snob 683 00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:08,606 "but she's got no good reason to be. 684 00:35:08,606 --> 00:35:10,400 "If she sasses you, sass her back. 685 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,818 "Tell her she's a borderline neurotic 686 00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:12,902 with an Achilles heel complex." 687 00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:14,946 That's the second one. 688 00:35:17,282 --> 00:35:19,534 "Tell her she relies on her beauty like a wobbly crutch. 689 00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:20,827 "It's her deepest weakness. 690 00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,120 "Tell her she's got the potential 691 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,705 "for genuine greatness, but I say 692 00:35:23,705 --> 00:35:26,708 with absolute certainty she will never achieve it." 693 00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:28,376 Anything else? 694 00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,714 Uh-huh. He said, if you're cool and collected, 695 00:35:32,714 --> 00:35:34,424 which I think is what I think you seem to be, 696 00:35:34,424 --> 00:35:36,593 then that means you probably really don't want to come back 697 00:35:36,593 --> 00:35:37,886 and I got to give you this. 698 00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,679 -Read it. -Not what he said. 699 00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:41,890 He said this one's private. Just the two of you. 700 00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:44,559 He said that... He-he said... 701 00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,067 "Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted 702 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,152 "and called you a spoiled bitch and a minor talent 703 00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:56,321 "and broke your glasses and threw them out the window. 704 00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:57,906 "Given that I have always considered you 705 00:35:57,906 --> 00:35:59,574 "to be the most consummately gifted living actress 706 00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,576 "and a person of great intelligence and character, 707 00:36:01,576 --> 00:36:03,161 "these statements and actions 708 00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:05,330 "do not accurately reflect my true feelings. 709 00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:06,956 "Yes, I may be a manipulative snake, 710 00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:08,750 "as you once characterized me behind my back-- 711 00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:11,628 "you see, I do have my sources-- but I love you like a sister, 712 00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:13,922 "other than that one time in the bathroom the day we met, 713 00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:16,674 "which has never been repeated, as we both know. 714 00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:23,264 "I never meant to hurt you 715 00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,517 "or insult you or offend you in any way, 716 00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:28,269 "only to try with the few tools I have at my disposal 717 00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:31,064 "to do my job, which is to make it work. 718 00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:32,399 "Forgive me. 719 00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:34,275 "We open tomorrow night, with or without you. 720 00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:36,694 "Without, our entire devoted company 721 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,239 "will suffer complete disaster and tragic calamity, 722 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,409 "as will a brilliant, fragile genius named Conrad Earp. 723 00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:45,537 "With, you will enjoy the triumph of your career, 724 00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:47,914 "which does not matter in the least. 725 00:36:47,914 --> 00:36:51,626 "All that matters is every second of life onstage 726 00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:53,211 "and our friendship. 727 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,629 "Your servant, your director 728 00:36:54,629 --> 00:36:57,382 "and, if I may, your devoted mentor, 729 00:36:57,382 --> 00:36:59,134 Schubert Green." 730 00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:03,763 (train whistle blowing) 731 00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:07,934 What's your name, understudy? 732 00:37:07,934 --> 00:37:09,436 (thunder crashes) 733 00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,105 HOST: They continued through the night as far as Ohio, 734 00:37:12,105 --> 00:37:14,649 then disembarked and caught the return flight 735 00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:17,652 arriving two hours prior to curtain. 736 00:37:17,652 --> 00:37:20,780 The talented understudy immediately replaced 737 00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:23,158 the original Woodrow. 738 00:37:24,033 --> 00:37:25,410 J.J.: I strongly question 739 00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:26,911 whether your daughter's Silly Putty 740 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,538 resembles anything from outer space. 741 00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,582 -It's not Silly Putty. -I'm sorry, but I doubt it. 742 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:31,916 It's called S'morestozium. 743 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,376 -This is excellent. -Thank you. 744 00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:35,003 It's really all the machine's doing. 745 00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:37,130 What the devil do you know about astrogeology anyway, 746 00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:38,756 J.J., whatever that stands for? 747 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:40,008 I just maintain the workings. 748 00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,676 Shelly's thesis is supported by... 749 00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,052 Flimsy, outdated evidence. 750 00:37:43,052 --> 00:37:44,679 -I beg your pardon? -Not in my opinion. 751 00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:46,431 I liked the Silly Putty or S'morestozium, in fact. 752 00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,724 I'm just quoting what he said. 753 00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:49,017 Your son's project might very well 754 00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,518 have killed us all today, by the way. 755 00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:52,145 Coming from the family that brought us 756 00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:53,605 -the electromagnetic death ray. -It's a weapon. 757 00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,732 -Of course it's lethal. -So you admit it. 758 00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,525 Not to mention Brainiac's flag. 759 00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:59,444 I mean, is he trying to provoke World War Three or something? 760 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:01,112 The jet propulsion belt is eminently safe. 761 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:02,906 I'd allow an eight-year-old boy to operate it. 762 00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:04,824 In fact, I did-- Ricky's cousin Chip-- 763 00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:08,036 and he broke the solo flight altitude record. 764 00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:09,787 They're strange, aren't they? 765 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,664 Your children, compared to normal people. 766 00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,124 -Yes. -That's correct. 767 00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,084 -It's true. -Hmm. 768 00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:16,794 DINAH: After that, the second person 769 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:18,796 says the name the first one said, then adds another. 770 00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:20,548 Then the third person says both plus a new name. 771 00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:22,967 And then the next person keeps going, and so on in a circle. 772 00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:24,177 It's a memory game. Get it? 773 00:38:24,177 --> 00:38:25,470 I'll start. Cleopatra. 774 00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:27,263 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose. 775 00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:28,431 -Like that? -Exactly. 776 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:29,933 -Of course. Yes. -SHELLY: Got it. 777 00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:32,310 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 778 00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:34,604 -Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. -(thunder crashes) 779 00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,356 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 780 00:38:36,356 --> 00:38:39,609 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus. 781 00:38:39,609 --> 00:38:41,236 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 782 00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:44,864 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, uh, Kurt Gödel. 783 00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,032 Oh, the Vienna Circle. 784 00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:48,284 -The Austrian logician. -Correct. 785 00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,870 Cleopatra, 786 00:38:50,870 --> 00:38:52,872 Jagadish Chandra Bose, 787 00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:54,874 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 788 00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:56,876 Paracelsus, 789 00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:58,545 Kurt Gödel, 790 00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:00,255 -William Bragg. -CLIFFORD: Which one? 791 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,006 -RICKY: There's two. -William Henry Bragg. 792 00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,050 -CLIFFORD: I prefer the son. -SHELLY: The father's better. 793 00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:06,553 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 794 00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:08,429 -Antonie van... -OTHERS: Leeuwenhoek. 795 00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:11,099 Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, 796 00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:12,433 William Henry Bragg. 797 00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,519 -And the new one. -Lord Kelvin. 798 00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:16,563 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 799 00:39:16,563 --> 00:39:18,856 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, 800 00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,776 William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin... 801 00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:23,653 Midge Campbell. Can I say her? 802 00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,863 As long as she's a real person, you can say anybody you like. 803 00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:27,448 CLIFFORD: Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose... 804 00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:29,117 -Including my mother. -SHELLY: She's my idol. 805 00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:31,369 My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 806 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:33,871 Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, William Bragg, the father, 807 00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:35,540 Lord Kelvin, the mathematical physicist, 808 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,625 Midge Campbell, your mother, 809 00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:40,044 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, the rocket scientist. 810 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,921 I don't know if this game works with us. 811 00:39:41,921 --> 00:39:43,381 Uh, brainiacs, I mean. 812 00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,591 I-I think it might go on forever. 813 00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:45,800 SHELLY: I don't mind. 814 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,176 In my school, nobody'd play 815 00:39:47,176 --> 00:39:48,970 this game with me in a million years. 816 00:39:48,970 --> 00:39:50,513 Plus, the names would be too obvious. 817 00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:51,973 I know my next one: Diophantus. 818 00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:53,474 Wait until it's time to say it. 819 00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:55,560 Try it backwards, Brainiac. 820 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,395 Say the new one first. 821 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,733 Hojo Tokiyuki, 822 00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,818 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, 823 00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:05,987 Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin, 824 00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:08,531 William Henry Bragg, Kurt Gödel, 825 00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,908 Paracelsus, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 826 00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:13,202 Jagadish Chandra Bose... 827 00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,748 Cleopatra. 828 00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:21,169 (insects chirping) 829 00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,091 (thunder crashes) 830 00:40:30,178 --> 00:40:33,181 Put out that cigarette, Dwight. 831 00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,641 Oh, hold on. Hold on. 832 00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:36,768 You men should be ashamed of yourselves. Are you? 833 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,478 Yes, ma'am, but we didn't give him that. 834 00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:39,729 -Didn't you? -That cigarette. 835 00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,230 He just must have got it his own self 836 00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:43,024 -from the cigarette machine. -Dwight! 837 00:40:43,024 --> 00:40:45,234 (animal howling in distance) 838 00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:48,613 I almost believe you. 839 00:40:48,613 --> 00:40:50,406 Let's go. 840 00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:54,452 -So long, Dwight. 841 00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:57,121 (playing upbeat tune) 842 00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,931 MIDGE: Was I ever there? 843 00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,600 Was I ever there? 844 00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:21,437 Was I... ever there? 845 00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,610 Memorizing my lines. 846 00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,487 Uh-huh. 847 00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:34,992 Approved. 848 00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:42,417 ("Cowboy's Lament" by Burl Ives playing) 849 00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:48,297 ♪ As I walked out in the streets of Laredo ♪ 850 00:41:48,297 --> 00:41:52,760 ♪ As I walked out in Laredo one day ♪ 851 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,929 ♪ I spied a young cowboy... ♪ 852 00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:57,682 I do a nude scene. You want to see it? 853 00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,853 -Huh? Did I say yes? -You didn't say anything. 854 00:42:01,853 --> 00:42:03,980 Uh, I meant yes. My mouth... my mouth didn't speak. 855 00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:05,356 It's a monologue. 856 00:42:05,356 --> 00:42:07,442 Pretend it starts when I step out of the shower. 857 00:42:07,442 --> 00:42:09,652 ♪ That you are a cowboy ♪ 858 00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:11,487 ♪ These words he did say ♪ 859 00:42:11,487 --> 00:42:14,574 -(knob squeaks, water runs) -♪ As I boldly walked by ♪ 860 00:42:14,574 --> 00:42:19,245 ♪ Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story ♪ 861 00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:24,125 ♪ I'm shot in the breast and I know I must die... ♪ 862 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:28,463 When you first picked me out of the secretarial pool, 863 00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:30,798 I had $111 in my bank account. 864 00:42:30,798 --> 00:42:32,633 I lived alone with a cat and a parakeet 865 00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,177 in a one-room dishwater flat. 866 00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,387 I sold the DeSoto to lend you the down payment 867 00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,889 for my engagement ring. 868 00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,223 It was spring. 869 00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:40,850 I'm not sore. 870 00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:42,977 I know you're a good man. 871 00:42:42,977 --> 00:42:44,437 I'm not sorry. 872 00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:46,481 I never deceived you. 873 00:42:46,481 --> 00:42:48,983 Remember me as a blur in the rearview mirror. 874 00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,818 Was I ever there? 875 00:42:50,818 --> 00:42:52,904 Did you actually see me? 876 00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,866 I can't even see myself anymore. 877 00:42:59,118 --> 00:43:01,537 But here I am. 878 00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:07,293 Let's get divorced. 879 00:43:10,004 --> 00:43:11,714 It'll be done tastefully, of course. 880 00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,383 We cut to the back of my legs when the towel falls down. 881 00:43:14,383 --> 00:43:16,677 (Augie mumbling) 882 00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:18,763 Sometimes they sometimes do a stunt double. 883 00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,640 MIDGE: Sometimes. 884 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,850 I don't know if I like beards, by the way. 885 00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:24,185 AUGIE: Oh. 886 00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:25,895 Can I take another picture? 887 00:43:25,895 --> 00:43:27,647 Not for publication. 888 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,274 I thought you never ask permission. 889 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,280 Don't move. 890 00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:39,534 (camera clicks) 891 00:43:44,497 --> 00:43:46,457 I prefer to play abused, tragic alcoholics, 892 00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:48,584 and one day, I'll probably be discovered lifeless 893 00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:50,461 in an overflowing bathtub with an empty bottle 894 00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:53,256 of sleeping pills spilled all over the floor, but... 895 00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:57,468 the sad thing is I'm actually a very gifted comedienne. 896 00:43:57,468 --> 00:43:59,595 -That's true. -Are you married? 897 00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:02,390 I'm a widower, but don't tell my kids. 898 00:44:02,390 --> 00:44:04,016 -Why not? -I-I... 899 00:44:04,016 --> 00:44:05,977 -I mean, I wasn't going to. -All right. Okay. 900 00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,728 -Yeah. (mumbles) -Oh. I'm sorry. 901 00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:11,941 Thank you. They do know, by the way, but just barely. 902 00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:19,448 (footsteps approaching) 903 00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,659 What do you swap for 904 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,703 out of this particular jukebox, mister? 905 00:44:23,703 --> 00:44:25,371 Of course. I understand. 906 00:44:25,371 --> 00:44:27,039 This machine sells land. 907 00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:28,666 -Land, you say? -Yes, indeed. 908 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,501 The properties just beyond these cottages, in fact. 909 00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,044 Out of this here soda pop machine? 910 00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:33,504 Yes, indeed. 911 00:44:35,172 --> 00:44:37,258 Well, now, I ain't calling you a liar to your face, 912 00:44:37,258 --> 00:44:39,343 but that sounds to me like some kind of toadswindle. 913 00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,304 Of course. I understand. It's not a toadswindle. 914 00:44:41,304 --> 00:44:42,889 You put in the money, you receive 915 00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:44,599 a notarized deed to the land. 916 00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,183 How big a spread? 917 00:44:46,183 --> 00:44:47,602 For ten dollars in quarters, 918 00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:50,229 approximately half a tennis court. 919 00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,697 Put the potion in it. 920 00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,241 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo. 921 00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:05,244 Knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 922 00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:11,584 And with this spell, Mama comes back alive! 923 00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:14,295 God save these bones. 924 00:45:14,295 --> 00:45:15,713 (car door opens) 925 00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:20,051 ("Freight Train" by The Charles McDevitt Skiffle Group playing) 926 00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,929 What's in the Tupperware? 927 00:45:22,929 --> 00:45:24,639 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 928 00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:27,600 ♪ Going so fast... ♪ 929 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,019 He finally told you. 930 00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:33,648 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 931 00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:37,944 ♪ Won't you tell me where's he gone... ♪ 932 00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:43,240 Who's this old man? 933 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:44,951 Poppy, I think. 934 00:45:44,951 --> 00:45:46,577 You don't remember me. 935 00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:48,746 I remember his smell. 936 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,790 (sniffs) 937 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,964 We're not going to abandon my daughter 938 00:45:57,964 --> 00:45:59,840 at a motel in the middle of the desert 939 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,969 buried next to the communal showers. 940 00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,347 -You're ruining the funeral! -He's making her go to hell! 941 00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:09,934 If you torture us, we'll sacrifice you. 942 00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:11,519 I understand. 943 00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:14,981 Thank you for your clarity. 944 00:46:14,981 --> 00:46:17,233 I'll tell you what-- let's leave her 945 00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:19,193 alone in the ground until tomorrow morning. 946 00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:20,820 Then we'll exhume the Tupperware, 947 00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:22,738 bring her with us in the Cadillac 948 00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:25,032 and bury her again this weekend in the backyard 949 00:46:25,032 --> 00:46:26,742 next to the seventh hole at Rancho Palms, 950 00:46:26,742 --> 00:46:28,995 where I live in a beautiful house with a swimming pool. 951 00:46:28,995 --> 00:46:30,287 Agreed? 952 00:46:30,287 --> 00:46:32,248 -Mm-hmm. -Okay. 953 00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,543 Let's hope a coyote doesn't dig her up in the meantime. 954 00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,420 Nothing we can do about it anyway. 955 00:46:37,420 --> 00:46:38,963 (firecrackers crackle and pop) 956 00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:41,215 Ooh. Look at that. 957 00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:52,143 (insects chirping) 958 00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:54,311 (owl hooting) 959 00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:58,274 Tonight, you're in for a real treat. 960 00:46:58,274 --> 00:47:00,234 I don't know how many of you ever observed 961 00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:02,028 an astronomical ellipses before. 962 00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:04,864 In fact, can we get a show of hands? 963 00:47:05,865 --> 00:47:07,283 Nobody? 964 00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:09,160 Wow. Okay. 965 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,997 Well, what you're gonna see is a very simple dot-dot-dot: 966 00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,666 three pinpoints of light inside your refracting box, 967 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,002 which may not sound very exciting at first, 968 00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:19,503 until you consider how those dots 969 00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:20,880 managed to transmit themselves 970 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,798 across a thousand billion miles of space 971 00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:25,885 onto that little scrap of black cardboard. 972 00:47:25,885 --> 00:47:27,595 Twice every 57 years, 973 00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:29,430 when the Earth, the sun, the moon 974 00:47:29,430 --> 00:47:31,098 and the galactic plane of the Milky Way 975 00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:34,018 all combobulate along the same angle of orbital interest, 976 00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:37,563 the radiant energy of three neighboring stellar systems 977 00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:39,356 induces a parallel ecliptic transit, 978 00:47:39,356 --> 00:47:41,192 thus all but proving 979 00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:43,569 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation. 980 00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:46,530 The hitch, of course, is that the math doesn't work. 981 00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:48,240 But maybe one of you one day 982 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:50,493 will be the genius who solves that problem. 983 00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:53,537 The event will begin in 30 seconds. 984 00:47:53,537 --> 00:47:55,706 Remember, if you look directly at the ellipses 985 00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:57,333 rather than through your refracting box, 986 00:47:57,333 --> 00:47:59,210 not only will you not actually see the effect 987 00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:00,711 but you will burn the dots 988 00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,588 straight into your retina, probably permanently. 989 00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:04,965 I know that for a fact, because they're still burned into mine 990 00:48:04,965 --> 00:48:06,926 from when I was 11 going on 12. 991 00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:09,553 That's when I realized I wanted to be an astronomer, 992 00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:10,846 which is another story. 993 00:48:10,846 --> 00:48:12,014 Here we go. 994 00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:14,183 ♪ ♪ 995 00:48:32,618 --> 00:48:34,745 ♪ ♪ 996 00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:39,959 WOODROW: There it is. 997 00:48:39,959 --> 00:48:41,585 (all oohing) 998 00:48:41,585 --> 00:48:43,254 DR. HICKENLOOPER: Uh, these are just such 999 00:48:43,254 --> 00:48:45,214 marvelously luminous colors, aren't they? 1000 00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:47,424 Very exciting. Does everybody see it? 1001 00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:49,885 BILLY: I don't. I just see a staple. 1002 00:48:53,889 --> 00:48:55,850 Yipe! It works. 1003 00:48:56,684 --> 00:48:58,310 MIDGE: Are you Shelly? 1004 00:48:58,310 --> 00:48:59,520 SHELLY: Yeah. 1005 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,981 MIDGE: I'm your idol. What's your rank? 1006 00:49:01,981 --> 00:49:04,024 Commanding secretary. 1007 00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:05,734 I was a Cookie Trooper myself. 1008 00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,194 Really? Wow. 1009 00:49:07,194 --> 00:49:09,822 What'll they say in Squad 75? 1010 00:49:13,367 --> 00:49:14,994 WOODROW: Hmm? 1011 00:49:16,704 --> 00:49:18,873 ♪ ♪ 1012 00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:47,860 ♪ ♪ 1013 00:50:08,214 --> 00:50:09,840 ♪ ♪ 1014 00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:28,400 ♪ ♪ 1015 00:50:53,133 --> 00:50:55,302 (low humming) 1016 00:50:56,804 --> 00:50:58,973 ♪ ♪ 1017 00:51:09,817 --> 00:51:11,944 ♪ ♪ 1018 00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:22,705 (camera clicks) 1019 00:51:29,545 --> 00:51:31,714 (clears throat) 1020 00:51:52,109 --> 00:51:54,278 ♪ ♪ 1021 00:51:56,655 --> 00:52:00,701 The, uh, alien stole the asteroid. 1022 00:52:03,329 --> 00:52:05,497 ♪ ♪ 1023 00:52:13,005 --> 00:52:14,715 (bell rings) 1024 00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:18,510 HOST: Schubert Green, born Shylock Grzworvszowski. 1025 00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:20,220 Director, immigrant. 1026 00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:24,350 Known for his limitless energy, his voracious enthusiasms-- 1027 00:52:24,350 --> 00:52:26,769 a well-known actress described him sexually 1028 00:52:26,769 --> 00:52:29,563 as an animal, specifically a rabbit-- 1029 00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:33,233 and his long, deep and intimate relationship 1030 00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:35,486 with success. 1031 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,488 What do you think, Lunky? 1032 00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:39,656 Good. 1033 00:52:39,656 --> 00:52:42,993 ("Rose Marie" by Slim Whitman playing) 1034 00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,538 I'm not going to ask what the hell's going on here. 1035 00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:49,917 His wife Polly left him for an all-star second baseman 1036 00:52:49,917 --> 00:52:52,586 during the first week of rehearsals. 1037 00:52:52,586 --> 00:52:54,546 My living quarters. 1038 00:52:54,546 --> 00:52:56,423 ♪ Oh, Rose ♪ 1039 00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:58,759 ♪ My Rose Marie... ♪ 1040 00:52:58,759 --> 00:53:00,260 Sign this. 1041 00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:02,096 Oh, no. 1042 00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:06,266 (sighs) It's Clark's report card. 1043 00:53:06,266 --> 00:53:08,435 Uh-huh. What'd you think it was? 1044 00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,854 I thought maybe we were already divorced. 1045 00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:12,106 Oh. 1046 00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:14,400 Not yet, but eventually. 1047 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,111 He made the honor roll again. 1048 00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:21,448 ♪ Oh, Rose Marie ♪ 1049 00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:24,827 ♪ I love you ♪ 1050 00:53:24,827 --> 00:53:28,038 ♪ I'm always dreaming... ♪ 1051 00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:30,499 (making rapid thumping sounds) 1052 00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:32,501 I'm staying at Diego's penthouse. 1053 00:53:32,501 --> 00:53:35,212 Clark's at my mother's. The apartment's empty. 1054 00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:36,880 Why don't you just go home? 1055 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,675 I don't think I should be alone in a building with real windows. 1056 00:53:39,675 --> 00:53:41,301 -(electrical crackling) -(music stops) 1057 00:53:41,301 --> 00:53:43,095 -(power whirring) -(music resumes) 1058 00:53:43,095 --> 00:53:45,139 Makeup cuts my hair and shaves me. 1059 00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:47,474 Costumes washes my dungarees. 1060 00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,853 This is where I belong, for now. 1061 00:53:50,853 --> 00:53:52,438 Much better. 1062 00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:54,606 -Did you do the green? -Hmm. 1063 00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,320 It's been a great ten years, Schubert. 1064 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,573 I don't regret a second of it. 1065 00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,992 Clark still loves you. 1066 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,077 I still love you. 1067 00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,912 But not like before? 1068 00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:12,040 But not like before. 1069 00:54:17,504 --> 00:54:20,090 (door opens and closes) 1070 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,092 HOST: Schubert Green lived in the scenic bay 1071 00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:23,510 of the Tarkington Theater 1072 00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:27,473 for all 785 performances of Asteroid City. 1073 00:54:27,473 --> 00:54:29,016 Dark nights, he stayed 1074 00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:31,643 in the Governor's Suite of the Nebraska Hotel. 1075 00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,562 -(door opens) -POLLY: One last note. 1076 00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:36,857 When Midge makes her exit in Act Three, Scene Five, 1077 00:54:36,857 --> 00:54:40,194 try having her say the line after she closes the door. 1078 00:54:40,194 --> 00:54:43,780 Hmm. Maybe we are doomed. 1079 00:54:43,780 --> 00:54:45,324 I will. 1080 00:54:45,324 --> 00:54:50,704 ♪ My Rose Marie. ♪ 1081 00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:52,289 POLLY: Goodbye. 1082 00:54:52,289 --> 00:54:54,500 (footsteps departing) 1083 00:54:57,836 --> 00:55:00,047 (song fades) 1084 00:55:06,678 --> 00:55:08,847 (birds calling) 1085 00:55:09,681 --> 00:55:11,433 (indistinct announcements) 1086 00:55:11,433 --> 00:55:13,602 -(siren blaring) -(aircraft passing overhead) 1087 00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,606 (indistinct chatter) 1088 00:55:31,620 --> 00:55:34,915 -(soft beeping) -(whistling, humming) 1089 00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,420 Here he comes. 1090 00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,382 I've just informed the president. 1091 00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,551 He authorized me to read and implement the provisions 1092 00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:47,761 of National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X. 1093 00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:49,471 Here I go. 1094 00:55:49,471 --> 00:55:51,098 "The following top secret directive 1095 00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:54,393 was mandated into law on July 1, 1950." 1096 00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:56,103 "In the event of unforeseen engagement 1097 00:55:56,103 --> 00:55:58,397 "with intelligent life-form or forms from any planet 1098 00:55:58,397 --> 00:56:00,274 "not specifically defined as our Earth, 1099 00:56:00,274 --> 00:56:02,609 "be advised to initiate the following protocols: 1100 00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:04,611 "One, confirm said life-form 1101 00:56:04,611 --> 00:56:06,280 "is not operating under the guidance 1102 00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:07,948 of any hostile foreign terrestrial government." 1103 00:56:07,948 --> 00:56:09,616 No, I don't think he's working for the Russians 1104 00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:11,201 or the Red Chinese, but you never know. 1105 00:56:11,201 --> 00:56:12,911 He certainly didn't give me that impression. 1106 00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:15,497 "Two, confirm the life-form does not intend to annex, 1107 00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:17,874 "colonize, vaporize or expropriate the resources 1108 00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:20,502 of the sovereign territories of the United States of America." 1109 00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:22,713 I doubt it. He took the asteroid and went. 1110 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,923 "Three, identify and detain all possible witnesses 1111 00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:26,341 "and place them under group arrest 1112 00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:28,010 "for a period of no less than one week-- 1113 00:56:28,010 --> 00:56:29,428 "defined as seven calendar days-- 1114 00:56:29,428 --> 00:56:30,971 "during which time they be subjected 1115 00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,931 "to a prescribed battery of medical and psychological 1116 00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:34,725 examinations and cross-examinations." 1117 00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:36,810 Standard procedure. Already in the works. 1118 00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:38,270 "Four, secure the site, 1119 00:56:38,270 --> 00:56:39,813 "cease the dissemination of information, 1120 00:56:39,813 --> 00:56:41,648 "collect and transport the totality of evidence 1121 00:56:41,648 --> 00:56:42,983 "to a hermetically enclosed, 1122 00:56:42,983 --> 00:56:44,401 "deep-underground secret storage facility 1123 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,403 "and publicly deny all aspects of the event, 1124 00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,488 "including its existence, for a period of no less than 1125 00:56:48,488 --> 00:56:51,366 100 years-- defined as 36,500 days." 1126 00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:53,035 End of directive. 1127 00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,453 -That's pretty clear. -Huh. 1128 00:56:54,453 --> 00:56:55,871 -What do we tell them? -Who? 1129 00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:57,080 The Junior Stargazers, 1130 00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,457 the Space Cadets, the moms and dads. 1131 00:56:58,457 --> 00:57:00,834 -Midge Campbell. -OTHERS: Midge Campbell. 1132 00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,586 Tell them it didn't happen? 1133 00:57:02,586 --> 00:57:04,129 (light laughter) 1134 00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:06,381 No, obviously, we'll have to formulate 1135 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,009 a suitable cover story. 1136 00:57:09,843 --> 00:57:11,345 (device clicking) 1137 00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:13,180 CLIFFORD: You dare me? 1138 00:57:13,180 --> 00:57:14,848 (machines beeping and whooshing) 1139 00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,434 -Dare you what? -To press that button. 1140 00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,854 I will break your neck. 1141 00:57:20,854 --> 00:57:22,439 SHELLY: That's an alien eating an apple. 1142 00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,774 That's an alien doing jumping jacks. 1143 00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,067 That's an alien in a top hat. 1144 00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:26,693 That's an alien climbing a ladder. 1145 00:57:26,693 --> 00:57:28,236 That's an alien on a racehorse. That's an alien... 1146 00:57:28,236 --> 00:57:29,863 DETECTIVE: Let's take it from the top. 1147 00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:32,616 I told you 50 times, the alien picked up the asteroid... 1148 00:57:32,616 --> 00:57:34,326 -Alleged alien. -I know what I saw! 1149 00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:35,911 -It's called a meteorite. -An extraterrestrial being. 1150 00:57:35,911 --> 00:57:37,579 This is a microfiche of your school newspaper. 1151 00:57:37,579 --> 00:57:39,331 Your byline accompanies an article criticizing 1152 00:57:39,331 --> 00:57:41,333 the principal's disciplinary methods. 1153 00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:43,669 -Who were your sources? -I was in the sixth grade. 1154 00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:45,879 -Just answer the question. -And I will not name names! 1155 00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:47,839 (clacking, electrical buzzing) 1156 00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:50,050 -(whirring) -(running footsteps) 1157 00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:51,718 -You dared me! -What did I say? 1158 00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:53,595 -What did I say? -You dared me! 1159 00:57:53,595 --> 00:57:56,932 ("Indian Love Call" by Slim Whitman playing) 1160 00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:02,270 (exhales sharply) 1161 00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,856 All right. Um... 1162 00:58:04,856 --> 00:58:08,193 ♪ When I'm calling you... ♪ 1163 00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:09,820 I'm going to attempt to proceed 1164 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,988 with the lesson plan I originally prepared. 1165 00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:14,074 Just to keep orderliness under the circumstances. 1166 00:58:14,074 --> 00:58:15,492 I expect that some... 1167 00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:17,160 some of our information about outer space 1168 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:18,787 may no longer be completely accurate, 1169 00:58:18,787 --> 00:58:21,415 but, anyway, there are still only nine planets 1170 00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,542 in the solar system, as far as we know. Billy? 1171 00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:25,544 Except now there's a alien. 1172 00:58:26,378 --> 00:58:28,547 True, by all appearances. 1173 00:58:28,547 --> 00:58:30,006 Nevertheless, Neptune: 1174 00:58:30,006 --> 00:58:31,591 Fourth largest planet by diameter, 1175 00:58:31,591 --> 00:58:34,511 Neptune orbits the sun only once every 165 years. 1176 00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:35,595 Bernice? 1177 00:58:35,595 --> 00:58:38,265 Maybe the alien went there. 1178 00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,267 Well, maybe. 1179 00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:42,018 I don't think anybody knows 1180 00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:44,229 where the alien went or came from. 1181 00:58:44,229 --> 00:58:45,689 Yes, Dwight? 1182 00:58:45,689 --> 00:58:47,441 At first, I thought the alien was kind of sneaky, 1183 00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:49,943 but now I think he was probably nervous to go to Earth. 1184 00:58:49,943 --> 00:58:51,945 He's never been here before, I bet you. 1185 00:58:51,945 --> 00:58:53,447 Then why'd he steal our asteroid, then, 1186 00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:54,781 if he's such a gentleman? 1187 00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:56,700 These are all reasonable questions, 1188 00:58:56,700 --> 00:58:58,785 but at this time, let's stick to Neptune 1189 00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,996 because I haven't had time to prepare any lesson plan 1190 00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:02,539 on this subject we're talking about. 1191 00:59:02,539 --> 00:59:03,874 The alien. 1192 00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:05,625 The alien, yes. 1193 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:09,379 And, by the way, I don't mean to evade your questions. 1194 00:59:09,379 --> 00:59:11,256 I want to emphasize that you're safe. 1195 00:59:11,256 --> 00:59:12,883 We all are, here on Earth. 1196 00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,510 Your parents have been notified of at least something. 1197 00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:18,388 -America remains at peace. -(footsteps approaching) 1198 00:59:18,388 --> 00:59:20,432 Yes, Montana? 1199 00:59:20,432 --> 00:59:23,643 I'd like to parley a notion myself, if I could, June. 1200 00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:25,771 Um... 1201 00:59:25,771 --> 00:59:27,481 Okay. 1202 00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:32,736 (sighs softly) 1203 00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:34,571 I figure this here alien come from a tribe 1204 00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,490 we don't know nothing 'bout, do we? 1205 00:59:36,490 --> 00:59:39,242 Anything we say'd just be pure speculation. 1206 00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:41,328 But I tell you what I reckon. 1207 00:59:41,328 --> 00:59:44,748 I reckon that alien don't mean no harm at all. 1208 00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:46,541 I reckon he just took hisself down here 1209 00:59:46,541 --> 00:59:49,503 to have a look-see at the land and the peoples on it. 1210 00:59:49,503 --> 00:59:51,838 In the spirit of exploration. 1211 00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:55,217 See, I don't look on a feller alien all suspicious-like. 1212 00:59:55,217 --> 00:59:57,135 No, he ain't American. 1213 00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:59,513 No, he ain't a creature of God's green Earth. 1214 00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:03,642 But he's a creature of somewheres, and so are we. 1215 01:00:03,642 --> 01:00:07,229 Now, let's show the old feller some hospitality, 1216 01:00:07,229 --> 01:00:09,523 and if he turns out to be a dirty dog-- 1217 01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,191 which I reckon he ain't-- 1218 01:00:11,191 --> 01:00:13,610 well, that'll be a job for the United States armed forces, 1219 01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:15,862 and they ain't never lost a war yet. 1220 01:00:18,114 --> 01:00:19,991 Thanky-do. 1221 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:23,703 I agree with Montana. 1222 01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:26,373 Now, Neptune. 1223 01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:30,293 (whirring softly) 1224 01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:32,921 ♪ Tell me, where do they go? ♪ 1225 01:00:32,921 --> 01:00:35,048 ("Smoke Rings" by Les Paul and Mary Ford playing softly) 1226 01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:36,550 ♪ The smoke rings... ♪ 1227 01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:38,343 Which way did he go? 1228 01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:41,763 Hmm. Well, I think he went from here 1229 01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:45,225 to here to here to... 1230 01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,560 I don't know where. 1231 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,436 My mother couldn't remember which was which, 1232 01:00:48,436 --> 01:00:50,230 so she made up her own constellations. 1233 01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:53,066 That one's the Coat Hanger. That one's the Leaky Faucet. 1234 01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,026 Over there's Fried Egg with Spatula. 1235 01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,779 My mother is a constellation, or-or at least part of one. 1236 01:00:57,779 --> 01:01:00,156 A Swiss scientist named a hypothetical star after her. 1237 01:01:00,156 --> 01:01:01,408 Really? What's it called? 1238 01:01:01,408 --> 01:01:02,868 Midge Campbell X-9 Major. 1239 01:01:02,868 --> 01:01:04,619 Midge Campbell X-9... I'm gonna look it up. 1240 01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:06,872 WOODROW: Is she interested in astronomy-- your mother? 1241 01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:09,040 Not exactly. She's interested in stardom. 1242 01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:10,834 I don't mean that as a criticism, by the way. 1243 01:01:10,834 --> 01:01:12,419 It's her job to be famous. 1244 01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,088 Anyway, I'm sick of her face, but I love her voice. 1245 01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:16,882 She should do more radio. 1246 01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:19,050 DR. HICKENLOOPER: I never had children. 1247 01:01:19,050 --> 01:01:22,012 Sometimes I wonder if I wish I should've. 1248 01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:24,598 I discovered a hypothetical star myself, by the way. 1249 01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:26,266 -Ooh. Where is it? -Which one? 1250 01:01:26,266 --> 01:01:29,352 Right there. Partly blocked by that burnt-out light bulb. 1251 01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:41,364 -(clicking, whirring) -Uh... 1252 01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:44,200 -What happened? -I don't know. 1253 01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:45,911 (beeping) 1254 01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:47,579 (alarm buzzing) 1255 01:01:47,579 --> 01:01:49,998 -(heads thump) -(beeping and buzzing stop) 1256 01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,170 -Oh. -Uh... 1257 01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:58,048 After you. 1258 01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:07,849 Sometimes I think I'd feel more at home 1259 01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:10,268 outside the Earth's atmosphere. 1260 01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:15,273 Oh, wow. 1261 01:02:15,273 --> 01:02:17,025 Me, too. 1262 01:02:18,443 --> 01:02:21,321 ("Sixteen Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford playing) 1263 01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,574 Did it come out? 1264 01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:28,370 ♪ Some people say a man... ♪ 1265 01:02:28,370 --> 01:02:29,913 -I mean the other one. -Oh. 1266 01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:33,249 ♪ A poor man's made out of muscle and blood ♪ 1267 01:02:33,249 --> 01:02:36,086 ♪ Muscle and blood and skin and bones ♪ 1268 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:40,006 ♪ A mind that's weak and a back that's strong... ♪ 1269 01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:42,217 Okay. 1270 01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,512 ♪ Another day older and deeper in debt ♪ 1271 01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:48,848 ♪ Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go ♪ 1272 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,266 You feel different? 1273 01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:53,228 ♪ I owe my soul to the company store... ♪ 1274 01:02:53,228 --> 01:02:55,438 Hey. You feel different? 1275 01:02:56,481 --> 01:02:58,942 I don't feel anything at all. 1276 01:02:58,942 --> 01:03:01,194 -Me, neither. -Hmm. 1277 01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,156 I'm not a good mother. 1278 01:03:05,156 --> 01:03:06,491 Uh-huh. 1279 01:03:06,491 --> 01:03:08,284 I love my daughter, but I'm not a good mother 1280 01:03:08,284 --> 01:03:10,537 because, unfortunately for her, she's not my first priority. 1281 01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:11,997 On account of there's always already 1282 01:03:11,997 --> 01:03:13,331 the thing I plan to do next. 1283 01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,875 I love my daughter, by the way. I-I... 1284 01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,627 I love all my children. 1285 01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:20,255 We have a magical time when we're together. 1286 01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:22,007 I have another girl and a boy. 1287 01:03:22,007 --> 01:03:23,967 They live with my second ex-husband in Utah. 1288 01:03:23,967 --> 01:03:26,052 -Uh-huh. -He rarely sees them, either. 1289 01:03:26,052 --> 01:03:28,304 -Mm-hmm. -I wish I felt guilty at least, 1290 01:03:28,304 --> 01:03:30,056 but I don't experience that emotion, 1291 01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:31,599 if I understand it correctly. 1292 01:03:31,599 --> 01:03:33,226 -Yes. (mumbles) -I've played it, of course. 1293 01:03:33,226 --> 01:03:34,894 So you're saying you never feel guilty in real life? 1294 01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,354 Not to my knowledge. 1295 01:03:36,354 --> 01:03:38,565 I think because of my history with violent men. 1296 01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:43,153 Starting with my father, brother and uncles. 1297 01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:47,157 There's always already the thing I plan to do next, too. 1298 01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:48,700 Usually, it's a war. 1299 01:03:48,700 --> 01:03:50,910 Nobody can compete with that, can they? 1300 01:03:50,910 --> 01:03:52,662 Probably not. 1301 01:03:52,662 --> 01:03:54,330 I did a USO tour once. 1302 01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:56,041 It was thrilling. 1303 01:03:56,999 --> 01:04:00,295 ♪ I owe my soul to the company store... ♪ 1304 01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:04,424 -I think I see how I see us. -Hmm? 1305 01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:07,469 I mean, I think I know now what I realize we are. 1306 01:04:07,469 --> 01:04:08,678 Okay. 1307 01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,263 Two catastrophically wounded people 1308 01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,266 who don't express the depths of their pain because... 1309 01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:14,642 we don't want to. 1310 01:04:14,642 --> 01:04:16,102 That's our connection. 1311 01:04:16,102 --> 01:04:18,146 Do you agree? 1312 01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:22,150 Uh-huh. 1313 01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:24,694 Let's, um... 1314 01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:27,989 Let's change the subject, shall we? 1315 01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:29,032 (knock at door) 1316 01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:30,492 It's open. 1317 01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,331 -Hello? -MIDGE: In here. 1318 01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:39,459 -(door closes) -(footsteps approaching) 1319 01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:41,127 Hello? Hello. 1320 01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:42,712 I'm just your neighbor, Stanley Zak. 1321 01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:44,547 I wanted to make sure you and your daughter 1322 01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,508 have everything you might need at the moment. 1323 01:04:46,508 --> 01:04:48,009 Thank you. I think so. 1324 01:04:48,009 --> 01:04:50,261 What a strange experience this is, isn't it? 1325 01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:52,806 I went to law school with your former agent, by the way. 1326 01:04:52,806 --> 01:04:54,641 -Mort? -Mort. Yes, Mort. 1327 01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:55,850 Oh. 1328 01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,895 That came out. 1329 01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:01,856 Yeah, it came out. All my pictures come out. 1330 01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:07,487 Anyway, as I say, we're just across the driveway, 1331 01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:10,240 as my son-in-law seems to have established. 1332 01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,617 Send my best wishes to Mort and his family. 1333 01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:14,035 I will, if and when we're permitted 1334 01:05:14,035 --> 01:05:15,578 contact with the outside world, 1335 01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:18,581 though I don't speak to him, to tell you the truth. 1336 01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,459 I love your hairdo like that. 1337 01:05:21,459 --> 01:05:23,294 Ugh, Christ. 1338 01:05:25,672 --> 01:05:27,549 MOTEL MANAGER: You see that wonderful crackly-patch 1339 01:05:27,549 --> 01:05:29,175 right out there between the dead cactuses 1340 01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:30,510 and the dried-up riverbed? 1341 01:05:30,510 --> 01:05:32,053 -I think so. -That's your parcel. 1342 01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:33,680 How much of it do I own? 1343 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,223 Well, it's actually an interesting 1344 01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:36,683 financial mechanism. 1345 01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:39,018 You don't technically own anything outright. 1346 01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:41,813 You own stock in the town in the form of a loan 1347 01:05:41,813 --> 01:05:43,148 with a 50-year maturity rate. 1348 01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:44,357 Then, at the end, the loan is forgiven. 1349 01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,692 -You dare me? -How about water? 1350 01:05:45,692 --> 01:05:47,152 MOTEL MANAGER: Of course. I understand. 1351 01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:49,112 There isn't any. This is a desert opportunity. 1352 01:05:49,112 --> 01:05:50,530 -You dare me? -I heard you. 1353 01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:52,157 -It's an experiment. -I don't care anymore. 1354 01:05:52,157 --> 01:05:54,367 I dare you or I don't dare you. It doesn't matter. 1355 01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:56,619 Do what you wish. I give up. 1356 01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:00,999 (J.J. sighs) 1357 01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,463 What's the cause? 1358 01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,965 What's the meaning? 1359 01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:11,634 Why do you always have to dare something? 1360 01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:17,307 I don't know. 1361 01:06:18,725 --> 01:06:22,395 Maybe it's because I'm afraid, 1362 01:06:22,395 --> 01:06:26,524 otherwise, nobody'll... 1363 01:06:26,524 --> 01:06:32,238 notice my existence 1364 01:06:32,238 --> 01:06:34,532 in the universe. 1365 01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,668 Dare you what? 1366 01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,713 Yes, dare you what? 1367 01:06:48,713 --> 01:06:50,423 To climb that cactus out there. 1368 01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:52,175 -Lord, no. No. -Please don't. 1369 01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:56,596 MIDGE: Hello. 1370 01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,306 Hello. Hello. 1371 01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:00,683 We met before. I'm the mother of that Cookie Trooper 1372 01:07:00,683 --> 01:07:02,435 -who idolizes you. -I know. 1373 01:07:02,435 --> 01:07:05,438 Thought you might not recognize me out of uniform. 1374 01:07:05,438 --> 01:07:07,065 You were very good in the one 1375 01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:08,858 about the tramp in the brothel who gets amnesia 1376 01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:10,526 -and becomes a pediatrician. -Thank you. Thank you. 1377 01:07:10,526 --> 01:07:12,153 -You were very authentic. -That's actually maybe 1378 01:07:12,153 --> 01:07:13,529 my favorite character I've ever played. 1379 01:07:13,529 --> 01:07:15,240 I don't know why nobody else liked it. 1380 01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:16,950 Oh. Yes. Me, neither. 1381 01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,701 Thank you. Some people liked it. 1382 01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:20,662 Oh, I'm sure. I did. 1383 01:07:20,662 --> 01:07:22,580 Who hit you? 1384 01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:29,087 Am I not in this? 1385 01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:33,258 Excuse me. I'm not in this. 1386 01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:34,801 Um, who hit you? 1387 01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:36,970 -It's on the other eye. -It's greasepaint. 1388 01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,638 Some people did-- do-- liked it. 1389 01:07:38,638 --> 01:07:40,306 Oh, I'm sure. 1390 01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:43,184 I thought it might have been your second ex-husband in Utah. 1391 01:07:43,184 --> 01:07:45,186 (knob squeaks, water stops) 1392 01:07:45,186 --> 01:07:47,397 (birds screeching) 1393 01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:57,532 If I sleep on a cot instead of the sofa bed, 1394 01:07:57,532 --> 01:07:59,117 that might leave room for me to set up 1395 01:07:59,117 --> 01:08:00,785 -a darkroom in the pool house. -(gunfire) 1396 01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:02,161 Is that possible as a compromise? 1397 01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:03,830 -It depends on the measurements. -(alarm blaring) 1398 01:08:03,830 --> 01:08:05,415 -It's not that big. -I can actually carpool the girls 1399 01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:07,583 to school by golf cart, you know. 1400 01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:09,085 If I cut across the 14th tee. 1401 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,628 AUGIE: Oh, it's that close to the elementary? 1402 01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:12,547 WOODROW: How can you two even think about this? 1403 01:08:12,547 --> 01:08:14,841 The world will never be the same. 1404 01:08:14,841 --> 01:08:17,051 What happens next? Nobody knows. 1405 01:08:17,051 --> 01:08:18,970 Will he visit us again? Will he speak to us? 1406 01:08:18,970 --> 01:08:21,097 What will he say? Why did he steal our asteroid? 1407 01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:23,474 Was it ours in the first place? Does he like us? 1408 01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:25,184 -Nobody knows. -That's true. 1409 01:08:25,184 --> 01:08:27,687 What's out there? Something. 1410 01:08:27,687 --> 01:08:29,981 The meaning of life. Maybe there is one. 1411 01:08:29,981 --> 01:08:33,026 I hope you're still Episcopalian. 1412 01:08:33,026 --> 01:08:35,486 You took his picture, Dad. 1413 01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:41,326 I'm a photographer. 1414 01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,707 WOODROW: Episcopalian? 1415 01:08:48,624 --> 01:08:50,918 (airplane engine buzzing) 1416 01:08:50,918 --> 01:08:53,921 ("The Cattle Call" by Eddy Arnold playing) 1417 01:08:53,921 --> 01:08:55,882 (gunfire) 1418 01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,633 AUGIE: You really want us, Stanley? 1419 01:08:57,633 --> 01:09:00,553 STANLEY: No, but you need me. 1420 01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:02,221 She did love me, you know. 1421 01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:03,890 Who says she didn't? 1422 01:09:03,890 --> 01:09:05,975 I've been on my own for 12 years, after all. 1423 01:09:05,975 --> 01:09:08,519 And remember, my wife drank herself to death. 1424 01:09:08,519 --> 01:09:12,065 "Drank herself to..." I don't know what that means. 1425 01:09:12,065 --> 01:09:15,568 In my loneliness-- or perhaps because of it-- 1426 01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:17,820 I've learned not to judge people, 1427 01:09:17,820 --> 01:09:21,366 to take people as I find them, not as others find them, 1428 01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:23,326 and most of all, to give complete 1429 01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:26,496 and unquestioning faith to the people I love. 1430 01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,915 I don't know if that includes you, 1431 01:09:28,915 --> 01:09:32,543 but it included my daughter and your four children, 1432 01:09:32,543 --> 01:09:34,128 so you're welcome to stay with me 1433 01:09:34,128 --> 01:09:36,672 for as long as you wish, whether I like it or not. 1434 01:09:36,672 --> 01:09:38,800 Which I don't, by the way. 1435 01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:44,055 Stop helping us. 1436 01:09:44,055 --> 01:09:45,640 We're in grief. 1437 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:49,435 ♪ He rides in the sun till his day's work is done ♪ 1438 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,895 Me, too. 1439 01:09:50,895 --> 01:09:54,899 ♪ And he rounds up the cattle each fall ♪ 1440 01:09:56,943 --> 01:09:59,070 (grunting) 1441 01:10:00,154 --> 01:10:03,991 ♪ Singing his cattle call... ♪ 1442 01:10:03,991 --> 01:10:06,244 Are you planning to abandon us? 1443 01:10:07,161 --> 01:10:10,540 Uh... 1444 01:10:10,540 --> 01:10:13,042 I was, as a temporary measure. 1445 01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:14,627 -What? -But I decided against it. 1446 01:10:14,627 --> 01:10:16,295 -I knew it. I sensed it. -I didn't. 1447 01:10:16,295 --> 01:10:18,131 I'm not the wet nurse. I'm their grandfather. 1448 01:10:18,131 --> 01:10:20,174 I would've hired a babysitter in addition to you. 1449 01:10:20,174 --> 01:10:22,176 I'm not planning to abandon you anymore, 1450 01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:23,553 even as a temporary measure, 1451 01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,847 which is all it ever would've been. 1452 01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:30,309 I forgive you for considering it. 1453 01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:32,478 (dripping) 1454 01:10:39,610 --> 01:10:41,946 (device beeping and clicking) 1455 01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:46,451 (rhythmic pulsing) 1456 01:10:46,451 --> 01:10:48,619 -(whirring) -(camera clicks) 1457 01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:52,165 (wind whistling) 1458 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:58,421 -CLIFFORD: Evening, soldier. -(footsteps approaching) 1459 01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:01,674 Can I ask you to stick this dime in the pay phone for me, please? 1460 01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:03,134 All public telephone service 1461 01:11:03,134 --> 01:11:04,886 has been suspended until further notice. 1462 01:11:04,886 --> 01:11:06,262 I know it. The thing is, 1463 01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:07,889 right before the hubbub yesterday, 1464 01:11:07,889 --> 01:11:09,932 I made a trunk call to my cousin long-distance, 1465 01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:11,684 and the operator let me owe the surcharge 1466 01:11:11,684 --> 01:11:13,478 because all I had was three pennies. 1467 01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:16,564 I don't feel right stealing from the telephone company. 1468 01:11:34,499 --> 01:11:37,084 (phone beeps, clicks) 1469 01:11:37,084 --> 01:11:39,378 (whirring) 1470 01:11:39,378 --> 01:11:41,005 (dial tone droning) 1471 01:11:41,005 --> 01:11:43,132 (crackling) 1472 01:11:48,221 --> 01:11:49,764 Although it might convey a different meaning 1473 01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:51,182 -on his planet. -It's true. 1474 01:11:51,182 --> 01:11:53,017 If he even has a planet, by the way. 1475 01:11:53,017 --> 01:11:54,310 -He might be nomadic. -Hmm. 1476 01:11:54,310 --> 01:11:56,229 Operator? Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh. 1477 01:11:56,229 --> 01:11:58,022 -Station to station. -OPERATOR: Stay on the line. 1478 01:11:58,022 --> 01:11:59,398 -Thank you. -(beeping) 1479 01:11:59,398 --> 01:12:01,609 (phone ringing) 1480 01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:05,029 -Hello? Who's calling? -(clears throat) 1481 01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:07,156 Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford. It's Ricky Cho. 1482 01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:09,242 -May I have a word with... -Ricky, it's after 9:00. 1483 01:12:09,242 --> 01:12:10,701 He's already drinking his Ovaltine. 1484 01:12:10,701 --> 01:12:12,078 Can't this wait until tomorrow? 1485 01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:13,663 I'm afraid not, Mrs. Weatherford. 1486 01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:15,289 I-I wouldn't disturb you if it weren't 1487 01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,500 of the utmost importance to the Weekly Bobcat. 1488 01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:19,919 I just need a minute of his time. 1489 01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,546 All right, Ricky. Hold the line. 1490 01:12:21,546 --> 01:12:23,464 Some kind of romance between the two of you? 1491 01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:24,924 -Skip, Ricky Cho! -What? Who? 1492 01:12:24,924 --> 01:12:26,300 -Who? You. -Who? 1493 01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:27,635 -You know who. -Us? 1494 01:12:27,635 --> 01:12:28,928 We only met yesterday. 1495 01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,429 I feel she doesn't like me in that way. 1496 01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:31,639 Uh-huh. Well, I think you're pretty smart, 1497 01:12:31,639 --> 01:12:33,057 but I think you're pretty dumb. 1498 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,308 -Hello? -Shh, shh. Hold it. 1499 01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:36,978 Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop. 1500 01:12:36,978 --> 01:12:39,146 ♪ ♪ 1501 01:12:44,986 --> 01:12:48,614 The first hints of the future existence of Asteroid City 1502 01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:50,616 were revealed during a special seminar 1503 01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:52,994 scheduled at the playwright's request. 1504 01:12:52,994 --> 01:12:55,371 Conrad Earp, how can we help you? 1505 01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,540 Well, the thing is, Saltzie, I'd like to make a scene 1506 01:12:57,540 --> 01:13:00,793 where all my characters are each gently, privately seduced 1507 01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:03,337 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1508 01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:05,256 as a result of their shared experience 1509 01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:08,092 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery. 1510 01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:10,678 -A sleeping scene. -A scene of sleep. 1511 01:13:10,678 --> 01:13:12,263 But I don't know how to write it. 1512 01:13:12,263 --> 01:13:14,390 -Yet. 1513 01:13:14,390 --> 01:13:16,017 I thought, perhaps, if you 1514 01:13:16,017 --> 01:13:19,228 and your wonderfully talented pupils just improvise, 1515 01:13:19,228 --> 01:13:21,439 something might reveal itself. 1516 01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:23,482 Who wasn't going to be famous? 1517 01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:27,486 On any given day, roll call in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom 1518 01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:31,699 was a now dazzling list of undiscovered luminaries: 1519 01:13:31,699 --> 01:13:33,409 Linus Mao. 1520 01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,161 Lucretia Shaver. 1521 01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:36,996 Walter Geronimo. 1522 01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:38,497 Asquith Eden. 1523 01:13:38,497 --> 01:13:40,124 Mercedes Ford. 1524 01:13:40,124 --> 01:13:43,628 Even, unofficially, Jones Hall. 1525 01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:46,088 What's it about, the play? 1526 01:13:46,088 --> 01:13:49,967 Mm, infinity, and I don't know what else. 1527 01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:51,636 Is there a title? 1528 01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:52,678 I'm torn. 1529 01:13:52,678 --> 01:13:55,306 Maybe The Cosmic Wilderness. 1530 01:13:55,306 --> 01:13:56,599 Do you like that one? 1531 01:13:56,599 --> 01:13:58,184 -Mm, not really. -OTHERS: Uh-uh. 1532 01:13:58,184 --> 01:13:59,769 What's the alternative? 1533 01:13:59,769 --> 01:14:01,020 Title, I mean. 1534 01:14:01,020 --> 01:14:02,480 Well, it's the name of the small town 1535 01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,065 on the California/Nevada/ Arizona desert 1536 01:14:04,065 --> 01:14:05,691 where the story takes place. 1537 01:14:05,691 --> 01:14:10,071 Okay. Who here has ever actually fallen asleep onstage 1538 01:14:10,071 --> 01:14:13,115 during a live performance in front of a paying audience? 1539 01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:14,784 SCHUBERT: Me. 1540 01:14:14,784 --> 01:14:17,286 I spent the first three-quarters of Act Two of The Welterweight 1541 01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:21,332 on a massage table with no lines till the last minute and a half. 1542 01:14:21,332 --> 01:14:23,709 One night, I nodded off. 1543 01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:26,045 -On purpose, you did this? -(chuckles): No. 1544 01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:28,756 -Did you miss your cue? -Almost. 1545 01:14:28,756 --> 01:14:31,217 I heard it, and I woke up very scared, 1546 01:14:31,217 --> 01:14:32,718 but I knew my lines. 1547 01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:34,470 -Good morning, Schubert. -Good morning, Saltzie. 1548 01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:35,971 What brings you here today? 1549 01:14:35,971 --> 01:14:37,515 We haven't seen you in six weeks. 1550 01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,558 Lavender and Lemons opened last night 1551 01:14:39,558 --> 01:14:42,561 to very good, uh... I might say raves, by the way. 1552 01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:44,271 I'm available. 1553 01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:48,025 What did he teach? Example. 1554 01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:49,985 Sleep-- it's not death. 1555 01:14:49,985 --> 01:14:52,196 The body keeps busy, breathing air, 1556 01:14:52,196 --> 01:14:53,739 pumping blood, thinking. 1557 01:14:53,739 --> 01:14:56,033 Maybe you pay a visit to your dead mother. 1558 01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:59,036 Maybe you go to bed with your ex-wife or husband. 1559 01:14:59,036 --> 01:15:00,705 Maybe you climb the Matterhorn. 1560 01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,707 Connie, you wake up with a new scene 1561 01:15:02,707 --> 01:15:04,834 three-quarters written in your head already. 1562 01:15:04,834 --> 01:15:07,545 Schubert, you wake up with a hangover. 1563 01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:09,171 Important things happen. 1564 01:15:09,171 --> 01:15:11,257 Is there something to play? I think so. 1565 01:15:11,257 --> 01:15:14,051 Let's work on the scene from the outside in. 1566 01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:15,428 Be inert. 1567 01:15:15,428 --> 01:15:17,430 Then dream. 1568 01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:22,560 Where are we, Connie? And when? 1569 01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:23,728 Talk to us. 1570 01:15:23,728 --> 01:15:25,187 Yes. All right. 1571 01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,605 One week later. 1572 01:15:26,605 --> 01:15:28,524 Our cast of characters' already tenuous 1573 01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:31,444 grasp of reality has further slipped in quarantine, 1574 01:15:31,444 --> 01:15:33,571 and the group begins to occupy a space 1575 01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:35,906 of the most peculiar emotional dimensions. 1576 01:15:35,906 --> 01:15:37,908 Meanwhile, the information blockade 1577 01:15:37,908 --> 01:15:39,952 spearheaded by General Grif Gibson 1578 01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:42,413 has been, it appears... 1579 01:15:42,413 --> 01:15:44,623 incomplete. 1580 01:15:55,134 --> 01:15:57,428 -(bell ringing) -(lively chatter) 1581 01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:10,191 -(train rattling) -(bell clanging) 1582 01:16:10,191 --> 01:16:12,401 (train whistle blowing) 1583 01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:19,909 (over speaker): Extra! Extra! Late edition! 1584 01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,577 Extra! Extra! 1585 01:16:21,577 --> 01:16:23,329 Late edition! 1586 01:16:23,329 --> 01:16:25,498 (steady beeping) 1587 01:16:28,083 --> 01:16:30,878 I hope you're aware, you and your accomplices may still face 1588 01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:33,339 felony prosecution, possibly even a treason charge. 1589 01:16:33,339 --> 01:16:35,633 I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court, 1590 01:16:35,633 --> 01:16:37,927 -if necessary, and win. -(door opens) 1591 01:16:37,927 --> 01:16:40,346 This just in, from the president. 1592 01:16:41,305 --> 01:16:43,098 He's furious. Thanks a lot, Ricky. 1593 01:16:43,098 --> 01:16:45,142 I don't know what to say, General Gibson. 1594 01:16:45,142 --> 01:16:46,977 -I'm sorry. -Don't apologize, Dad. 1595 01:16:46,977 --> 01:16:48,687 The public has a right to the truth. 1596 01:16:48,687 --> 01:16:51,065 -You made your point. -This tribunal is a mockery! 1597 01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,733 What about Steenbeck, who took the photograph? 1598 01:16:52,733 --> 01:16:54,693 It's on the front page of every newspaper on the planet. 1599 01:16:54,693 --> 01:16:57,238 -Can't we arrest him, as well? -Unfortunately, no. 1600 01:16:57,238 --> 01:16:58,781 He dropped a print in the mail 1601 01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:00,449 to his photo agency first thing Tuesday morning, 1602 01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:02,785 and the postman got it before we did. He's innocent. 1603 01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:04,787 Supposedly, he did a nude of Midge Campbell, too. 1604 01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:07,164 -Midge Campbell? -Ooh, Midge Campbell. 1605 01:17:08,290 --> 01:17:10,125 As you know, boys and girls, your parents arrived 1606 01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:11,710 late last night by military helicopter. 1607 01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:13,504 They've been sequestered in that metal hut over there 1608 01:17:13,504 --> 01:17:15,089 for the past several hours while the government scientists 1609 01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:16,549 explain the situation to them, 1610 01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:18,175 although everything's already in the newspapers. 1611 01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:19,802 It's my understanding they're about to go onto 1612 01:17:19,802 --> 01:17:21,387 this closed-circuit television set at any moment. 1613 01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:23,556 Everything's connected, but nothing's working. 1614 01:17:23,556 --> 01:17:26,934 Let's carry on with the lesson plan, then. Billy? 1615 01:17:26,934 --> 01:17:28,602 I did the alien's flying saucer 1616 01:17:28,602 --> 01:17:31,272 with a hubcap and a chicken pot pie tin. 1617 01:17:31,272 --> 01:17:33,524 JUNE: Good work. Very accurate. 1618 01:17:33,524 --> 01:17:35,067 Jupiter, fifth planet from the sun, 1619 01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:36,569 largest in our solar system... 1620 01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:37,945 Yes, Bernice? 1621 01:17:37,945 --> 01:17:40,489 I did the alien on his home planet. 1622 01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:43,617 JUNE: Well done. How wonderful. 1623 01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,703 Due to extreme atmospheric conditions, 1624 01:17:45,703 --> 01:17:49,123 an anticyclonic storm has raged on Jupiter's surface for over... 1625 01:17:49,123 --> 01:17:50,249 Yes, Dwight? 1626 01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:51,834 I wrote a song about him. 1627 01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:56,255 Oh. Um, this may not be the time for a musical performance. 1628 01:17:56,255 --> 01:17:57,798 -Let's... -(footsteps approaching) 1629 01:17:57,798 --> 01:17:59,258 Uh, yes, Montana? 1630 01:17:59,258 --> 01:18:00,634 Pardon the interruption, June. 1631 01:18:00,634 --> 01:18:02,011 The boys and I heard old Dwight 1632 01:18:02,011 --> 01:18:03,429 was scribbling up a little warble, 1633 01:18:03,429 --> 01:18:05,180 so we learned ourselves to play it. 1634 01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:14,440 -(strums banjo) -One, two, three. 1635 01:18:14,440 --> 01:18:17,026 ♪ Howdly-dee... ♪ 1636 01:18:17,026 --> 01:18:21,864 Dear alien, who art in heaven, 1637 01:18:21,864 --> 01:18:27,161 lean and skinny, 'bout six-foot-seven; 1638 01:18:27,161 --> 01:18:31,290 Though we know ye ain't our brother: 1639 01:18:31,290 --> 01:18:34,418 are you friend or foe 1640 01:18:34,418 --> 01:18:36,712 (or other)? 1641 01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,714 Hop on one foot, skip on two 1642 01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,341 dance the Spaceman, howdly-do! 1643 01:18:40,341 --> 01:18:42,259 Bounce on four foot, spring on three; 1644 01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:44,136 let's be spacemen, howdly-dee! 1645 01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:47,306 -♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ -(lively whooping) 1646 01:18:47,306 --> 01:18:51,143 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1647 01:18:51,143 --> 01:18:54,438 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1648 01:18:54,438 --> 01:18:58,192 -♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ -Come on, y'all! 1649 01:18:58,192 --> 01:19:00,152 ♪ Hop on one foot, skip on two ♪ 1650 01:19:00,152 --> 01:19:02,071 ♪ Dance the Spaceman, howdly-do ♪ 1651 01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:03,906 ♪ Bounce on four foot, spring on three ♪ 1652 01:19:03,906 --> 01:19:05,532 ♪ Let's be spacemen, howdly-dee ♪ 1653 01:19:05,532 --> 01:19:09,703 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ♪ 1654 01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:13,582 This was on an old roll I forgot to develop 1655 01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:15,376 in the glove box. 1656 01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:18,087 "Self-Portrait with Shrapnel." 1657 01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:21,006 ("Kaw-Liga" by Johnny Duncan and The Blue Grass Boys plays) 1658 01:19:24,718 --> 01:19:26,762 Do page 45. 1659 01:19:33,185 --> 01:19:34,687 (Augie clears throat) 1660 01:19:36,897 --> 01:19:38,691 "What have you done? How could you?" 1661 01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:40,150 -It says "shouting and crying." -Uh-huh. 1662 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,695 -So shout and cry. -"How could you?!" 1663 01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,948 "How couldn't I?" 1664 01:19:45,948 --> 01:19:47,366 "How couldn't you?" 1665 01:19:47,366 --> 01:19:48,784 "That's what I'm asking." 1666 01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:50,995 "It was over already. You were free. 1667 01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:52,913 "What's the point of committing suicide 1668 01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:55,541 when there's nothing left to escape?" 1669 01:19:56,458 --> 01:19:59,128 "Maybe that was the problem all along." 1670 01:19:59,128 --> 01:20:01,964 "Stares for a moment." (mumbling) 1671 01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:03,966 And then it says I smash everything off the shelf. 1672 01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:05,634 So smash everything off the shelf. 1673 01:20:05,634 --> 01:20:08,053 (grunting) 1674 01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,557 "Such a sickening waste. 1675 01:20:11,557 --> 01:20:14,393 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1676 01:20:14,393 --> 01:20:16,645 -Think of the world..." -Use your grief. 1677 01:20:16,645 --> 01:20:18,063 For a rehearsal? 1678 01:20:18,063 --> 01:20:19,565 I'm not even in this picture. 1679 01:20:19,565 --> 01:20:21,442 I'm a war photographer. 1680 01:20:21,442 --> 01:20:23,068 Use your grief. 1681 01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:25,988 All right. 1682 01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:31,744 "Such a sickening waste. 1683 01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:36,999 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1684 01:20:36,999 --> 01:20:40,252 Think of the world you could have seen, Dolores." 1685 01:20:42,337 --> 01:20:44,465 "I've already seen it." 1686 01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,135 She still is... uh, is-is she a ghost? 1687 01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:52,723 It's not clear. 1688 01:20:53,515 --> 01:20:54,808 Uh... (sniffs) 1689 01:20:54,808 --> 01:20:56,560 Then the, uh... the... 1690 01:20:57,644 --> 01:20:59,605 Then the coroner comes in, orders me out of the room. 1691 01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:01,440 I slowly turn away and close the door. 1692 01:21:01,440 --> 01:21:02,524 Scene. 1693 01:21:02,524 --> 01:21:04,651 My sandwich is burning. 1694 01:21:04,651 --> 01:21:06,737 (door opens) 1695 01:21:08,489 --> 01:21:09,990 (sizzling) 1696 01:21:09,990 --> 01:21:11,492 (door opens) 1697 01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:16,789 (blowing) 1698 01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:21,752 My daughter saw us. 1699 01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:22,753 What? 1700 01:21:22,753 --> 01:21:24,713 Oh, uh, Dinah saw us. 1701 01:21:24,713 --> 01:21:27,424 Through this window, in your bedroom yesterday. 1702 01:21:28,342 --> 01:21:30,594 (lively jazz music playing) 1703 01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:39,353 Did you, uh, tell her we were rehearsing again? 1704 01:21:40,270 --> 01:21:42,314 I didn't think of that. I should've. 1705 01:21:42,314 --> 01:21:45,275 But it's too late, because I admitted everything. 1706 01:21:46,318 --> 01:21:48,112 Did she tell Woodrow? 1707 01:21:48,946 --> 01:21:50,572 Hard to say. 1708 01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:52,157 She can keep a secret. 1709 01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:53,951 I don't know if she will. 1710 01:21:56,745 --> 01:21:59,540 This isn't the beginning of something, Augie. 1711 01:21:59,540 --> 01:22:01,542 Isn't it? 1712 01:22:02,417 --> 01:22:03,919 Is it? 1713 01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:05,879 Probably not. 1714 01:22:05,879 --> 01:22:07,256 Unless maybe it is. 1715 01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:08,841 I don't like the way that guy looked at us. 1716 01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:10,926 -What guy? -The alien. 1717 01:22:10,926 --> 01:22:12,302 Oh. How did he... 1718 01:22:12,302 --> 01:22:14,555 -How did he look at us? -Like we're doomed. 1719 01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:19,268 Maybe we are. 1720 01:22:19,268 --> 01:22:20,978 (buzzing softly) 1721 01:22:22,688 --> 01:22:24,815 -(sizzles) -(both gasp) 1722 01:22:24,815 --> 01:22:26,441 What did you just do? 1723 01:22:26,441 --> 01:22:28,026 I burned my hand on the Quicky-Griddle. 1724 01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:30,112 -Why? -It's not clear. 1725 01:22:30,112 --> 01:22:32,281 Show me. 1726 01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:34,783 You really did it. 1727 01:22:34,783 --> 01:22:37,411 That actually happened. 1728 01:22:39,621 --> 01:22:41,790 (rapid gunfire) 1729 01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,504 Pull. 1730 01:22:49,506 --> 01:22:52,551 (crackling, whirring) 1731 01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:56,305 How long can they keep us in Asteroid City? 1732 01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:57,764 Legally, I mean. 1733 01:22:57,764 --> 01:22:59,141 Well, I'm not an attorney, 1734 01:22:59,141 --> 01:23:00,767 but I'd say as long as they like. 1735 01:23:00,767 --> 01:23:02,477 I think we'd have to file an injunction 1736 01:23:02,477 --> 01:23:04,229 and successfully argue the case-- six months to a year? 1737 01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:05,647 Of course, we'd also need to initiate 1738 01:23:05,647 --> 01:23:07,065 a civil suit for loss of income. 1739 01:23:07,065 --> 01:23:08,817 Maybe we should just walk out right now. 1740 01:23:08,817 --> 01:23:11,945 I'm not sure they could stop us without killing somebody. 1741 01:23:11,945 --> 01:23:13,530 Interesting idea. 1742 01:23:13,530 --> 01:23:16,158 What kind of mileage you think that jet pack gets? 1743 01:23:16,158 --> 01:23:17,492 Ask Roger or his son. 1744 01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:19,077 Apparently, he's being prosecuted 1745 01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:20,495 for revealing state secrets. 1746 01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:22,456 -They'll never make it stick. -I'm in no hurry. 1747 01:23:22,456 --> 01:23:24,499 I like the desert. I like aliens. 1748 01:23:24,499 --> 01:23:26,043 -Pull. -(running footsteps) 1749 01:23:26,043 --> 01:23:27,502 GUARD: How'd you get that back? 1750 01:23:27,502 --> 01:23:28,921 The projects remain under secure lockdown. 1751 01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:30,297 No Stargazer is permitted personal access 1752 01:23:30,297 --> 01:23:31,381 without the express permission... 1753 01:23:31,381 --> 01:23:32,674 My son invented this death ray. 1754 01:23:32,674 --> 01:23:34,176 That may be true, but my orders are... 1755 01:23:34,176 --> 01:23:35,761 -Step back. -Easy, fellas. 1756 01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,512 -We're not in Guadalcanal anymore. -Okay, okay, okay. 1757 01:23:37,512 --> 01:23:39,348 Everyone, please. It's been a difficult quarantine. 1758 01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:41,016 -I'll zap you right now! -You stole your projects! 1759 01:23:41,016 --> 01:23:42,559 GIBSON (over radio): Goddamn it, tell them 1760 01:23:42,559 --> 01:23:43,936 -to stand down! -Stand down! You hear that? 1761 01:23:43,936 --> 01:23:45,312 General Gibson says, "Stand down." 1762 01:23:45,312 --> 01:23:46,730 -You married? -Of course. 1763 01:23:46,730 --> 01:23:48,815 We'll reconfiscate the projects at a later time. 1764 01:23:48,815 --> 01:23:50,317 Probably after dinner. 1765 01:23:51,193 --> 01:23:53,320 Try it. 1766 01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:56,698 DINAH: Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out, 1767 01:23:56,698 --> 01:23:58,784 Jack the Ripper, out, Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple, 1768 01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,827 out, out, Orson Welles, Lucille Ball, out, 1769 01:24:00,827 --> 01:24:03,038 Marlon Brando, out, Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle, 1770 01:24:03,038 --> 01:24:04,706 out, out, Yul Brynner, Louis Armstrong, 1771 01:24:04,706 --> 01:24:07,209 out, Lana Turner, out, Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald, 1772 01:24:07,209 --> 01:24:09,711 out, out, Rock Hudson, out, Jerry Lewis, out, out, 1773 01:24:09,711 --> 01:24:11,922 Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out, Joan of Arc, out, 1774 01:24:11,922 --> 01:24:13,548 Charles Darwin, Walter Pidgeon, out, 1775 01:24:13,548 --> 01:24:15,467 Emily Dickinson, Galileo, out, out, 1776 01:24:15,467 --> 01:24:17,302 Pontius Pilate, out, Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O... 1777 01:24:17,302 --> 01:24:19,429 Who's responsible for stealing my radio telescope, 1778 01:24:19,429 --> 01:24:21,056 my signal processing receiver 1779 01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,558 and my entire spectrographical monitoring network? 1780 01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,145 They're trying to contact the alien. 1781 01:24:27,145 --> 01:24:30,065 Well, I appreciate that, but what about Dr. Hickenlooper? 1782 01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:33,068 If you're trying to contact the alien, include me. 1783 01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:35,237 Did you hear anything from him so far? 1784 01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:36,947 -No. -DR. HICKENLOOPER: Huh. 1785 01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:38,782 What's all this? 1786 01:24:38,782 --> 01:24:41,076 WOODROW: I put the American flag just to be patriotic. 1787 01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:42,828 Now we need to really mean something. 1788 01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:44,830 A universal message, not only to earthlings. 1789 01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,957 We already thought of everything we could think of: 1790 01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:48,667 a cross, a star, a four-leaf clover, 1791 01:24:48,667 --> 01:24:50,252 letters, numbers, hieroglyphics. 1792 01:24:50,252 --> 01:24:52,129 What's the point of projecting a star onto the moon? 1793 01:24:52,129 --> 01:24:53,505 -Exactly. -I ask that sincerely. 1794 01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:54,756 How about "E equals MC-squared"? 1795 01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:56,091 -I still think it's... -They know that. 1796 01:24:56,091 --> 01:24:57,426 -It's too easy. -This is our chance 1797 01:24:57,426 --> 01:24:59,511 to be actually worthwhile in our lifetimes. 1798 01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:01,179 I see what you mean. 1799 01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:03,181 -Whose turn was it? -Oh, the middle of mine. 1800 01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:04,850 I'd better start over. 1801 01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,601 -Cleopatra, Jagadish... -A word, Woodrow. 1802 01:25:06,601 --> 01:25:09,187 About the, uh, settings on the spectrograph. 1803 01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:10,689 Over here, if you wouldn't mind. 1804 01:25:10,689 --> 01:25:12,316 DINAH: ...Kurt Gödel, William Henry Bragg... 1805 01:25:12,316 --> 01:25:14,359 DR. HICKENLOOPER: The, uh, warning label indicates 1806 01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:16,153 that the, uh... 1807 01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:21,158 It's all worthwhile in your lifetime. 1808 01:25:21,158 --> 01:25:22,826 -This, I mean. -Okay. 1809 01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:25,120 Your curiosity is your most important asset. 1810 01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:26,455 -Trust it. -Okay. 1811 01:25:26,455 --> 01:25:28,040 -Trust your curiosity. -Okay. 1812 01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:30,125 The resources of my lab will always be available to you. 1813 01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,752 After this thing is over, I mean. 1814 01:25:31,752 --> 01:25:33,754 You could maybe sort of be my protégé, if you like. 1815 01:25:33,754 --> 01:25:35,088 Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove 1816 01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,423 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation 1817 01:25:36,423 --> 01:25:37,758 and get the math right finally. 1818 01:25:37,758 --> 01:25:39,092 Wow. Let's try. 1819 01:25:39,092 --> 01:25:41,053 I think I see the dots from space 1820 01:25:41,053 --> 01:25:42,846 burned into your eyeballs. 1821 01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,267 I'm sorry about your mother. 1822 01:25:47,267 --> 01:25:50,187 I miss mine, too, and she died 46 years ago. 1823 01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:53,482 Thank you. 1824 01:25:55,609 --> 01:25:57,277 I've already petitioned the State Assembly 1825 01:25:57,277 --> 01:25:59,654 to change the name of the town from Asteroid City 1826 01:25:59,654 --> 01:26:01,281 to Alien Landing, U.S.A. 1827 01:26:01,281 --> 01:26:03,825 This municipality might end up being the center 1828 01:26:03,825 --> 01:26:07,037 of a vast community of Stargazers and Space Cadets. 1829 01:26:07,037 --> 01:26:09,998 It's a historic offering. 1830 01:26:09,998 --> 01:26:12,167 (jingling) 1831 01:26:15,212 --> 01:26:17,297 GIBSON: As you know, the Asteroid Day itinerary 1832 01:26:17,297 --> 01:26:18,757 had to be suspended last week 1833 01:26:18,757 --> 01:26:21,259 due to the factual reality of our circumstances. 1834 01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,095 However, I have an announcement to make. 1835 01:26:23,095 --> 01:26:25,055 Dr. Hickenlooper and the Military-Science 1836 01:26:25,055 --> 01:26:26,723 Research and Experimentation Division, 1837 01:26:26,723 --> 01:26:28,600 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation, 1838 01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:30,936 have officially selected a recipient 1839 01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:32,979 for this year's Hickenlooper Scholarship, 1840 01:26:32,979 --> 01:26:36,191 and you're all going home first thing tomorrow morning. 1841 01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:38,276 The president has opted to lift the quarantine 1842 01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:40,112 by executive decree. 1843 01:26:40,112 --> 01:26:42,697 (cheering) 1844 01:26:42,697 --> 01:26:44,366 I'd like to take this opportunity-- 1845 01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:46,493 and, by the way, all of this year's projects, 1846 01:26:46,493 --> 01:26:47,994 setting aside my own 1847 01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:50,038 differences of opinion with Ricky Cho, 1848 01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:52,541 were of the very highest caliber, without exception-- 1849 01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:55,419 -to officially declare, uh... -(crowd murmuring) 1850 01:26:55,419 --> 01:26:56,837 -What's happening now? -Scholarship... 1851 01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,213 -What's happening now? -I don't know. 1852 01:26:58,213 --> 01:26:59,881 It's today again. 1853 01:26:59,881 --> 01:27:02,300 -(rhythmic beeping) -(crowd murmuring) 1854 01:27:09,975 --> 01:27:12,227 ♪ ♪ 1855 01:27:33,373 --> 01:27:35,292 It's been inventoried. 1856 01:27:35,292 --> 01:27:37,669 (crowd gasping, murmuring quietly) 1857 01:27:39,671 --> 01:27:41,256 Under the provisions of 1858 01:27:41,256 --> 01:27:42,883 National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X, 1859 01:27:42,883 --> 01:27:44,801 the lifting of the quarantine which I just announced 1860 01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:46,803 is now canceled or at least postponed 1861 01:27:46,803 --> 01:27:50,265 due to the unexpected new event which just... 1862 01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:52,434 (crowd clamoring) 1863 01:28:05,655 --> 01:28:07,908 (clamoring continues) 1864 01:28:16,958 --> 01:28:20,212 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 1865 01:28:20,212 --> 01:28:22,506 I still don't understand the play. 1866 01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:24,966 What? 1867 01:28:24,966 --> 01:28:26,551 (whooping) 1868 01:28:26,551 --> 01:28:28,762 (clamoring continues) 1869 01:28:33,475 --> 01:28:36,228 Where are you going? 1870 01:28:36,228 --> 01:28:38,104 I'll be right back. 1871 01:28:38,104 --> 01:28:40,065 MAN: I don't play him as an alien, actually. 1872 01:28:40,065 --> 01:28:41,691 I play him as a metaphor. 1873 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:43,443 -That's my interpretation. -Metaphor for what? 1874 01:28:43,443 --> 01:28:46,154 I-I don't know yet. We don't pin it down. 1875 01:28:46,154 --> 01:28:48,240 Schubert. Schubert. 1876 01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:50,408 -Schubert! Schubert! -Huh? Yes. 1877 01:28:50,408 --> 01:28:52,744 What's wrong? Are you on? 1878 01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:54,538 Technically, but General Gibson just started the scene 1879 01:28:54,538 --> 01:28:56,331 where the president doesn't accept his resignation. 1880 01:28:56,331 --> 01:28:58,333 I've got six and a half minutes before my next line. 1881 01:28:58,333 --> 01:29:00,335 I need an answer to a question I want to ask. 1882 01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,461 Okay. 1883 01:29:01,461 --> 01:29:03,421 Am I doing him right? 1884 01:29:03,421 --> 01:29:04,756 Oh. 1885 01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,091 Well... (clears throat) 1886 01:29:06,091 --> 01:29:07,592 I told you before, there's too much business-- 1887 01:29:07,592 --> 01:29:08,843 with the pipe, with the lighter, 1888 01:29:08,843 --> 01:29:10,470 with the camera, with the eyebrow-- 1889 01:29:10,470 --> 01:29:12,597 but aside from that, on the whole, 1890 01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:14,975 in answer to your question... Sit down. 1891 01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:18,979 You're doing him just right. 1892 01:29:18,979 --> 01:29:21,606 In fact, in my opinion, you didn't just become Augie. 1893 01:29:21,606 --> 01:29:22,941 He became you. 1894 01:29:22,941 --> 01:29:24,025 I feel lost. 1895 01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:25,610 -Good. -He's such a wounded guy. 1896 01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:27,487 I feel like my heart is getting broken-- 1897 01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:28,697 my own, personal heart-- 1898 01:29:28,697 --> 01:29:29,864 -every night. -Good. 1899 01:29:29,864 --> 01:29:31,408 -Do I just keep doing it? -Yes. 1900 01:29:31,408 --> 01:29:33,201 -Without knowing anything? -Yes. 1901 01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:35,078 Isn't there supposed to be some kind of an answer 1902 01:29:35,078 --> 01:29:36,538 out there in the cosmic wilderness? 1903 01:29:36,538 --> 01:29:37,789 Woodrow's line about the meaning of life. 1904 01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:39,082 -"Maybe there is one." -Right. 1905 01:29:39,082 --> 01:29:40,458 Well, that's my question. 1906 01:29:42,210 --> 01:29:44,212 I still don't understand the play. 1907 01:29:44,212 --> 01:29:45,755 Doesn't matter. 1908 01:29:45,755 --> 01:29:48,216 Just keep telling the story. 1909 01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,385 You're doing him right. 1910 01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:51,886 I need a breath of fresh air. 1911 01:29:51,886 --> 01:29:52,971 Huh. 1912 01:29:52,971 --> 01:29:55,432 Okay, but you won't find one. 1913 01:29:58,268 --> 01:29:59,853 Right. 1914 01:29:59,853 --> 01:30:02,022 ♪ ♪ 1915 01:30:03,815 --> 01:30:05,984 (clock ticking) 1916 01:30:12,616 --> 01:30:14,784 (wind whistling) 1917 01:30:19,289 --> 01:30:21,124 WOMAN: Hello. 1918 01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,920 Oh. It's you, the wife who played my actress. 1919 01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:29,257 Hmm. My scene was cut after one rehearsal. 1920 01:30:30,425 --> 01:30:33,136 -We still use your photograph. -Hmm. 1921 01:30:36,139 --> 01:30:38,475 You remember the dialogue? 1922 01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:41,144 No. 1923 01:30:42,354 --> 01:30:45,482 We meet in a dream on the alien's planet. 1924 01:30:45,482 --> 01:30:47,359 Magnavox-27. 1925 01:30:47,359 --> 01:30:49,944 Actually, it's one of the moons of it. 1926 01:30:50,904 --> 01:30:54,157 You say, "Did you talk to the alien?" 1927 01:30:54,157 --> 01:30:57,285 I say, "Not yet." 1928 01:30:57,285 --> 01:31:00,038 You say, "Why not? I thought for sure 1929 01:31:00,038 --> 01:31:02,999 you would've yelled at him or made him laugh." 1930 01:31:02,999 --> 01:31:07,212 I say, "Or asked him the secrets of the universe?" 1931 01:31:07,212 --> 01:31:09,339 You say, "Exactly." 1932 01:31:10,423 --> 01:31:13,426 I say, "I think he's shy." 1933 01:31:14,678 --> 01:31:16,388 You say, 1934 01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:19,182 "So's Woodrow, but I'm sure he'll grow out of it. 1935 01:31:19,182 --> 01:31:22,143 I mean, at least I hope he will, without a mother." 1936 01:31:23,937 --> 01:31:27,482 I say, "He's a late bloomer, 1937 01:31:27,482 --> 01:31:32,779 but maybe I think you'll need to replace me." 1938 01:31:32,779 --> 01:31:34,155 You say, 1939 01:31:34,155 --> 01:31:37,283 "What? Why? How? I can't." 1940 01:31:38,535 --> 01:31:43,164 I say, "Maybe I think you'll need to try. 1941 01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:47,919 I'm not coming back, Augie." 1942 01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:53,967 Then you take a picture of me and start crying, 1943 01:31:53,967 --> 01:31:56,010 and I say... 1944 01:31:58,221 --> 01:32:00,682 "I hope it comes out." 1945 01:32:03,768 --> 01:32:05,937 And I say, 1946 01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:08,314 "All my pictures come out." 1947 01:32:08,314 --> 01:32:09,524 (camera clicks) 1948 01:32:19,951 --> 01:32:21,745 Hmm. 1949 01:32:21,745 --> 01:32:23,621 Good memory. Why'd they cut it? 1950 01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:25,123 Running time. 1951 01:32:25,123 --> 01:32:26,833 Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting to the Queen Consort 1952 01:32:26,833 --> 01:32:28,376 in Fruit of a Withering Vine. 1953 01:32:28,376 --> 01:32:30,044 You missed your cue. 1954 01:32:30,044 --> 01:32:32,172 June and the cowboy are already necking in the station wagon. 1955 01:32:32,172 --> 01:32:35,049 They're bandaging the understudy's hand right now. 1956 01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,136 Oh. It's you. 1957 01:32:38,136 --> 01:32:39,971 We almost would've had a scene together. 1958 01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:42,140 -Hello. 1959 01:32:42,140 --> 01:32:44,309 (clock ticking) 1960 01:32:44,309 --> 01:32:48,146 Six months into the run, the company received the news: 1961 01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:50,857 a catastrophic automobile accident. 1962 01:32:50,857 --> 01:32:52,984 Conrad Earp, American playwright 1963 01:32:52,984 --> 01:32:55,820 unequaled in passion and imagination, 1964 01:32:55,820 --> 01:32:57,363 dead at 50. 1965 01:32:57,363 --> 01:32:59,616 CONRAD: I'd like to make a scene where all my characters 1966 01:32:59,616 --> 01:33:01,242 are each gently, privately seduced 1967 01:33:01,242 --> 01:33:03,536 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1968 01:33:03,536 --> 01:33:05,246 as a result of their shared experience 1969 01:33:05,246 --> 01:33:08,124 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery, 1970 01:33:08,124 --> 01:33:10,585 -but I don't know how to write it. -(snoring) 1971 01:33:11,503 --> 01:33:14,088 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1972 01:33:14,088 --> 01:33:15,632 -What was that? -(murmuring) 1973 01:33:15,632 --> 01:33:17,217 What's happening? 1974 01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:19,928 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1975 01:33:19,928 --> 01:33:21,095 -What? -That's not true. 1976 01:33:21,095 --> 01:33:22,430 -Say it again. -Who cares? 1977 01:33:22,430 --> 01:33:25,183 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1978 01:33:25,183 --> 01:33:26,351 -Why should you? -Maybe not. 1979 01:33:26,351 --> 01:33:27,852 -Of course. -Uh, yes. 1980 01:33:27,852 --> 01:33:29,854 -You can't wake up... -If you don't fall asleep. 1981 01:33:29,854 --> 01:33:32,190 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1982 01:33:32,190 --> 01:33:34,192 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1983 01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:36,486 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1984 01:33:36,486 --> 01:33:38,947 ALL: You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1985 01:33:38,947 --> 01:33:41,324 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1986 01:33:41,324 --> 01:33:43,618 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1987 01:33:43,618 --> 01:33:45,995 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1988 01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:48,373 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1989 01:33:48,373 --> 01:33:50,792 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1990 01:33:50,792 --> 01:33:53,294 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1991 01:33:53,294 --> 01:33:55,463 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1992 01:33:55,463 --> 01:33:57,799 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1993 01:33:57,799 --> 01:34:00,927 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1994 01:34:13,106 --> 01:34:15,900 (insects trilling) 1995 01:34:21,447 --> 01:34:25,326 ("How High the Moon" by Les Paul & Mary Ford playing) 1996 01:34:28,955 --> 01:34:32,625 ♪ Somewhere there's music, how faint the tune ♪ 1997 01:34:32,625 --> 01:34:35,753 ♪ Somewhere there's heaven, how high the moon... ♪ 1998 01:34:35,753 --> 01:34:38,715 Uh, where'd they go? 1999 01:34:39,465 --> 01:34:40,925 Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck. 2000 01:34:40,925 --> 01:34:43,094 Juice preference, please-- apple, orange or tomato. 2001 01:34:43,094 --> 01:34:44,929 Where'd they go? Everybody. 2002 01:34:44,929 --> 01:34:46,431 Of course. I understand. 2003 01:34:46,431 --> 01:34:48,433 The president lifted the quarantine after all, 2004 01:34:48,433 --> 01:34:49,934 at midnight. 2005 01:34:49,934 --> 01:34:51,769 He sent the whole gang home-- the troops, the cowboys, 2006 01:34:51,769 --> 01:34:53,479 the Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets. 2007 01:34:53,479 --> 01:34:55,982 You are free to return back to wherever you came from. 2008 01:34:55,982 --> 01:34:57,817 We had 11 checkouts this morning. 2009 01:34:57,817 --> 01:34:59,861 I guess you overslept. 2010 01:34:59,861 --> 01:35:01,779 They returned your science projects, by the way. 2011 01:35:01,779 --> 01:35:03,406 Hmm. 2012 01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,701 -Tomato. -Right away. 2013 01:35:07,869 --> 01:35:09,871 (door opens) 2014 01:35:13,249 --> 01:35:16,711 The plan was to shovel it up and take her with us. 2015 01:35:16,711 --> 01:35:20,089 Like I said, we'll exhume the Tupperware. 2016 01:35:20,089 --> 01:35:22,675 We don't have any burial rights to this plot here. 2017 01:35:22,675 --> 01:35:24,677 I would question whether it even is a plot. 2018 01:35:24,677 --> 01:35:26,095 It isn't. 2019 01:35:26,095 --> 01:35:28,181 -Don't murder my mother's ashes! -He's killing her! 2020 01:35:28,181 --> 01:35:30,934 No, no, no, no. Let us pray. 2021 01:35:34,938 --> 01:35:36,481 Poppy! 2022 01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:40,610 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for the life 2023 01:35:40,610 --> 01:35:44,572 of this magnificent woman, who was once just a little girl 2024 01:35:44,572 --> 01:35:47,241 like these three witches in training. 2025 01:35:47,241 --> 01:35:48,826 -Not in training. -We are witches. 2026 01:35:48,826 --> 01:35:50,453 Part witch, part alien. 2027 01:35:50,453 --> 01:35:52,830 Like these three witches at one time. 2028 01:35:52,830 --> 01:35:55,750 We had no intention of permanently burying her 2029 01:35:55,750 --> 01:35:57,752 next to this unmarked cactus, 2030 01:35:57,752 --> 01:35:59,253 but I no longer have the strength 2031 01:35:59,253 --> 01:36:02,256 to fight for her dignity, nor neither does Augie. 2032 01:36:02,256 --> 01:36:04,008 -Do you? -No. 2033 01:36:04,008 --> 01:36:07,095 So we'll defer to the wishes of her stubborn daughters. 2034 01:36:07,095 --> 01:36:10,682 Woodrow, any final farewell? 2035 01:36:10,682 --> 01:36:12,475 I don't believe in God anymore. 2036 01:36:12,475 --> 01:36:13,893 Fair enough. 2037 01:36:13,893 --> 01:36:16,938 -Amen. -GIRLS: Amen. 2038 01:36:16,938 --> 01:36:19,524 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo, 2039 01:36:19,524 --> 01:36:22,819 knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 2040 01:36:22,819 --> 01:36:25,113 Mama is in the ground. 2041 01:36:25,113 --> 01:36:27,448 Say the prayer for Mama. 2042 01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:30,076 Mama, we'll say the prayer, too. 2043 01:36:30,076 --> 01:36:31,703 You are beautiful... 2044 01:36:31,703 --> 01:36:33,287 (door opens, bell jingles) 2045 01:36:33,287 --> 01:36:35,081 AUGIE: Five orders of flapjacks and two black coffees. 2046 01:36:35,081 --> 01:36:36,874 -(door closes) -Thanks. 2047 01:36:36,874 --> 01:36:39,711 ("The Streets of Laredo" by Bing Crosby playing quietly) 2048 01:36:39,711 --> 01:36:41,129 Who needs to pee? 2049 01:36:41,129 --> 01:36:42,839 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. -Not me. 2050 01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:44,549 WAITRESS: How about a glass of strawberry milk? 2051 01:36:44,549 --> 01:36:46,592 -GIRLS: Mmm. -Yes, please. 2052 01:36:48,052 --> 01:36:50,763 Somebody win that scholarship? 2053 01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:52,724 I did. 2054 01:36:52,724 --> 01:36:54,392 -When? -Last night. 2055 01:36:54,392 --> 01:36:57,311 General Gibson slipped it to me in line at the communal showers. 2056 01:36:57,311 --> 01:36:59,355 I think he just wanted to get it over with. 2057 01:36:59,355 --> 01:37:01,733 It's actually a standard-sized check of typical dimensions. 2058 01:37:01,733 --> 01:37:03,818 The big one's only for show. 2059 01:37:03,818 --> 01:37:05,820 -Wow. -Congratulations, Woodrow. 2060 01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:07,196 That's, uh, stupendous. 2061 01:37:07,196 --> 01:37:08,656 You must be some kind of a genius. 2062 01:37:08,656 --> 01:37:09,866 I agree. 2063 01:37:09,866 --> 01:37:12,493 You must be some kind of brainiac. 2064 01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,329 Has it got any strings attached to it? 2065 01:37:15,329 --> 01:37:16,914 It's made out to you personally. 2066 01:37:16,914 --> 01:37:18,958 How you plan to use it? 2067 01:37:20,209 --> 01:37:22,503 I'll probably spend it on my girlfriend. 2068 01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:29,052 What do you write in that little book? 2069 01:37:30,428 --> 01:37:32,180 Next year's project, confidentially. 2070 01:37:32,180 --> 01:37:34,265 -Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa. -Wow. Is that possible? 2071 01:37:34,265 --> 01:37:36,225 -Is that possible? -(footsteps approaching) 2072 01:37:36,225 --> 01:37:39,604 WAITRESS: Midge Campbell left you her address. 2073 01:37:39,604 --> 01:37:42,440 It's just a post office box. 2074 01:37:44,442 --> 01:37:46,110 (whispers): What happened that night I saw the... 2075 01:37:46,110 --> 01:37:47,695 That's none of your business, Stanley. 2076 01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:49,447 I know. Of course it isn't. 2077 01:37:49,447 --> 01:37:51,032 I only ask because Woodrow told me 2078 01:37:51,032 --> 01:37:52,784 -Dinah told him. -I understand. I understand. 2079 01:37:52,784 --> 01:37:54,285 I understand. 2080 01:37:54,285 --> 01:37:56,954 I went to law school with her former agent. 2081 01:37:56,954 --> 01:37:59,165 Anyway, I don't object. 2082 01:37:59,165 --> 01:38:02,251 She's actually a very gifted comedienne. 2083 01:38:02,251 --> 01:38:03,795 That's true. 2084 01:38:03,795 --> 01:38:07,381 -(distant explosion) -(rumbling) 2085 01:38:07,381 --> 01:38:09,634 CASHIER: Another atom bomb test. 2086 01:38:12,136 --> 01:38:15,515 -(gunfire outside) -(siren wailing) 2087 01:38:25,191 --> 01:38:28,694 ("Freight Train" by The Charles McDevitt Skiffle Group playing) 2088 01:38:32,448 --> 01:38:34,617 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2089 01:38:34,617 --> 01:38:36,410 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2090 01:38:36,410 --> 01:38:38,454 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2091 01:38:38,454 --> 01:38:40,248 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2092 01:38:40,248 --> 01:38:43,084 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2093 01:38:43,084 --> 01:38:45,586 -♪ Won't you tell me... ♪ -(camera clicks) 2094 01:38:45,586 --> 01:38:47,755 Woodrow, let's go. 2095 01:38:47,755 --> 01:38:49,799 ♪ ♪ 2096 01:38:55,221 --> 01:38:56,722 ♪ Don't know where ♪ 2097 01:38:56,722 --> 01:38:59,100 -♪ He's heading for ♪ -(engine starts) 2098 01:38:59,100 --> 01:39:00,601 ♪ What he's done ♪ 2099 01:39:00,601 --> 01:39:02,895 -♪ Against the law ♪ -(train whistle blows) 2100 01:39:02,895 --> 01:39:06,065 ♪ Got no future, got no hope ♪ 2101 01:39:06,065 --> 01:39:09,944 ♪ Just nothing but the rope ♪ 2102 01:39:09,944 --> 01:39:12,196 ♪ ♪ 2103 01:39:17,952 --> 01:39:19,871 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2104 01:39:19,871 --> 01:39:21,622 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2105 01:39:21,622 --> 01:39:23,833 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2106 01:39:23,833 --> 01:39:25,585 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2107 01:39:25,585 --> 01:39:28,171 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2108 01:39:28,171 --> 01:39:30,339 -(roadrunner chitters) -♪ Won't you tell me ♪ 2109 01:39:30,339 --> 01:39:32,884 ♪ Where he's gone ♪ 2110 01:39:32,884 --> 01:39:35,052 ♪ ♪ 2111 01:39:40,683 --> 01:39:44,478 ♪ He lost his reason, lost his life ♪ 2112 01:39:44,478 --> 01:39:48,357 ♪ He killed his friend in mortal strife ♪ 2113 01:39:48,357 --> 01:39:51,652 ♪ He must keep moving like the rolling skies ♪ 2114 01:39:51,652 --> 01:39:55,907 ♪ Just a-waitin' till he dies ♪ 2115 01:39:55,907 --> 01:39:58,075 ♪ ♪ 2116 01:40:03,623 --> 01:40:05,583 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2117 01:40:05,583 --> 01:40:07,376 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2118 01:40:07,376 --> 01:40:09,378 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2119 01:40:09,378 --> 01:40:11,214 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2120 01:40:11,214 --> 01:40:14,258 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2121 01:40:14,258 --> 01:40:18,471 ♪ Won't you tell me where he's gone ♪ 2122 01:40:18,471 --> 01:40:20,640 ♪ ♪ 2123 01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:30,399 ♪ When he dies, just bury him, please ♪ 2124 01:40:30,399 --> 01:40:34,362 ♪ Way down the end of old Chestnut Street ♪ 2125 01:40:34,362 --> 01:40:37,657 ♪ Poplars at his head and feet ♪ 2126 01:40:37,657 --> 01:40:42,286 ♪ And tell them he's gone to sleep ♪ 2127 01:40:42,286 --> 01:40:44,455 ♪ ♪ 2128 01:40:49,502 --> 01:40:51,545 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2129 01:40:51,545 --> 01:40:53,297 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2130 01:40:53,297 --> 01:40:55,258 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2131 01:40:55,258 --> 01:40:57,134 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2132 01:40:57,134 --> 01:41:00,221 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2133 01:41:00,221 --> 01:41:04,225 ♪ Won't you tell me where he's gone. ♪ 2134 01:41:04,225 --> 01:41:06,394 ♪ ♪ 2135 01:41:16,946 --> 01:41:18,906 (song fades) 2136 01:41:18,906 --> 01:41:21,117 (wind howling) 2137 01:41:37,300 --> 01:41:40,469 ("You Can't Wake Up..." by Jarvis Cocker playing) 2138 01:41:40,469 --> 01:41:44,640 ♪ You ♪ 2139 01:41:47,018 --> 01:41:50,271 ♪ Can't wake up ♪ 2140 01:41:50,271 --> 01:41:54,025 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2141 01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:57,862 ♪ You can't fall in love ♪ 2142 01:41:57,862 --> 01:42:01,574 ♪ And land on your feet ♪ 2143 01:42:01,574 --> 01:42:04,952 ♪ You won't smell the roses ♪ 2144 01:42:04,952 --> 01:42:08,956 ♪ If you never plant a seed ♪ 2145 01:42:08,956 --> 01:42:12,084 ♪ And you can't wake up ♪ 2146 01:42:12,084 --> 01:42:16,797 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2147 01:42:19,717 --> 01:42:23,512 ♪ You can't make an entrance ♪ 2148 01:42:23,512 --> 01:42:26,265 ♪ If you keep missing your cue ♪ 2149 01:42:28,142 --> 01:42:30,519 ♪ And you won't pick a winner ♪ 2150 01:42:30,519 --> 01:42:35,191 ♪ Till you learn how to choose ♪ 2151 01:42:35,191 --> 01:42:38,277 ♪ You'll never find the treasure ♪ 2152 01:42:38,277 --> 01:42:41,989 ♪ Unless you dig deep ♪ 2153 01:42:41,989 --> 01:42:45,159 ♪ And you can't wake up ♪ 2154 01:42:45,159 --> 01:42:49,080 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2155 01:42:52,625 --> 01:42:56,337 ♪ Oh, you'll never ♪ 2156 01:42:56,337 --> 01:42:59,965 ♪ Have memories ♪ 2157 01:42:59,965 --> 01:43:03,386 ♪ Worth keeping ♪ 2158 01:43:06,138 --> 01:43:10,768 ♪ Oh, you'll never ♪ 2159 01:43:10,768 --> 01:43:14,105 ♪ Find the truth ♪ 2160 01:43:14,105 --> 01:43:18,317 ♪ You are seeking ♪ 2161 01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:28,494 ♪ While you are sleeping ♪ 2162 01:43:32,581 --> 01:43:36,877 ♪ But you can't wake up ♪ 2163 01:43:36,877 --> 01:43:40,714 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2164 01:43:40,714 --> 01:43:44,510 ♪ So go live your dreams ♪ 2165 01:43:44,510 --> 01:43:47,346 ♪ And live them real deep ♪ 2166 01:43:47,346 --> 01:43:51,976 ♪ There is some counting money ♪ 2167 01:43:51,976 --> 01:43:57,148 ♪ And there's some counting sheep ♪ 2168 01:43:57,148 --> 01:44:01,318 ♪ Oh, you can't wake up ♪ 2169 01:44:01,318 --> 01:44:06,699 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2170 01:44:12,621 --> 01:44:16,208 ♪ If you don't fall asleep. ♪ 2171 01:44:16,208 --> 01:44:18,377 ♪ ♪ 2172 01:44:48,282 --> 01:44:50,409 ♪ ♪ 2173 01:44:54,497 --> 01:44:56,665 (song ends) 2174 01:45:01,879 --> 01:45:03,964 WHISPERING VOICE: Wicked.